Tag Archives: writing

General Posts

Here’s Some New Year-New You Stuff, Kind Of, Not Really

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This neurological disorder has really done a number on me. Over the last year or so, my fine motor skills and spatial coordination have eroded rapidly; I’ve experienced regular muscle spasms accompanied by a painful electric jolt; I’ve fallen at least four times, which is quite terrifying when it happens in the middle of the night all alone; phantom bugs have crawled up my arms and legs; my memory, concentration, and cognitive abilities have been foggy; my left arm has become almost completely numb; and I’ve had to reassess my threshold for pain. There have been moments when I believed myself a goner, if not fully at least functionally, and by far, the hardest part of all of it has been the diminished capacity to write. Even a short blog post like this one takes hours to compose because of all the breaks I have to take and the pitiful state of my typing. In short, the last 15-16 months have presented some interesting challenges.

But now, hopefully, the tide is about to turn.

The other day, an acquaintance directed me to research that sheds a little light on what could potentially be the cause of my illness. If you don’t have time to read that article, in a nutshell, excessive sodium intake, primarily from processed foods, can cause the body’s Th 17 cells, which are part of the immune system, to become overly aggressive and attack normal body tissues. While not definitive, the research lends itself to the idea that excessive sodium consumption can trigger an autoimmune disease like MS. I must admit to being guilty of relying too much on processed foods in my diet over the years, and when I really got to looking into it, I realized that my sodium intake has been much higher than I had thought. I never add salt to anything and barely cook with it, so I figured I was okay. However, once I looked closely, I had to admit to myself that I’ve consumed way beyond the recommended amount.

That same acquaintance also pointed me towards how a paleo diet has shown positive results at not just halting but reversing MS symptoms. He himself has seen a dramatic recovery in the 3-4 months he’s been following paleo. While the effects of the diet could just be related to the reduction of sodium, there seems to be more to it than that. I’ve already been gluten free for three years, and when I first cut it out, my symptoms all but disappeared, leading me to believe I had found the culprit. However, now that my symptoms have returned, it stands to reason that if gluten can be responsible for neurological degeneration, other foods could be as well.

Therefore, I have decided to make every effort to follow the paleo diet guidelines and remove restricted items from my intake. I plan to chronicle my results here to have a record of my experiences and responses to the change in nutrition. Hopefully, I will see the same improvements to my health that others have shown. Regardless, it feels nice to have a ray of hope after so many months of decline. If I can at least get back to the point of being able to write regularly and work outdoors even just a little, I will be content with the results. So here goes nothing as I start my journey to recovery.

General Posts

A Much Needed Rant

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For the last three plus years, I’ve lived every waking second in some degree of pain. Up until June of this year, I endured this pain and soldiered on because I held out some hope that maybe one day things would get better. Now, the pain gets so bad that sometimes I wonder if I can take it for much longer. Most nights, I awake from a dead sleep calling out in pain. My left hand is nearly useless from trembling, numbness, and constant twitching. I can barely walk because I literally cannot tell how high my feet are off the ground and because the muscle spasms make my legs hurt so badly that the very act of walking is painful. Now, any amount of physical exertion exhausts me within minutes.

I feel used up and discarded, and for the first time in my life, I regret moving back to East Tennessee to teach. This state does not value education or educators. It does not value literacy. I regret allowing some misguided ideology that I needed to come back here and teach because if not me then who would do it. I was a fool for not moving to New York or LA and writing for TV or the movies. I should have been selfish and gotten as far away from this backwards, pill-popping, illiterate state as I could. For the first time in my life, I’m truly ashamed to be from Tennessee. I’m ashamed of this place and the ignorance and corruption which govern it.

I’m angry and bitter, and I feel completely and utterly hopeless.

General Posts

Update on My Status

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I just want to thank everyone who has helped out with the GoFundMe that Dave Mattingly started to help me while I deal with this neurological issue. The outpouring of love and generosity has been quite touching.

I got turned down for TennCare, mostly because the state of Tennessee, in its partisan nonsense to go against the president on every possible issue regardless of what that does to its citizens, decided not to accept the Medicaid expansion money. But that’s a different post for a different day. The end result is that in this state there is no safety net for someone like me, so I’m left without a confirmed diagnosis and without medical treatment. Because of that, I’m trying a few different alternative treatments for relief of my symptoms such as acupuncture and herbal supplements. So far, the acupuncture seems to have reduced the spasms somewhat. It’s not much, but at least it is a start.

I’m still not fully comfortable asking for help like this, but my current situation truly feels desperate. I don’t have my medical review for Social Security disability until December, and then who knows how long it will be before a decision is reached? In my current state, I can barely walk and cannot exert myself for more than a few minutes before I am completely exhausted. I’m also in serious pain every waking moment, which gets old. There are so many things I still need to accomplish, but I’m not even up to mowing my yard right now.

If you are able to donate to the GoFundMe, it would help me get through the next couple of months. My place currently has virtually no heat. The only thing I have that still works is one small electric heater that sits by my bed. My preference is to install a wood stove to keep the electric bill down, but it takes money to get everything I need for it. The ceiling also needs a lot more insulation before it gets much colder. A couple of friends have agreed to help me with the labor since I can’t do it myself, but the materials are beyond anything I can afford in my current circumstances. Also, I need money to continue with the acupuncture and to see a nutritionist who may be able to ease off some of the symptoms.

I’ve accepted that I will not get to have my kids for our regular time this winter because of my health and financial conditions, and everyone who knows me knows how much that hurts, but that’s my reality. For now, my goal is to focus on treating these symptoms until I feel well enough to work, and then getting back on my feet so I can see them either late spring or summer. No matter what, I will not give up fighting to get better because I still have too much to accomplish, like being an involved father until they are much older. If you are able to contribute, please help me through this difficult time.

http://www.gofundme.com/brotherhood