Category Archives: General Posts

Sports, relationships, parenting, literature, education, and more. If it catches my interest that day, I’ll write about it.

About Time

I fully admit and accept that it’s rather cliche for someone who has been incarcerated to wax poetic about time, but in my experience on this earth, nothing brings it into such sharp focus quite so well. There is our measurement of time–the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years we use to mark its passage. This artificial system, though imperfect and dynamic according to the laws of physics, serves it purpose of keeping our minds grounded in the present while still allowing us to consider the past and future. We need this system, else many of us would slip into madness as time flowed forever onward. But the system is not the thing itself, merely our tool for counting it.

Then, there is our perception of time, an inconstant and capricious master that drives our every waking moment. During joyful moments, time seems to fly as the old saying goes, while during the difficult experiences it can seem nearly to stop. In jail, one single night can feel like a veritable lifetime as the seconds crawl along. Much more so than our system for measuring it, our perception of time is dynamic and pliable to the whims of circumstance. But still, our perception is not the thing itself.

Time itself flows forward, inexorable and implacable as it goes. Time cares nothing for circumstance or systems of measurement. It merely is, and whether we like it or not, whether we accept it or not, time moves in one direction, only in that direction, and only at a constant rate. You cannot recapture yesterday, and you cannot fast forward to tomorrow. If you are alive on this planet, you must endure the relentless flow of time one moment to the next. Learning and accepting this fact can be the most important thing you ever do for yourself.

Regardless of my┬ácircumstances or what I choose to do, today will slip away. If I’m mired in an unpleasant situation, I can choose to sit by passively and wait for it to pass, and it will, though what about my circumstances have really changed? Have I learned anything? Grown as a person? Changed my perception? Or am I merely allowing time to flow by as I hope for something positive to happen?

If time is going to pass regardless, then I will use my moments to pursue actively those things I desire. Do I really want to lose weight? I can find 30 minutes in each day to walk if I choose to. Do I truly want to improve my vocabulary? There is time if I take advantage of the moments. Am I stuck in a suffocating relationship? What will change if I don’t utilize time to my advantage and find a way out of those circumstances? Whatever it is, the time is going to pass whether I take action or not, so I am much better off using time to improve something about myself, and if I make small incremental changes every single day, over the course of weeks and months, I will see the benefits of those choices.

That is what I’ve learned about time.

A New Direction

When I first started this blog back in 2009, I did so for the primary purpose of having a medium to keep my writing skills sharp during the academic year when I didn’t have time to work on a book or stories. The secondary purpose was to reach my readers on a more direct level so that we could interact. From the outset, I approached this blog with the simple guideline that I wrote about whatever I wanted on any given day. Any subject was fair game. I feel like I wrote some pretty strong pieces through this medium, and for the most part I have no regrets about the blog itself.

However, times have changed, as have my circumstances. During my incarceration, I thought long and hard about what I would like to do here once I got out. At heart, in addition to being a writer (I will always consider myself a writer first and foremost), I am an educator, someone who thrives on helping others expand their own skills and improve their lives, but when I left the system in 2014, I left permanently because of the soul-crushing bureaucracy and the insane for-profit business model overtaking higher education. Now, with the stigma associated with my current situation, I couldn’t return to the profession if I wanted to. But that doesn’t mean I cannot still teach on my own terms.

To that end, I am going to turn my blog into an online classroom of sorts. I will have at least four new weekly segments dedicated to the craft of writing. First and foremost, there will be a video lecture series in which I share some of what I know. Each video will be roughly 10 minutes in length and will cover mostly the material I used to share in the classroom. Second, there will be a day dedicated to vocabulary. Each week I will share 20 or so new words with definitions, usages, and etymologies. Third, one day a week, I will open up the blog for questions on the subject of writing and will offer the best feedback I can. PLEASE NOTE: I will not read and critique manuscripts. I do not have the time or energy for that. Last, I will also share a weekly book review of a novel I feel is worthy of study by aspiring writers. These reviews will be done solely at my discretion and will be limited to books already published (and usually fairly successful and/or acclaimed). These four segments will be the meat of my new blog, and if popularity warrants, I will continue for as long as possible. I may still have a fifth segment where I have a weekly Rambling on some topic of my choosing, but I’m not certain of that yet.

There are two primary reasons why I want to make these changes at this time. For starters, as I said, I am still at heart an educator, and as such I still feel a burning passion to share my knowledge with others. I love language–the sound of words; the power of a well-constructed sentence; the ability to evoke emotions, challenge assumptions, and affect persuasion. I want other to partake in this great dance and find their own voices to add to the chorus. The second reason for these changes is more selfish. I feel like this new format will help me reach a broader audience, not just for this blog but also for my own writings. Only time will tell if that proves true.

