Tag Archives: economy

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Tuesday Morning Ramblings

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I wrote last night about how I have come to question all of the major decisions of my life, but I left out one decision I don’t regret.  In my life, I’ve had every excuse to be a lowlife.  My mother is bi-polar, and my childhood was a roller-coaster of her tumultuous outbursts from unbridled rage to threats of suicide.  It would’ve been very easy for me to use that as an excuse to sit on my ass, abuse drugs, mooch off of others, and be a leech, but I chose to fight to overcome the obstacle.

We were also fairly poor for most of my childhood.  At one point we lived in a single-wide trailer with no running water, no AC, and only a kerosene heater in the winter.  I could’ve used that disadvantaged background as an excuse to become a thief or a drug dealer or some other form of a burden on society, but I chose to fight to overcome the obstacle, and while I’ve never really achieved anything resembling financial success, I’ve remained a productive contributor to society for my entire life.

At 16, I suffered a terrible accident that ended every dream and plan I had for my future.  I could’ve used that as an excuse to give up and never amount to anything, but I chose to fight to overcome the obstacle.

After my marriage ended, I had every excuse to become one those men who uses women, takes advantage of them, cheats on them, mooches off them.  I could’ve become that man, and most people would’ve shrugged and said that my spirit had been broken by the betrayal I endured.  But I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and chose to remain true to the man I am inside.  No woman, no person on this planet, not even my sons, will change who I am inside.  I will not lower myself to becoming one of those men for any reason or under any circumstance.  Instead, I will fight to overcome the obstacle.

So there is one decision that I’ve made in my life that I am proud of and I do not regret.  I’ve chosen to remain true to myself and fight through every obstacle and boundary and betrayal that’s been placed in front of me.  I always have and always will choose to be a decent human being who is a productive member of society, even if that society doesn’t appreciate it.  I will always choose to fight for the core of who I am, and I will never allow myself to become the kind of lowlife who lies, cheats, mooches, and shirks responsibility.

General Posts

Monday Afternoon Ramblings

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New wall along far side.

My apologies for being away so long, but this summer proved to be a roller coaster to say the least.  I’ll spare the details, but just about everything that could go haywire did.

Today’s entry is a brief update on the farm.  Yes, I’m still working on it and moving forward, but there have been several setbacks along the way that have made it a much slower process than I had hoped.  Most importantly, it took a lot of work to fix the flooding issue along the back wall.  Even after I installed the drainage pipe, I had to by hand rework the ground slope along the length of building to make water flow to the drains.  That was one of the hardest, dirtiest, hottest jobs I’ve ever done and took many, many days to complete.  However, now, I’m fairly confident that the situation is under control.  There are only a couple of places inside the building that need to be sealed to prevent water from flowing through erosions in the mortar.

Another major issue that has taken much more time than originally anticipated has been repairing the outer wall.  After close inspection, I realized that virtually every board along the front and far side needed to be replaced, so I’ve had to strip the entire area and cut boards to replace what was water or pest damaged.  Fortunately, the treated wood of the foundation is in good shape, but it has still been an enormous job.

Also, after looking at the water issues along the far side wall, we decided to replace much of the old wooden wall with new cinder blocks.  I’m not a brick mason, and it has been 22 years since I last laid block, so that’s coming along slowly.  Tearing out the old wall took a little time, too, but I believe that once it’s complete, the new wall will be much better against the elements.

While I’m not where I wanted to be by this point, overall, I’m pleased with the progress.  The building isn’t too far away from being functional, and we should be able to begin production over the next few months.  Again, thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me along the way with this endeavor.  I appreciate you more than I can express.

General Posts

Thursday Morning Ramblings

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Three and a half years ago, I was a broken man.  The turmoils of the economy spiraling out of control had sapped me as I worked two full-time jobs just to tread water.  The unrealistic expectations of Tusculum College working me like a dog and treating me like a second-class citizen had exhausted my body.  The struggles to launch my writing career had dampened my spirit.  And the neediness of a lazy, selfish, lying, cheating wife had crushed my soul as I felt used and discarded like a bag of garbage.  Three and a half years ago, I had nothing left to fight with.

For two and a half years, I languished in hell, missing my children, feeling like a failure, believing myself at fault for everything, but still, I struggled to get to my feet.  Many nights, I cried myself to sleep.  Many mornings, I forced myself out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.  I wrote on book three, traveled to conventions, started this blog, taught my classes at Walters State and slowly, ever so slowly, lifted myself from the depths.

Today, I am not broken.  Today, my will has been reforged in the fires of hell and is stronger than ever before.  Today, my body is hale and virile.  My spirit is refreshed.  My soul is renewed.  Today, I am decent man, working as an instructor of English, writing my fourth book, and building an organic farm.  If you knew me three and a half years ago and believe I am weak and shattered, you will be surprised, for while I admit that back then all my fight was gone, today, I’m a new man.  Today, I’ve got the green light; I’ve got a little fight.  I’m gonna turn this thing around.  Can you read my mind?