Tag Archives: Politics

Climate Change Ramblings

Since Climate Change is a conspiracy created by Al Gore and disseminated by the Jew-run liberal media, I decided to check with religious experts for answers to the weather extremes we’ve been experiencing in the South.  I traveled to Goose Rock, Kentucky and met with Bubba Blacklung, graduate of Oral Roberts University and meteorologist for the Goose Creek Missionary Baptist Church Newsletter.  I asked Mr. Blacklung what has been causing all of this rain that has flooded the Southeast and claimed so many lives.

“As we all know,” he began.  “Rain is nothing more than God’s tears, and since that nig…uh…socialist got elected president, God’s crying extry hard.  As long as the White House ain’t white, we’ll keep on seeing God’s tears flood the earth.”

I then asked if barometric pressures could be the cause.

“Well, I don’t see what music has to do with weather.  I guess if someone sang off key real bad that could cause God to cry.”

Confused, I asked about the geography classes he studied at ORU.

“They learned me real good about how to predict the weather.  If God gets sad it rains.  If He’s mad, it lightnings.  If He’s happy, we get sunny days to go fishing on.  Now, no one knows how to predict God’s moods, so that’s why it’s so hard to get the weather right.”

When I asked if scientific advancements like Doppler Radar and satellite imaging had made meteorology more accurate, he became agitated.

“Looky cheer, them fancy devices are nothing more than spy cameras so them socialists in Washington can keep an eye on us.  There ain’t no way a big golf ball can read God’s mood, so if you’re gonna talk that devil-talk nonsense, you can march yourself right on out of cheer.”

I apologized for the misunderstanding.

“Doppler Radar!” he scoffed.  “Next thing you’ll be telling me is they have big machines that can look inside the human body and find diseases.”

Earth Day Ramblings

Today is Earth Day, the day when we are reminded that we live a planet called Earth.  It’s also the day when arrogant liberals attempt to convince the rest of us that we are destroying the planet.  Now, I’m not saying that I don’t believe in climate change, because I do.  What I don’t believe is that we have the capability of destroying the planet.  We might make a few million species go extinct, including ourselves, and we might wound the planet badly for a few thousand years, but the planet will keep on spinning around the sun.

After we as a species are gone, a new one will rise out of the muck and take its place atop the food chain.  If the archaeological record is any indication, this species will reign for a time and then also diminish.  This process will repeat itself until the sun becomes a white dwarf in about five billion years.  It would take a catastrophic event, such as a massive asteroid striking the Earth, to destroy the planet.

What we do have the power to do is make this planet uninhabitable for ourselves, and in our hubris, we’ve been making great strides in that direction.  We clear cut forests that convert CO2 into oxygen and then over-produce CO2 by relying too heavily on fossil fuels.  We pollute our air, water, and food supplies with little regard for the future.  We deplete natural resources instead of pursuing renewable resources.  We ignore the advice of mainstream science in the name of commerce.  I’ll reiterate again that I’m not against commerce.  I like the free market, but I am against reckless commerce that doesn’t look beyond the present.

We need to re-energize the space program and send a team to Mars.  We need to develop renewable energy sources that are less expensive and less damaging to our environment.  We need to regrow more forests to re-establish the global CO2 balance.  We need to become responsible stewards of our home.  In Genesis, God charged Adam with caring for the Earth and shepherding the animals, not wrecking the planet and abusing the animals.  The irony that conservatives are against conservation is almost too much to process.

The most important thing we as a species need to do is overcome thousands of years of animalistic superstition and occultism and see the world through a rational lens.  We are a species at the top of the food chain on a planet called Earth.  Our ecosystem survives on a balance between oxygen and carbon dioxide, and that ecosystem is a fragile, precious gift that sustains our lives.  If we want to continue our reign atop the food chain, we need to makes changes to how we produce energy and food, and we need to improve how we manage our waste.  If we fail to make these changes and adapt as a species, the planet will rid itself of us long before we can figure out how to destroy it.

www.thirdaxe.com

Gay Marriage Ramblings

There’s a pandemic brewing in this nation, one that threatens to erode the foundations of our society.  If left unchecked, this pandemic will undermine the very fabric of our communities.

This pandemic is gay divorce.

While some gay couples still fight for the right to get married, others are now struggling to get their vows undone.  Courthouses are filled with gay couples who just a short time back stood in line to join in marital bliss but now regret walking down the aisle.  Unfortunately, as of yet, there is no legislation regulating the rights of gays to disband a marriage.

“Well, we just didn’t think about it,” says a congressional leader from Massachusetts who wishes to remain anonymous.  “We worked so hard to pass the right to marry that we didn’t think we’d need any laws for divorce.  We were all a little naive, I guess.”

According to conservative bloggers, the right to divorce from a gay marriage undermines the institution of marriage.

“If gay couples can’t stay united in matrimony, what kind of a signal does that send to kids?”  asks William Joseph Cartwright III, a conservative blogger from South Carolina.  “The next generation will see this example and think that marriage is no big deal.  Before you know it, there will be drive-thru wedding chapels.  Marriage is a sacred institution that must be respected.”

Gay couples, however, are defending their right to divorce:

“For 20 years, we were the perfect couple,” states Alice McButchy, gay married woman and owner of Alice’s Home Security.  “Then, after we got married, she started in with all this crap about how I never pay attention to her anymore and how we don’t do anything together.  It’s been a nightmare.  Our sex life has even diminished.”

Straight divorced men have even joined the debate.

“I hate to say I told you so,” says Johnny Bitterman.  “But we tried to tell gay couples that marriage wasn’t worth it.  Like everything else, they had to find out for themselves.  I’ve been married and happy, and let me tell you, I much prefer happy.”

As legislators scramble to write new laws regarding division of property and alimony specific to gay couples, conservatives are urging action.

“Write your congressional representative and urge them to stop gay divorce,” Cartwright says.  “Stand up for the sanctity of marriage and force gay couples to stay together.  If they are allowed to divorce willy-nilly, the whole concept of marriage as we know it will become an empty shell.  Gay couples need to preserve their marriages and set a good example for the children.”

www.thirdaxe.com