I will continue to write and publish my own works. Book five of The Brotherhood of Dwarves series is already in progress. In addition to that, I intend to write more Sam Skeen novellas. I also have a futuristic urban fantasy series that I will begin as soon as I finish book five. Finally, I have decided to revisit some of my older writings and see if anything can be salvaged from that scrapheap. If people like it, I will continue to develop those ideas; if not, I’ll march forward with the other three series.

There is much work to be done–on the blog, with books, around my home, and in my personal life. It may take another week or do to get the new format launched, but it is coming soon. I want to have the first couple of videos finished and ready to upload to YouTube before giving this site its makeover. Please, stay tuned for all that’s coming, for the future feels promising to me for the first time in many years. Finally, thank you for all of the love and support you have shown me over the last week. My heart is full and I am blessed beyond measure by all of the messages and comments I’ve received. With you behind me, there is no limit to how far I can go.

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The Hardest Piece I’ve Ever Written

For some of you, this post will prove to be quite a shock, while others already know some of the details. On April 6, 2015, I was arrested on one count of aggravated statutory rape. For the last 15 months, I have been incarcerated in the Hamblen County Jail. On Thursday, July 14, 2016, I agreed to a “Best Interest” plea bargain, which means that I do not admit guilt but accepted the lesser charge of statutory rape in lieu of risking a harsher sentence and possibly time in prison. From that plea bargain, I am now a registered sex offender. I would prefer you to hear it from me directly than from elsewhere.

I’ve had ample time to reflect, gather my thoughts, and contemplate this entire situation. To dispose of the obvious, jail sucks. The privations and unsanitary conditions are grossly inhumane, an inherent byproduct of overcrowding and underfunding. The noisome environment goes beyond anything reasonable for administering punishment. For my part, I have no interest in reliving the worst of the ordeal, so please, do not ask for details. I will not discuss what I endured during my durance, so please, respect my privacy on that subject. I survived and ultimately that’s all that matters.

Now, to dispense with the negative. Because of the accusation, the arrest, and now the plea bargain, I’ve lost many people who were precious to me–family, friends, a woman I loved very much, my sons. There are people who have spread outright lies about the situation, exaggerating my charge to monstrous proportions. There are those who rushed to judgment based on sensationalized media reports and gossip, and those who believe I was not punished harshly enough. I have no control over any of that. All I can do is live my life to the best of my ability and conduct myself in a manner which exemplifies the content of my heart. I wish nothing malevolent on anyone. There are people I hope to rebuild a relationship with and others who are permanently erased from my life, but for my part, I am trying not to carry any animosity in my heart towards anybody.

To the people who have reserved judgment or checked on my well-being or sent kind words of encouragement, from the deepest part of my soul, you have my eternal love and gratitude. To the handful or so who took the time to send me letters and let me know that I was in your thoughts and prayers, I owe you a debt I can never repay, for you will probably never know just how much your words meant to me.

To everyone, I apologize for putting myself in a position even to be accused of this crime. While I still maintain my innocence of the sex crime, I made stupid decisions and showed terrible judgment by allowing myself to be in a situation where the accusation had even a hint of credibility. I do accept responsibility for all of the hurt, embarrassment, friction, confusion, and anxiety I have caused the people who love and care for me. Even though I know some people will never forgive me or believe in me again, I do hope that some of you will allow me an opportunity to redeem myself and prove the true content of my character.

Fifteen months in a tiny cell allows for plenty of introspection, and the most important realization I gleaned during this time is that I have allowed anger and acrimony to control too much of my life for the last 8-9 years. Over the past few months, I have labored diligently to let go of the negative. That’s not to say that anger doesn’t bubble up. It most certainly does. I cannot control whether or not the emotion surfaces; however, I can control how I react to it and whether or not I allow it to control me. My life has been spent in service to others, and I want to be remembered not only as a talented writer but more importantly as a compassionate person full of love and kindness. Anger does not fit into that equation, and holding onto it will only destroy the man I truly am, so a I strive daily to let it go.

A long, steep, difficult climb awaits me. My name and reputation are ruined; of that I have no delusions. There are many fences I must mend and much, much work to catch up on. Living in compliance with the registry will not be easy, but I will make every effort to abide within those parameters. If you are someone who does not want me to be part of your life, please just tell me. I have no desire to make anyone uncomfortable or to impose myself on where I’m not wanted. At this point, my top priority is to rebuild the relationship with my sons. Beyond that, I also hope to get my health in order and reclaim something of my tattered career. I have no idea what the future may hold for me, but I intend to face it with as much courage and dignity as I can muster.