There’s a pandemic brewing in this nation, one that threatens to erode the foundations of our society. If left unchecked, this pandemic will undermine the very fabric of our communities.
This pandemic is gay divorce.
While some gay couples still fight for the right to get married, others are now struggling to get their vows undone. Courthouses are filled with gay couples who just a short time back stood in line to join in marital bliss but now regret walking down the aisle. Unfortunately, as of yet, there is no legislation regulating the rights of gays to disband a marriage.
“Well, we just didn’t think about it,” says a congressional leader from Massachusetts who wishes to remain anonymous. “We worked so hard to pass the right to marry that we didn’t think we’d need any laws for divorce. We were all a little naive, I guess.”
According to conservative bloggers, the right to divorce from a gay marriage undermines the institution of marriage.
“If gay couples can’t stay united in matrimony, what kind of a signal does that send to kids?” asks William Joseph Cartwright III, a conservative blogger from South Carolina. “The next generation will see this example and think that marriage is no big deal. Before you know it, there will be drive-thru wedding chapels. Marriage is a sacred institution that must be respected.”
Gay couples, however, are defending their right to divorce:
“For 20 years, we were the perfect couple,” states Alice McButchy, gay married woman and owner of Alice’s Home Security. “Then, after we got married, she started in with all this crap about how I never pay attention to her anymore and how we don’t do anything together. It’s been a nightmare. Our sex life has even diminished.”
Straight divorced men have even joined the debate.
“I hate to say I told you so,” says Johnny Bitterman. “But we tried to tell gay couples that marriage wasn’t worth it. Like everything else, they had to find out for themselves. I’ve been married and happy, and let me tell you, I much prefer happy.”
As legislators scramble to write new laws regarding division of property and alimony specific to gay couples, conservatives are urging action.
“Write your congressional representative and urge them to stop gay divorce,” Cartwright says. “Stand up for the sanctity of marriage and force gay couples to stay together. If they are allowed to divorce willy-nilly, the whole concept of marriage as we know it will become an empty shell. Gay couples need to preserve their marriages and set a good example for the children.”