Tag Archives: spirituality

General Posts

Wednesday Afternoon Ramblings

4 Comments

I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I feel like a kid most of the time.  When I’m standing in front of a class full of students, I often think, “What in the world makes me think I’ve got the right to pretend like I’m an expert in anything?”  In social circles, even if I’m not the youngest, I often feel like I’m the least in seniority of anyone there, and when around my peers, I rarely feel as if my maturity level is as well-developed as theirs.

On the plus side, I still have childlike wonder about things that I enjoy. Because I often feel young, I rarely feel old, which I’m certain is a good thing.  Despite the aches and pains in my physical self, my spirit is still vibrant and positive, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

On the down side, I often defer to others because I so often feel as if their maturity and judgment must be better than mine.  Despite having experienced and overcome a lot of obstacles in my life, I still don’t feel as if I’ve earned the right to consider myself wise.  I often wonder if I’ll ever feel like an adult, if there will ever come a day when I look at myself and see a grown man instead of a kid.  Does anyone else feel this way?  If so, please leave a comment and share your experience with this feeling.

General Posts

Sunday Afternoon Ramblings

2 Comments

Here’s a quick update on the farm:  The irrigation system has been completed for the prototype, and it works perfectly.  There are still a couple of parts to add in, like the timer and the water sensor, but the basics are in place.  It’s simple and efficient and should be easy to replicate, which is extremely important because I’m gonna have to build dozens more over the next few years.

Next up is the lighting system, which by far will be the most expensive part, but it’s also the most important.  I’ve decided on the Quantum T5 Badboy as my system because of the performance and the efficiency, but each one is pretty expensive, so it will take some time to get the lighting completed.

So far, I’m pleased with the prototype.  The basic components are simple, and it functions very well.  There’s still a long way to go and a lot to learn, but it’s coming together.  I’m also proud of myself because this has been a big challenge, and so far I’ve been up to each step.  That feels good.  After the last few years, it’s nice to have a little positive momentum.

General Posts

Friday Afternoon Ramblings

1 Comment

The idea was born nine years ago.  For an entire year, I ruminated over it, contemplating characters, developing the landscape, outlining the plot structure, but I didn’t pursue writing the manuscript.  I was too scared.  Graduate school had deflated me and nearly crushed my creative spirit, so I just let it live in my head, content to have it as my hobby.  Then, I saw my firstborn son’s heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time, and a part of me woke up that I never knew existed.  This new man inside of me knocked aside fear, stood up to the graduate school bullies, and spoke from the very core of my being: You are a writer. Go write.

I listened to this new part of me and started The Brotherhood of Dwarves.  From the outset, I knew the story from beginning to end, not every detail, of course, more like the frame of a building before the bricks and drywall and trim, and I knew there would be at least five books.  Despite having not written in three years, I regained my discipline and wrote five and six days a week, hitting my page goal every day.  The more I wrote, the better it felt and the stronger my voice became.  I make no apologies for the first couple of chapters and cannot bring myself to give them a complete rewrite because of what they represent to me, my rebirth as a man and a writer.

I may never find real commercial success as a novelist.  I’ve accepted that fact.  While money would be nice and definitely wouldn’t be turned away, it’s not why I started writing in the first place.  I write because it’s who I am, who I’ve always been.  I chose to self-publish because I wanted people to read my work–I needed an audience to complete the story–and at that moment in history, the publishing industry was in a terrible state.  Since the economic downturn, it’s now a little worse.  I am proud of my decision and the risks I took.  Sure, I wish I had done things differently, and I’ve learned a tremendous amount in the last six years.  If I had it to do over again, I would in a heartbeat.

This morning on my way to work, I was overwhelmed with the need to complete this series.  The sensation filled me up and gave me a feeling that I can best describe as a bit of mania.  I saw the last two books before me, their plots stretching out to the end of the series, and excitement overtook me.  I’m a writer, and writers write, so as soon as book three is polished and ready to go, I will find a way to start on book four.  Even if there is never any economic success from this series, I will write it and bring it to market because that is who I am.  I’m a writer.