Since Climate Change is a conspiracy created by Al Gore and disseminated by the Jew-run liberal media, I decided to check with religious experts for answers to the weather extremes we’ve been experiencing in the South. I traveled to Goose Rock, Kentucky and met with Bubba Blacklung, graduate of Oral Roberts University and meteorologist for the Goose Creek Missionary Baptist Church Newsletter. I asked Mr. Blacklung what has been causing all of this rain that has flooded the Southeast and claimed so many lives.
“As we all know,” he began. “Rain is nothing more than God’s tears, and since that nig…uh…socialist got elected president, God’s crying extry hard. As long as the White House ain’t white, we’ll keep on seeing God’s tears flood the earth.”
I then asked if barometric pressures could be the cause.
“Well, I don’t see what music has to do with weather. I guess if someone sang off key real bad that could cause God to cry.”
Confused, I asked about the geography classes he studied at ORU.
“They learned me real good about how to predict the weather. If God gets sad it rains. If He’s mad, it lightnings. If He’s happy, we get sunny days to go fishing on. Now, no one knows how to predict God’s moods, so that’s why it’s so hard to get the weather right.”
When I asked if scientific advancements like Doppler Radar and satellite imaging had made meteorology more accurate, he became agitated.
“Looky cheer, them fancy devices are nothing more than spy cameras so them socialists in Washington can keep an eye on us. There ain’t no way a big golf ball can read God’s mood, so if you’re gonna talk that devil-talk nonsense, you can march yourself right on out of cheer.”
I apologized for the misunderstanding.
“Doppler Radar!” he scoffed. “Next thing you’ll be telling me is they have big machines that can look inside the human body and find diseases.”