Tag Archives: Humor

Trump Man Ramblings – 10/19/2019

Given all the fake news leveled against the president by the Jew-run liberal media, I decided to investigate for myself the veracity of all these canards being spread. To this end, I visited my old friend Cletus McOnetooth of Ellis Chapel, Arkansas.

“Let me tell ya,” Cletus said. “People can say what they want about the Trump Man, but he’s one bad hombre.”

I pressed for details.

“Looky cheer, our prezzydent has single-handedly taken out ISIS. Each night, after all them press sissies have left the once-again White House, the Trump Man flies his hellycopter over yonder and fights against those A-rabs with his six shooters and bare fists. Even though that overrated General Mattis said it would take two years, the Trump Man got it done in just one month. All by hisself, mind ye.”

Astonished by the courage and skill of our fearless commander-in-chief, I implored Cletus to share how he had learned of these daring escapades.

“Well, every since them social media queerfolk made it hard to find Alex Jones online, I started following a bunch of conservative bloggers, and I just pieced it all together myself. Now, that’s all the time I have for questions. Wrastlin’s about to come on.”

Being a credible journalist, I needed to verify this story, so I rushed from Arkansas to South Carolina to meet up with one of the conservative bloggers in person, William Joseph Cartwright III. He took a break from perusing Facebook political ads and greeted me warmly.

“Just researching a new article,” Cartwright said, minimizing the window. “The only source I trust for news now is Facebook ads. To your question about the president battling ISIS at night, I can only offer one small correction, given the distance, it’s actually daylight over there when he lands, which if you think about it, makes him even more badass. I mean, even Batman had to fight criminals under the cover of night. And think about the courage the president displays to endure the pain of his bone spurs while battling these terrorists. That real courage. American courage,”

Thrilled to have verification of this spectacular tale, I rushed home to compile this article, grateful to live in a country with such a stalwart leader.

Rocky Top Ramblings – 12/02/2017

BNRsgnx

Breaking News from sources close to the University of Tennessee. The Vols have finally landed their dream coach as Philip Fulmer has convinced Jon Gruden to leave the broadcast booth and take over the helm of one of the most storied programs in college football history.

“This is a great moment for the city, the university, and the state,” a source close to university officials stated earlier this evening. “Coach Gruden is the only man who can return this football team to its rightful place in the Citrus Bowl.”

Details of the deal are still unavailable, but insiders avow that Gruden will be the highest paid coach well into the next millennium.

However, even with this historic signing, controversy has erupted around campus as students, parents, and faculty are mobilizing to block the hiring of the lovable icon known as Chuckie for his unusual resemblance to the movie character.

“According to official documents, we have learned that Jon Gruden once shared a commercial flight with a man who is close friends with Matt Lauer’s neighbor,” claims Professor of Psychology Dr. Jen Touchyfeely. “Clearly, we cannot condone the university hiring somebody so closely linked to someone fired for being accused of inappropriate behavior.”

Not only that, a spokesperson for the university’s chapter of Young Feminists on Campus claims to have solid proof of rumors that Gruden occasionally watched Charlie Rose on PBS and once laughed at a joke by Louis C.K.

“Look, we are in the midst of a serious witch-hunt here,” interjects local talk radio personality Ima Deballer. “We are fueled by emotional knee-jerk reactions and mass hysteria over accusations against powerful men. There is no room for rational discourse or physical evidence. Anyone who questions these allegations clearly supports rape culture.”

However, some students are not convinced.

“Look, we have a tradition to uphold at this university,” states Slosh D. Frat III. “We have to loathe our coaches as scapegoats for the inadequacies of literacy rates and median household incomes in this state. We haven’t had a football coach to lambaste on talk radio for nearly a month. This [expletive deleted] university needs to hire a [expletive deleted] football coach to return meaning to my brief periods of sobriety or I’m transferring to a school with a real coaching carousel.”

Due to the turmoil surrounding the university and the national wave of copycat behavior by executives in response to allegations of improper behavior, the University of Tennessee has rescinded its offer to Jon Gruden and is contemplating hiring the first female football coach in NCAA FBS history.

Cover Reveal Ramblings – 4/1/17

My apologies for the delay in a new post, but with the warmer weather, I’ve been extremely busy with things on the farm and at my job.

Just a quick update, editing on book five is progressing nicely, so hopefully, the book will be ready for release by the end of this month or early May. I can’t wait to share this final installment of The Brotherhood of Dwarves series with my readers, especially those who have been waiting since book four was first released.

Because I’m back to being a self-published author, I had to find some cost cutting measures to get this book ready for publication. I decided to knock off some rust and polish up my artistic skills to do this cover myself. I think I managed to mimic the style of the first four covers quite well, and I think readers will love it as much as I do. So without further ado, here is the cover for book five: