Category Archives: New Ramblings

General Posts, Humor

Saturday Morning Ramblings

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After much debate and deliberation among the staff at Third Axe Media, I’ve decided to release a sample of chapter one as a tease for the upcoming launch.  While this section was originally written three and a half years ago, I feel like it’s indicative of the overall plot structure and writing style of the entire book.  As I’ve said before, I think think this is the best book of the series, so far.  So without further ado, here is the sample:

All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy. All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.   All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.

“All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.”

“All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.”

All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy. All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.   All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.  All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.

Just kidding.  Geez, can’t you take a joke?  That’s as close to an homage to Stephen King as I’ll ever get.

Humor

Corporate America Ramblings

 

American-Flag
I got a call from Billy Joe Oilmoney the other day, and he invited me to his office to share his newest bill that’s about to be submitted to the House. Since so much of the media has covered up with pressing news of Royal Weddings, celebrity haircuts, and middle-age indiscretions, he wanted me to share it with the world.

“It’s just great, really great,” Oilmoney said. “We’re changing the Pledge of Allegiance to more accurately reflect America.”

Intrigued, I pressed for details.

“Well, you know, the Pledge of Allegiance is a sacred vow that citizens take to defend their nation. The old Pledge just sounded too socialist and liberal to me, so I wanted to freshen it up so my Tea Party activists would feel more like it’s a reflection of the America they are forging.”

Opening a drawer, he pulled forth a legal pad and handed it to me. In my hands, I held the original draft of our new Pledge of Allegiance:

“I pledge allegiance to the logos
Of the Corporations of America
And to the CEO’s for which they stand
One nation, UNDER GOD,
With liberty and justice
For those who can afford it.
Amen, IN GOD WE TRUST”

“Ain’t it just great?” Oilmoney asked, beaming like a proud parent at a little league game.

And I must admit, it brought a tear to my eye.

Humor

Rapture Ramblings

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Contrary to popular belief, Harold Camping was correct.  The rapture did occur yesterday.  Unfortunately, however, none of us made the cut.  Since the liberal media won’t report on such things and Fox News is too busy trying to roll back human rights for the working class to pay attention to anything else, The Ramblings of D. A. Adams was granted an exclusive interview with the supreme being, the great spirit, aka God.  Shockingly, he does look a lot like George Burns.

“It’s simple really,” God began, flicking ashes from his cigar.  “You people are stupid.  I mean really, really stupid.  I’m not sure how much clearer I could be each time I’ve sent a messenger to tell you how you should live, but you just don’t get it.  All of nature seeks equilibrium, but you humans seek extremes.  Get it?”

Confused, I asked if anyone was close to ascending to heaven.

“Well, there was one old lady in Sydney who was a nail biter, but at the last minute she used my name in vain so I had to cross her off.  Sad really.”

Perplexed, I asked about my own status.

“You?” he asked, leaning back and laughing.  “Hey Peter, did you hear that?”

You haven’t really heard a hearty laugh until you’ve heard god laugh about the status of your soul.

“Um, look, I don’t to hurt your feelings, but keep working at it.  Maybe you’ll make the next one.”

Shocked, I asked how there could be another rapture.

“Oh, there’s one every decade.  So far, the only one to make it was Glenn Miller.  I hated to disappoint the troops that way, but you know, rules are rules.  Look, can we wrap this up?  I’ve got a brunch to attend with Mother Teresa, and she gets grouchy when I’m late.”

With so many more questions to ask the creator, I was frustrated by the sudden time constraint, so I asked the first question that came to mind: Was the Immaculate Reception a legal play by Franco Harris?

“Look, regardless of what the whining Raiders have to say, Tatum clearly touched that ball.  Those crybabies just have to get over it.”

With that, god vanished from the room, and I, a lifelong Steelers fan, felt vindicated.

Editor’s note: Any reference to the creator, real or imagined, is not sanctioned by the church and is, thus, heresy by the author.  May god have mercy on his soul.