Tuesday Morning Ramblings

I wrote last night about how I have come to question all of the major decisions of my life, but I left out one decision I don’t regret.  In my life, I’ve had every excuse to be a lowlife.  My mother is bi-polar, and my childhood was a roller-coaster of her tumultuous outbursts from unbridled rage to threats of suicide.  It would’ve been very easy for me to use that as an excuse to sit on my ass, abuse drugs, mooch off of others, and be a leech, but I chose to fight to overcome the obstacle.

We were also fairly poor for most of my childhood.  At one point we lived in a single-wide trailer with no running water, no AC, and only a kerosene heater in the winter.  I could’ve used that disadvantaged background as an excuse to become a thief or a drug dealer or some other form of a burden on society, but I chose to fight to overcome the obstacle, and while I’ve never really achieved anything resembling financial success, I’ve remained a productive contributor to society for my entire life.

At 16, I suffered a terrible accident that ended every dream and plan I had for my future.  I could’ve used that as an excuse to give up and never amount to anything, but I chose to fight to overcome the obstacle.

After my marriage ended, I had every excuse to become one those men who uses women, takes advantage of them, cheats on them, mooches off them.  I could’ve become that man, and most people would’ve shrugged and said that my spirit had been broken by the betrayal I endured.  But I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and chose to remain true to the man I am inside.  No woman, no person on this planet, not even my sons, will change who I am inside.  I will not lower myself to becoming one of those men for any reason or under any circumstance.  Instead, I will fight to overcome the obstacle.

So there is one decision that I’ve made in my life that I am proud of and I do not regret.  I’ve chosen to remain true to myself and fight through every obstacle and boundary and betrayal that’s been placed in front of me.  I always have and always will choose to be a decent human being who is a productive member of society, even if that society doesn’t appreciate it.  I will always choose to fight for the core of who I am, and I will never allow myself to become the kind of lowlife who lies, cheats, mooches, and shirks responsibility.

2 thoughts on “Tuesday Morning Ramblings”

  1. D,

    Thank you for sharing that. I knew there was some reason that I admired you beyond your political satires and writing ability! All jokes aside, I admire substantive people and sad to say strife often creates them. You should be proud and know that overcoming such hardships is a wonderful refelction of your spirit and the realm of possibilities. All who wander are not lost…


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