Tag Archives: ramblings

Wednesday Afternoon Ramblings

Not three months ago, I could barely climb a flight of stairs without feeling like I was going to fall.  My left hand was nearly unusable from the trembling and twitching, and by noon each day I felt so exhausted from having to concentrate on mundane tasks that I could barely get through the rest of the day.  Three months ago, I literally thought I was losing the ability to function and possibly even dying.  It was a terrifying experience.  Those who really know me know I’ve never been a hypochondriac, and many of my students and colleagues verbalized how haggard I looked.  Some expressed outright concern for my life.  Just three short months ago.

Nine months ago, I could work from early morning until late evening, doing hard physical labor, but then still have the energy to write.  Sometime around mid-July, I started noticing that my left hand was bothering me, and by mid-September, I had all of the symptoms listed above.  Nine months ago, I felt healthier than I had since I was a teenager, and within a couple of months could barely function.  It was a wild roller coaster ride, believe me.

Monday, I sat looking at the nearly full acre of land I had cleared over the previous four days.  Using both hands fairly well, I handled a chainsaw, loppers, and a walk-behind brush cutter.  I carried logs that easily weighed fifty pounds each across the acre to the burn pile without losing my balance.  In three short months, I went from barely able to climb stairs comfortably to able to traverse uneven ground with a heavy load.  If that’s not an amazing recovery, I don’t know what is.  While I don’t quite feel 100% normal, I would now put myself somewhere around 80-85%.  I can function relatively normally without having to concentrate so much on handwriting or typing.  My minds feels less sluggish.  My legs no longer feel welded to the ground.  And I feel like I’m living again, not dying.

The only major difference in my daily life over the last two to three years has been the consumption of gluten.  For many years, I had practically eliminated it from my diet.  Then, slowly, I started reintroducing it, thinking I was making healthy choices by eating whole wheat breads and multi-grain pastas, but probably the single biggest source of gluten for me was beginning to drink beer again.  I love to have a cold beer or two after a hard day.  I almost never drink until I’m drunk, but I do enjoy the flavor of a good beer.  For the first 30 years of my life, I consumed gluten with nearly every meal and became very unhealthy.  For 6-7 years, I all but eliminated it from my life and became very healthy and energetic.  Then, I added it back in and within a year became so sick I thought I was dying.  Now, a mere three months after eliminating it from my diet completely, I’m on my way back to health.  I don’t need much more proof than that.

My point of all of this is that if you are experiencing unexplained health problems and your doctors can’t seem to find an answer, please find a specialist who really understands gluten sensitivity.  I am walking, living proof of the perils it can pose to one’s health.  Living without gluten is not nearly as hard as you might think, and the positive benefits far outweigh the small sacrifices in comfort foods.  Even if your regular doctor scoffs at gluten or Celiac and tells you it couldn’t possibly be that, please find a specialist and get a second opinion.  It quite literally could be the difference between living an active, healthy full life or feeling your life drain away from you.

http://www.celiac.org/

Rush Limbaugh Ramblings


Warning: potentially offensive material ahead.

BREAKING NEWS:  In a press conference from his corporate headquarters in Toledo, Ohio this morning, Satan announced that he has completed construction on his “special place” in hell for the king of shock-jocks, Rush Limbaugh.  Though vague on all the details, the devil did describe that Limbaugh will be required to wait tables for an exclusive clientele of well-educated, African-American women, will be denied access to all forms of pain medication, and will have to listen to a non-stop loop of Yanni’s Greatest Hits.  Satan assured the liberal media in attendance that Limbaugh’s hearing will be restored to full health upon his arrival in the underworld.

“We all know there have been worse people in the history of humanity,” the Prince of Darkness stated.  “Hitler comes to mind, as does Pol Pot, but from his overt racism, misogyny, homophobia, and megalomania, Limbaugh has earned this little corner of hell.”

After the press conference, the devil fielded questions from the biased journalists on hand, most of whom pleaded for more details about Limbaugh’s pending punishments.

“Look, I can’t give away too many of the family secrets,” Satan responded.  “We’ve been in the business of torturing twisted souls for thousands of years, but recently, there’s been an upswing in competition from international conglomerates.  I have to protect my proprietary property or risk falling behind in this increasingly crowded field.  But I can assure you, Rush will spend all of eternity with smoldering cigars wedged between the fatty folds of his ass cheeks.  That’s as much detail as I’m going to give, so don’t ask again.”

After the press conference, I scurried to South Carolina to get the reaction of Joseph Cartwright III, himself a long-time conservative talk radio host and blogger.

“Well, you know, when the advertising dollars start to dry up, you’re done in this business,” Cartwright said.  “I guess Rush will have to pay for no longer making lots of people lots of money.”

