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Please Forward to All Faculty Effective Immediately:

Due to increased the standards of the All Children Left Behind and Race to a Stop Acts, the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy has implemented the following guidelines for evaluating student performance.  All faculty members must adhere to these guidelines without question in order to improve our educational rankings among developed nations.

Section 1 – Does the student attend class regularly and refrain from disruptive behavior?  If yes, refer to Article 1-.01A.  If no, refer to Section 2.

Section 2 – Does the student attend class semi-regularly and refrain from drooling while asleep and/or defecating themselves during class time?  If yes, refer to Article 2-.02A.  If no, refer to Section 3.

Section 3 – Does the defecation have a foul odor?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, refer to Section 4.

Section 4 – Is the student armed? If yes, refer to Section 5.  If no, refer to Section 6.

Section 5 – Is the student a proficient marksman?  If yes, refer to Article 2-.o2A.  If no, refer to Article 3-.o3A.

Section 6 – Has the instructor made every attempt to meet the emotional needs of the student?  If yes, refer to Section 7.  If no, refer to Article 2-.o2A.

Section 7 – Has the instructor simplified the material adequately to engage students on their level of proficiency?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, refer to Section 8.

Section 8 – Has the instructor attempted doing the work for the students?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, please report to the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy for immediate reassignment.

Article 1-.01A – Pass them with an A.

Article 2-.o2A – Pass them with an A.

Article 3-.o3A – Convince them to withdraw from the institution so their numbers don’t count against us.

Remember, student performance is a direct reflection on your ability to teach.  Following these guidelines will make you a more efficient teacher and improve the long-term sustainability of our workforce development.

General Posts

Tuesday Afternoon Ramblings

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I’ve told this story hundreds if not thousands of times, but one of the most important lessons I ever learned in life came my freshman year of high school.  I played defensive end on a 5-3 defense, which would be fairly close to the equivalent to the OLB on a modern 3-4.  During a scrimmage with Knox Carter, I missed a tackle because I half-assed got into the backfield and didn’t set a solid edge.  Then, to compound matters, I dove at the running back as he sprinted by me and lay on the ground, feeling sorry for myself for not making the play.  As I lay there, I heard Coach Brumley Greene come charging onto the field.

He grabbed my facemask, lifted me from the ground, and got in my face.  For the next two minutes, he proceeded to berate me for my pathetic effort on the play.  As he yelled and shook my facemask, spit flew from his mouth onto my glasses, cheeks, and lips.  He let me know without question that I, and I alone, was the only person responsible for the effort I gave.  This incident occurred in front of at least 100 people, most of them my age, and at the tender age of 13, I was mortified by the embarrassment.  As soon as Coach Greene finished humiliating me, he turned to the other team’s coach and ordered him to run the same play.  “Yes, sir,” was the only response.

On my second attempt, I nearly killed the poor ball carrier, and even before I could get to my feet, here came Coach Greene.  Again, he grabbed my facemask and sprayed me with spittle, but this time it was in congratulations.  Even at 13, I got it.  My effort was the only difference in the two plays, and despite the humiliation, or maybe more accurately because of it, I learned in that moment the importance of giving my all.  To this day, I cherish Coach Greene for teaching me that so early in life.

Today, however, he would be fired the moment he touched me.  The spit alone would be grounds for a lawsuit, and that, I wholeheartedly believe, is the crux of where we’ve strayed as a nation.  In a misguided attempt to protect young people’s feelings, we have robbed educators of some the most powerful teaching weapons in the arsenal.  Humiliation, shame, and fear are mighty motivators, and some of the best life lessons we learn have to bruise our feelings to leave a lasting impression.  From my own experience I can attest, the humiliation faded rather quickly, but the lesson has lasted my entire life.  Thank you, Coach Greene, for caring enough to teach me that lesson.

General Posts

Birthday Ramblings

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Today, I turn 39, and let me tell you, it’s been a wild ride.  For me, getting older doesn’t bother me because I recognize that it beats the alternative.  When I was 16, I nearly died, and while it took a few years to learn the lesson and embrace the gift I’d been granted, today I recognize that every moment of the last 22 years has been “bonus” time that I shouldn’t have had.  I won’t lie and say my life has been easy or I’ve reached the level of success I expect for myself, but I am proud of the things I have accomplished.

Nothing in this life is promised.  Nothing is guaranteed.  On this day, I’m merely grateful for another day to speak to my children,  another day to write on this blog, another day to enjoy the sun.  I don’t mind the gray in my beard or the weakening of my muscles or the little aches from old wounds.  To me, those are merely reminders of that day in 1989 when I nearly lost it all.  I’m grateful for all I’ve experienced in the last 22 years, the good and bad, because each moment has given me fuel for my creative fire.

I hope to live at least another 39 years.  I hope to write more books and more blog entries.  I hope to grow old and watch my sons become men.  I hope to grow as a person, gain more wisdom, learn to forgive, and let go of the past.  I hope to retain my kindness and compassion, because no matter what the selfish and greedy may believe, being kind and compassionate to those in need are the paths to happiness and self-contentment.  I’m still a work in progress and don’t claim to be perfect.  There are many lessons left for me to learn.  If I’m lucky, I’ll learn to be more patient with people, learn to show my love more fully, learn to be kinder to myself, and learn to forgive others.

My only selfish wish for my birthday is to sell a few books today.  So if you want to do something for my birthday, the greatest gift you could give me is to spread the word about my series and the newest release.  That’s all for now.  Hope everyone has a wonderful day.