Tag Archives: inspiration

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

July 13, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

I’m almost finished with chapter 13 of book three, which means only one more to go. Once I’m through with 13, the final one will be much easier to write because it’s not so intense. Last night, the enormity of finally finishing this book hit me and nearly overwhelmed me. I was truly a different person when I began writing the first chapter. My life revolved around being a father and provider. Today, while being a father is still my focal point, the reality is that I live alone, and the intense roller-coaster ride of these last three years has forever changed the person I am.

In some ways, those changes are for the better. I now see that a person cannot change no matter how much they hope for it; some wounds are too deep to heal. I also understand more clearly that love and compatibility are too different things, and love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. From the separation from my kids, I have learned just how much inner strength I have. Unless you have endured that pain, you cannot understand it, and while there have been times that I’ve wanted to lay down and quit, my inner resolve has not allowed me to. That’s good to know about myself.

Not all of the changes are for the better. I am a somewhat colder person than before. My trust is damaged. I have less patience for people’s bullshit. I am much more angry and bitter.

When I look back at who I was 32 months ago when I started this book, the distance feels enormous, but here I am writing the climactic scene exactly as I envisioned it. I can’t believe the fruit didn’t rot on the vine. When I do finally finish the rough draft of this manuscript, I will celebrate, and then I will go get my kids and play with them for a couple of weeks. No matter what else, I am a blessed man.

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Saturday Morning Ramblings

July 3, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

Slowly but surely, the land is transforming from an overgrown tangle of honeysuckle and thistles to a usable piece of property. I’m keeping as many trees as I can for the shade and the CO2 factor, but the honeysuckle I will try to get under control over the next couple of years.

I have a lot of plans for the property, and so far, my dad is on board with the things I want to do. For starters, the building where my parents had their ceramic business will be gutted, cleaned up, and converted into an indoor, hydroponic growing facility for organic vegetables. The building has sat dormant for probably twelve years because when my mom’s health gave out on her, they had to shut down the ceramic shop, so cleaning it up and getting it usable will take some time. I would like to try to get far enough along to buy one unit and do a test crop of tomatoes over the winter. If that goes well, then we’ll expand as we can until the building is to capacity. We’ve also talked about a few other crops on different parts of the land, but we haven’t decided on those yet.

Another aspect of my plan involves installing solar panels on the roof of the building to produce energy. Eventually, I would like to make the farm self-sufficient, but that will take time. For now, I just want to capitalize on the southern facing rooftop that gets about four to five hours of direct sunlight every day. Thinking long-term, the investment now could really pay dividends down the road as energy costs continue to climb. One cool thing I learned is that Sharp has a facility here in Tennessee that produces solar panels, so we’ll more than likely go with them.

I’m sure some of you are shocked to learn that I’m starting up a farm because all you’ve known of me is the English teacher and the writer, but I’ve always had a yearning to do this. Growing things is stamped on my DNA. My mom could grow rice in the desert, and up until my dad, who grew up in that period when America was transforming from an agricultural to an industrial nation, my family has farmed for generations. I fully expect to continue teaching and writing for several years, but I need to supplement my income with something that is long-term and sustainable. I’ve been mulling this over for several years, and I’ve finally decided that it is the most feasible course I can take.

That’s all for now. Time to get back outside.

www.thirdaxe.com

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Late Night Ramblings

July 2, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

I’ve written on here a few times about the turmoils I’ve been through, and I’ve tried to remain open and honest about my feelings. Life has dealt me a few serious blows, and a couple of times, I’ve thought that I was down for the count. I’m not ashamed of my status, despite being fairly poor and barely scraping by. I work hard, my child support is paid in full every month, and my sons have insurance. And if I have to do without a few creature comforts to continue to be a decent father, that’s fine by me.

I’ve made some terrible choices with women. I don’t know if I’m just attracted to the wrong ones or if the wrong ones are attracted to me or if I’m just meant to live alone, but I do know for a fact that I need to break the cycle of allowing myself to get involved with women who want to play games behind my back, reward my loyalty with betrayal, and dismiss my love like yesterday’s trash. I’m too decent of a person to continue to allow myself to be treated in those ways, and even if I have to live alone for the rest of my days, I will not settle for anything less than a positive, healthy relationship if I ever do get involved with someone again. And I have the internal strength to live alone as a self-sufficient individual.

For the first time in two and a half years, I feel like I’m almost to my feet emotionally. The women who have betrayed and wounded me the worst will never again control my life. They had an opportunity to nurture my love and grow old with it for shelter and protection, but instead, they chose to turn on me and betray it. In the long run, that’s their loss, not mine, and even if I remain alone, I am better off without their negative anchors weighing me down. And when I lay my head on the pillow at night, my conscience is clear enough that I don’t have much trouble falling asleep.

My books may never be successful, but I do not regret the risks I took to get them on the market. I would take that chance again every single time. While I may not have succeeded, it wasn’t from lack of effort. I have no regrets and will carry my head high even if I never sell another copy because I had the discipline to complete them, the courage to put them out there, and the guts to pursue it will everything I had. I didn’t stand on the sidelines hoping for something to happen. I put my ass in the fire and tried to make something come to life.

And I’ll take a hundred million failures over a lifetime of passivity.