Confused and bewildered, I stared blankly.

“It’s simple, really,” he continued, noticing my expression.  “As long as hate speech is profitable, the powers that be turn a blind eye, but as soon as the money stops rolling in, everyone turns on you.  It’s a tough business, spreading hate and backwards thinking, but there is a lot of money to be made in stirring up the worst of people’s emotions.  Now that Rush is declining, I’m hoping for national syndication.”

Uncertain if Cartwright was onto something or completely insane, I headed to Mississippi to speak with Konrad K. Kristian, business leader and Tea Party activist.  If anyone understood Rush Limbaugh, it would be him.

“I just don’t know what to make of this here world,” Kristian said, tears in his eyes.  “Jesus was quite clear that we need to hate fags and coloreds, but now Rush is gonna be punished for following the Scriptures.  I just don’t understand.”

Touched by his display of compassion for a man doomed to an eternity of Yanni, I asked if he needed a moment.

“No, I’ll pray about this tonight, and I’m certain tomorrow we’ll find out this was all just a hoax by them liberal media bastards.  They’re out to get all us who follow the Word of hating them that ain’t right, and I know the good Lord will clear this right up.”

Editor’s Note:  Any reference to Satan, the devil, the Prince of Darkness, and hell was approved by Eternal Damnation, Inc. of Toledo, Ohio.  No part of this article may be reprinted or reproduced whatsoever without a blood-signed, notarized release from EDI and an official sacrifice of a virgin goat under a waning crescent moon.

Saturday Morning Ramblings


I was 23 when my ex-wife and I first started dating.  In many ways, I was just a dumb kid, full of dreams and ambitions, but truly clueless about how the world really functions.  I believed in my abilities as a writer and even had a handful of publishing credits under my belt, but in terms of building a career, I had no idea what I was doing.  I decided to go to graduate school for an MFA in Creative Writing because I thought that degree would afford me the opportunity to write full-time and teach for a little while until I began making a fortune from my books.

She and I married my fourth semester of the six semester program, and I was utterly miserable in graduate school.  All of my passion and love for writing was crushed by the petty workshops and backbiting students and the un-inspirational core faculty.  To this day, I will not join a formal writers’ group for those reasons.  Shortly after she and I married, we found out she was pregnant, and without any real support system in Memphis, I chose to get my Master’s in Creative Writing (which is considered a lesser degree but still allows one to teach on the collegiate level) to find work and be able to provide for my new family.  I also made the decision to move us back to East Tennessee to have our families near us  for support.

Shortly after the move, she had a miscarriage and for the most part blamed me because of the long ride in the bumpy truck.  The first year of our marriage was almost as bad as the last two.  I worked several crappy jobs while looking for teaching work and struggled just to keep a roof over our heads.  By this point, at 26, I had given up on writing.  The experience of graduate school had been too much, so when I first landed a teaching position, I resigned myself to being a full-time teacher.  At least, I rationalized, I could share my love of language with others.

The school where I held my first full-time assignment treated its faculty like second-class citizens and worked us beyond anything reasonable.  For over 8 years, I gave those bastards my absolute best, and in return, I got a paltry salary, a mountain of attitude, and zero respect.  Not from all, there were some people there who were wonderful colleagues, but the bad far outweighed the good.  In 2003, about halfway though my career at that school, I experienced a rebirth of sorts when my first son was conceived and, despite working full-time at the college and part-time on the weekends, poured myself into crafting The Brotherhood of Dwarves.  I truly believed writing would be my ticket out of education and the way to provide a better life for my son.

Other than the birth of my second son, 2006 was a rough year for me.  My marriage was unraveling in front of my eyes, and my relationship with the college had soured to the point that I would no longer attend meetings to avoid the negative bullshit.  I felt besieged at home and work and felt trapped in a life that was draining me of all hope.  To make matters worse, Brotherhood had been a resounding flop in terms of sales, and I had no way to release book two, Red Sky at Dawn.  The only positives in my life were my two sons.  Being their daddy made everything bearable.

When I look back at that time of my life, I feel like my youth was drained from me by a woman who didn’t believe in me and a college that never appreciated me.  Today, that’s why I’m so steadfast in my mentality that no one will ever mistreat me again.  I’ve paid my dues and, since the divorce in 2008, learned to live without my children on a daily basis.  I cannot and will not accept anything other than respect and fairness.  Without those two as a foundation, nothing can be healthy or positive, and I’ve already lost too much of my life to draining experiences.  Now, I will not settle for anything less than an equal balance of give and take.  Slowly but surely, I’m inching towards the man I want to be, and one day, I will get there.