Thursday Morning Ramblings

It frustrates me that conservatives are so entrenched in their own beliefs that any attempt by working people to assert our rights is automatically labeled as communist, Marxist, socialist, or anti-capitalist, especially when these same people hide behind religion to give them the illusion of holding moral high ground.

Here’s a quick story to illustrate my personal experience and why I believe we need reform.

Over the years, I’ve worked on and off delivering pizza.  In between undergraduate and graduate schools, I did it for two years.  The money was pretty good, and the hours allowed me plenty of time to write.  When I first finished graduate school, I went back to the job while I searched for a teaching position.  During my teaching career, I’ve gone back three or four times to make ends meet.  Just in that industry alone, I’ve firsthand witnessed a major shift in how employees are treated.

When I first started, all drivers were paid an hourly wage (usually minimum) and then commission on their nightly deliveries.  The commission was tiered so that the harder you worked and the more you delivered, the more money you earned.  If memory serves, less than 10 deliveries equaled 6.5% commission; 10-19 equaled 7.5%; and 20 or more equaled 8.5%.  There was a very clear, very tangible motivation to work harder, and everyone was making money.  Most nights, I was earning about $15 an hour total, which for a 22 year old kid wasn’t bad.  And the store was very profitable, too.

Then, when I got out of graduate school in 1999, I learned that the commission structure had been changed from a percentage to a flat rate of $1.25 per run.  This was great on small orders because it was a nice increase, but on normal and large orders, it was a noticeable decrease in pay.  Instead of being able to average $15 an hour, it became more like $12-13.  The interesting thing, however, was that the store was doing more volume at that time.

When my oldest was born and I went back to the job for the last time, things had really changed.  The per delivery pay had been decreased to $1.00, and employee meals were limited to “mistakes” that couldn’t be sold.  At that time, on a good night you might average $10 an hour.  Right after I left the position, one of the drivers informed me that the commission structure changed yet again.  Instead of a flat $1.00 per delivery, it became linked to the number of deliveries per trip out the door: $1.00 for the first, $.75 for the second, and $.50 for the third.  Where’s the motivation to work harder?  The crazy part is that the store was selling more than ever before.

To me, this is an illustration of what’s been wrong with this country for the last decade.  I guarantee the CEO and top executives of the company didn’t endure a 33% reduction in their pay while the price of food, gas, healthcare, and rent were spiraling upwards without control.  I’d be willing to bet their pay probably increased, but when we complain about that, we’re labeled as communists.

I happen to like the free market.  I happen to believe that consumers should be the ones to determine which companies flourish and which flounder, but I also understand that you can’t have a consumer class without having a strong viable middle class that earns a fair wage and can afford more than the basic necessities for survival.  I also understand that treating employees as a disposable commodity does not follow suit with the tenets of most major religions.

It’s not about throwing out capitalism.  It’s about refining the system to be more inclusive to the average person who is willing to go to work and put in a hard day’s work for a company that is making a good profit.  I strongly and firmly believe that every person who works full-time and performs up to reasonable standards should earn enough money to afford food, shelter, healthcare, education for their children, and retirement for themselves.  If that makes me a radical Marxist, then so be it, but that is what I believe, and I shall beat on that drum as long as there is breath in my body to do so.

www.thirdaxe.com

Tea Party Ramblings

After American Idol last night, there was a knock on my door.  I wasn’t expecting company, so it was a little unsettling.  I peeked through the peephole and couldn’t believe my eyes.  I stood there, unable to move.  The knock came again, more impatiently this time, so I opened the door, my heart about to beat through my chest.

On my doorstep was Das Fuhrer himself, Adolph Hitler.  Well, his apparition, anyway.  He’s been dead for 65 years.

Unsure of the etiquette for meeting the most maniacal leader in history, I invited him in, and for an Austrian/German, his English was impeccable. After I prepared hot tea, he and I sat on the couch and exchanged pleasantries, but he quickly got down to brass tacks.

“I need someone to write my story,” he said.  “And Fox News wouldn’t return my calls.  You’ve been doing a great job on your blog recently, so I trust you to be honest and fair.”

I blushed.  Hitler’s a fan.

“I’m mad as hell over these recent comparisons between Barack Obama and myself,” he began.  “How dare they compare me, the most ultra-right-wing dictator in the history of the universe, with a mixed-breed moderate who compromises with his opposition.  It’s outrageous!”

I swear, a tear welled up in his left eye, however briefly.

“I give the world rockets, jets, and the interstate highway system, and I’m repaid with this slander.  When the Jews insult me, it’s understandable.  We had our differences.  But my own constituents?  How can they turn on me like this?”

I offered my condolences.

“And what the f**k happened to Quentin Tarantino?  Resevoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Death Proof, all brilliant.  What the f**k was he thinking with Inglourious Basterds?”

I must admit I had no answer.

“Anyway, you’ve been a gracious host, but my day pass is about to expire.  I must get back to hell.  Lucifer’s a real dick about punctuality.  And people thought I was a dictator?  The stories I could tell.”

With that, he excused himself, leaving me in stunned silence.

Education Ramblings

The following is a job posting for teachers of the future:

Position Details

Working Title: Instructor

Department: English/Spanglish

Pay Rate: $30,000-$36,000

Job Summary/Basic Function:

Full-Time, Non-Tenure Track with benefits.  Will serve as primary babysitter for apathetic college freshmen who would rather be playing Mafia Wars.  Each day will consist of conveying information to an audience of blank stares and drooling mouths.  Will be held accountable for the progress of each student regardless of their effort or attendance.  Will compete for their attention against You Tube, Facebook, MySpace, and porn.  Must overcome 13 years of substandard grade school education in 15 weeks.

Must work well with others and demonstrate teamwork on mandatory committee service.  Must listen to the pet peeves of burnt-out intellectuals who refuse to compromise on minuscule details of unnecessary documents meant to appease government bureaucrats.  Must continually pursue professional development to remain current in your field, even if the fundamentals of your field have not changed for 3,000 years.

Seeking a creative, innovative and energetic individual who can successfully use diverse strategies with students of varying abilities and backgrounds.

Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities:

Must have thorough knowledge of Word, Excel, PowerPoint, PhotoShop, DreamWeaver, All Adobe Applications, WebCT, and must remain current on all software advances.

Minimum Qualifications:

Master’s degree in English/Spanglish with emphasis in composition and rhetoric, plus $50,000-100,000 student loan debt.

Preferred Qualifications:

The ideal candidate will be single with no children of their own.  Also, they will have no expectation of a social life.  The ideal candidate also will have no capacity to think for themselves or question administrative decisions.  The ability to juggle chainsaws a definite plus.  Should also be able to project an air of authority without trampling tender emotions.

Work Hours:

15 hours per week in class. 15 hours per week in office.  10 hours per week for lesson planning.  20 hours per week for grading. 2-3 hours per week for committee responsibilities.  5-10 hours for professional development. 1-2 hours for community service.

Must be available to answer student emails 24/7.

Special Instructions to Applicants:

A partial lobotomy prior to hire is recommended.

Open Until Filled