Tag Archives: Politics

Humor

Political Ramblings

1 Comment

Warning: Contents might be offensive.  Read at your own risk.

A few days ago, my buddy Richard Drake shared a link to a conservative “humor” site called The Looking Spoon where there was a “You Might Be a Liberal If…” list.  The site just wasn’t funny.  Not even accidentally.  It wasn’t even funny in an ironic, unintended way.  There was no timing to it, no energy, just a bunch of schoolyard bully taunts strung together.  Of course, being the egomaniac that I am, my first thought was, “I can do better than that.”  So I thought I’d share my own “You Might Be a Liberal If…” list.  Then, I got to thinking that I should do a similar list for conservatives, just to be fair and balanced, so to speak.  The following are what I came up with.  Be warned, however.  There’s a very good chance you’ll be offended:

You Might Be A Liberal:

10) If your first solution to any problem is to form a government agency to regulate it…
9) If you’ve ever quoted Noam Chomsky at a soiree …
8) If you’ve ever found yourself at a bar having an intellectual debate about Post-Modernist existentialism while sipping a pinot grigio…
7) If you believe the only reason radical Islamics have declared a Jihad against the US is because they aren’t in touch with their feelings…
6) If you believe all hunters are ignorant Neanderthals and the only people who should be trusted with guns are government officials…
5) If you can’t understand why your mime interpretation of that obscure German novel never took off as a commercial hit…
4) If you’ve ever referred to the Heartland as “Fly over country”…
3) If you think Fidel Castro isn’t such a bad guy…
2) If you believe most criminals are just misunderstood unfortunates who could be reformed if someone simply took the time to listen to their feelings…
1) If you have an abortion clinic on speed dial…

You Might Be a Conservative:

10) If you are certain god will never let us run out of oil because he loves NASCAR too much…
9) If you believe the only problem with our education system is the omission of the words “under God” from the pledge of allegiance…
8) If you believe all science is a conspiracy to help Al Gore make money…
7) If you think vegetarians just don’t know what they’re missing as you bite into your bacon cheeseburger…
6) If you believe Fox News is the only unbiased news source…
5) If you think civil servants are pampered and overpaid…
4) If you think the answer to all of our problems is just more prayer…
3) If you think Karl Rove isn’t such a bad guy…
2) If you believe most CEO’s are just misunderstood fortunates who deserve $100 million bonuses for bankrupting their companies…
1) If you’re in denial about certain sexual urges…

I hope these lists at least evoke a good chuckle, and before you fire off your angry email to me, please keep in mind that this is filed under the humor category for a reason.

General Posts

Monday Afternoon Ramblings

Leave a comment

My ex used to tease me that I have a cushy job at the college and shouldn’t complain, but as I’m sitting here in my office on a rainy Monday morning after spending most of the day yesterday grading some awful papers, I can’t help but feeling like this job is anything but cushy.  I can only speak for myself, but personally, I got into teaching because I wanted to give something back to my community.  I felt a deep and sincere calling to share my knowledge of language with others, and I truly believed that the ability to read and write was important for a society to thrive and innovate.  I accepted the low wages and long hours because I believed in the nobility of the profession, and for the first few years, the feeling of satisfaction helped ease the burden of low pay.

Now, I truly feel like a buffoon and a sucker for attempting to give something back to a community that neither respects my contribution nor acknowledges its long-term importance.  This current attempt to dismantle public education has so disgusted me that I no longer want to fight back.  I want to walk away from this profession and encourage all of my friends to do the same.  If this country doesn’t want professional educators, then survive without us.  Let’s see how many generations can remain prosperous without the abilities to read, write, and perform basic arithmetic in a technologically sophisticated world.

For nearly 14 years, I’ve been overworked and underpaid, and when I hear politicians and pundits saying aloud that teachers overly compensated compared to the private sector, I want to smash something large and heavy.  Engineers, accountants, architects, and nearly every other profession that requires equitable education make more than double what I earn.  In addition to being underpaid, we get more and more duties dumped in our laps every year, and more and more of the onus for student achievement is placed on our shoulders.  Then, as if that weren’t enough to make the job miserable, the students continue to get dumber, lazier, and more apathetic every semester, which strips away the small measure of fulfillment that used to come with seeing the light bulb moments.

Honestly, I’d rather work at hard physical labor all day and see some positive results at the end of the day than have this “cushy” job that just takes and takes and takes.  When I’m at the building working, I feel good about myself and my efforts.  When I’m here at the college, I feel as if I’m spinning my wheels in a futile attempt to reach people who see me mostly as their enemy to satisfy the political leadership that openly calls me their enemy.  In short, I’m done giving back as an educator.  I’m finished fighting the good fight.

General Posts

Monday Evening Ramblings

1 Comment

I know I’m an idealistic dreamer, but I do dream of a world where each of us has the opportunity to reach our full potential.  I dream that one day education will be just as valued as athletics, that serving the community will be as justly rewarded as exploiting it, and that individual greed will supplanted by cooperation and compassion.  Yes, I’m probably foolish and naive, but in my heart of hearts, I believe that such a world is still possible.  It may take the utter collapse and ruin of our current modus operandi for it to come to fruition, but I still believe that humanity has the potential to create such a world.

If that makes me a dirty, evil socialist, then that’s what I am.  While I’m not a religious person and believe that all religions are for-profit enterprises, I do believe in the Seven Deadly Sins, and I believe that a society that is built upon promoting and rewarding those sins is doomed to fail.  If we are to exist as a species that lives in highly sophisticated social networks and complex urban centers, then we have to live in a manner that provides opportunities for all to compete.  That’s not to say all will win.  That’s a foolish notion, but unless everyone has an opportunity to strive for a better life, freedom is just a lie.

We’re at the end of an era.  We are either going to find new approaches to how we interact with our environment or we are going to perish.  We will either progress forward in how we interact with one another, or we will kill ourselves into extinction.  The choice is ours.  Personally, I do not fear for tomorrow because I believe that we as a species are smart enough to find solutions to our most difficult issues, and while there will always be the fear-mongers who use hate and irrational rage to empower themselves, truth eventually wins out, justice eventually triumphs.  Again, I am probably foolish and naive, but I still believe that we as a species are moving forward to a better life, even if the steps may sometimes be too small for one generation to see clearly.