Tag Archives: spirituality

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Wednesday Morning Ramblings

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My oldest doesn’t call me daddy very often anymore.  Since he’s now a big boy, it’s usually just dad.  Last night, however, I got a surprise daddy while we were saying good night.  For his entire life, I’ve sung songs to him at bedtime.  Obviously for the last three years, it’s mostly been over the phone, but it has remained our tradition as often as we get to talk, usually three to four nights a week.  Over the last couple of years, he has been singing songs back to me, sometimes accompanying me, sometimes by himself.  Recently, he has begun making up his own songs, usually about his favorite video game or a new episode of Spongebob that he’s seen, and there simply aren’t words for how much I enjoy listening to him.  My only complaint is that I don’t get to share this with my youngest as well, but at four, he’s going through a phase of not wanting to talk on the phone.

At first last night, Collin said he didn’t want to sing himself because he was tired and wanted to finish watching House of Inubis, but when I started to say good night, he acted disappointed that we were hanging up, so I asked him again.  Once more, he said no at first but then said, “Okay, I’ll sing three songs.”  Whenever he finishes one of his original compositions, he always asks what I thought of it, and I always offer him praise.  While his voice isn’t yet melodic, he has innate musical talent, and I very much want to encourage and nurture that.  He’s also a very sensitive child who needs positive reinforcement much more than criticism, so whenever possible, I tell him good things about himself.

When he finished his second song, he asked, “Did you like that song, Daddy?”  There was something in the tone of how he asked the question that overcame me.  In his little six year old voice, I heard how vulnerable and sensitive he really is.  I also heard just how much my opinion means to him.  Every instinct and every cell of my being wanted to hug him and reassure him that he is a good kid who is smart and talented and special.  I wanted him to see the love in my eyes and feel the security of my embrace the same as I felt when my father comforted me.  The only thing I had to offer was my voice, so I said, “I loved it, son.  You’re awesome.”

I’m not certain that he felt all that I wanted him to feel, but I did my best.  He’s such an amazing guy with so much possibility, but I see his self-doubts and uncertainties, and I know those feelings all too well.  I would give anything and everything to take those feelings from him and replace them with strength and self-confidence.  The man he can be has more potential than I ever had.  He has so much charisma and magnetism, so much creativity and imagination, so much physical and inner beauty.  His possibilities are boundless.  My hope is that I can help to instill in him the self-esteem and confidence to see those possibilities.  My hope is that he can have what I never did–a positive sense of self-worth that allows him to face the world with courage and determination.

General Posts

Monday Afternoon Ramblings

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As I wrote the other day, I still feel young at heart, so please don’t read this as some mid-life freak out about realizing my own mortality.  I’ve known my mortality quite well since I was 16, and the acceptance of death and dying has long been settled in my heart.  However, I’ve come to realize recently that my body is weakening and will never again return to its former strength.  Until just a couple of years ago, I felt as if physically I could still do most of the things I had been able to do as a young man.  Now, I can tell that the strength I once had will never return.

I’m still fairly strong and still have a decent level of endurance, but I’ve come to accept that the muscle in my lower back that I first hurt lifting weights at 15 and then re-injured playing golf at 29 will never fully heal.  My legs will always have this dull ache; my grip, once ferociously solid like an iron rod, is now more like an aluminum bar.  For most of my life I felt as if I could move any physical object put before me.  Now, I feel my limitations.  Coming to terms with my waning strength is not easy because I’ve always defined myself in part as a very strong man, and I’ve rarely felt threatened because of that power in my legs and core.  Now, I’m not so certain I could defend myself against a young buck, and that’s a hard thing to face.

On the other hand, I feel healthier than I can ever remember.  I’m eating better and taking better care of myself than at any time in my life, so even though my strength is diminishing, my physical self feels good.  It’s an odd combination to feel myself losing strength on one side but also to feel my health improving on the other.  Obviously, overall health is more important than physical strength, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss how strong I used to be.  It’s not easy to let go of visions of myself as I was in my youth, but I’m learning how, and the amazing part is that the more I let go of those old visions, the more I like the man I am today.

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General Posts

Saturday Afternoon Ramblings

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I’m sitting here thinking about karma and how it comes around eventually.  It might not move according to our expectations or wants, but it does move, and when it does come back to someone, it often comes back in abundance.  Karma is patient and never forgets, so eventually, it will find the time and place to return to a person what they have given others.

People who have spent their lives toying with other people’s hearts or sneaking around to play games or discarding another’s love in search of something better shouldn’t act surprised when karma returns and repays them for their treachery.  They have sewn the seeds of turmoil by their selfishness, so their lives often descend into chaos and unhappiness.  Even if on the outside they appear to be living well, internally they often are being eaten alive by their mistrust,  shame,  guilt, and regret.

Those who show compassion and treat others well are often rewarded with inner peace, tranquility, and wisdom.  They may never find wealth, but their lives are blessed and if not happy, then at least content.  That may sound hokey, corny, and archaic to some, but to those of us who have seen karma at work, we know that there is a basic law at work in our lives–regardless of what trials and obstacles life throws in your path, ultimately you will get back what you give.

www.daadams.com