Tag Archives: health

Tuesday Morning Ramblings – Thankful #2

I’m thankful for my sobriety.  There was a stretch of my life when drugs and alcohol controlled me, and if not for the touch of grace, I would not be here typing this entry.  That may sound hokey to some, but for me it’s very real.  Maintaining sobriety is a challenge, especially when stress and pressure get very high, yet I’m grateful for the strength to control that demon.

There was a seven or eight month period right after my divorce when I lost control and allowed myself to be weak.  I drank heavily and often during that time, and I’m ashamed of that weakness.  However, I was able to recognize that I was descending back into a place where I didn’t want to be, and I retook control of myself.  I’m a much happier person sober than I’ve ever been drunk and high.

I hope this post doesn’t come across as preachy or judgmental because that is not the intent.  I don’t judge other people for what they do, and I myself enjoy drinking a cold beer at the end of a long week.  I simply no longer drink cold beers until I am hammered.  For me, at this point of my life, I am thankful for the strength to maintain my sobriety from one day to the next.

Thursday Morning Ramblings

I am who I am.  I can’t pretend to be anything or anyone else.  My friends are the people who accept me and embrace me as is.  They are the ones who deserve my attention.  The people who think there is something odd about me or who find my quirkiness bothersome aren’t worth my time and energy.  They are the ones missing out because I’m a pretty decent person.  I’m far from perfect and have never once claimed to be without faults, but I am certain my good points far outweigh the bad.

For one, I’m kind.  I make every attempt to treat people with respect and dignity, even some who don’t deserve it.  I try never to say mean-spirited or hurtful things to or about people.  That’s not to say I’ve never hurt anybody’s feelings; I just don’t do it purposefully.  The older I get the more I realize that kindness is a rare commodity in this world.  Many, many people are just plain mean.  Others are just inconsiderate.  Those of us who make a conscious effort to treat others kindly are few and far between, and often that kindness is mistaken for weakness, but I am far from weak.

I’ve been through some difficult trials the last three years, some very long, very bleak stretches of time where I thought my entire world was imploding.  I have seen other people collapse from the same pressures, but I have managed to keep myself somewhat sane and mostly productive.  In the last three years, I’ve gotten my second book into print and completed the rough draft of the third.  I’ve traveled the Southeast to promote at various conventions and festivals.  I’ve worked hard for the college and my students, and I’ve begun development of the farm.  To accomplish these things, I had to dig deep inside myself and find strength I didn’t even know I had.  If you misinterpret my kindness for weakness, you are sadly mistaken.

I’m also funny.  Yes, my sense of humor is a bit odd, and I find humor in moments and events that others don’t, but I’ve learned about myself over the years that I can make most people laugh most of the time.  This is a good skill to have, and it has served me well in every facet of my life.

I’m a 37 year old divorced man who is a little overweight, underpaid in his career, and not yet discovered as a novelist.  I may never find that success, either.  I have a temper, can be a slob, and am way way way too sensitive.  I’m goofy, awkward, sometimes inept, and often out of step.  I have plenty more faults I could divulge, but I’ll save those for another day.  Despite my many blemishes, I’m still a pretty good person, and the people who see me and accept me for who I am are the only ones whose opinions I give a damn about.

www.thirdaxe.com

Tuesday Afternoon Ramblings

Here’s an update on the farm.  I’m researching and learning about aeroponics and will begin construction on my first prototype of an aeroponic unit this weekend.  It’s gonna be a lot of work, a lot of trial and error, and a lot of learning, but it will also be an amazing opportunity to move forward on the farm.  Pre-constructed units cost thousands of dollars, and we simply don’t have that kind of money starting out.  Therefore, I get to relive the Erector Set days of my childhood and build my own concoction.

I’m not sure I can put into words how excited I am about rolling up my sleeves and building something.  Once upon a time, I thought I was going to be a design engineer, and I spent many years in drafting and industrial arts to learn the basics.  Then, I realized that my math skills were not strong enough to be an engineer, and I gravitated to writing as an outlet for my creative drive.  When I started clearing the land last spring, I reconnected with that part of myself, and now I’m chomping at the bit, so to speak, to get on this project.  I’ll probably even stop at Home Depot on the way home to window shop.

On a more specific note, we’re setting ourselves a tangible goal of nineteen months for having the farm fully operational.  It will take a tremendous amount of work to get there, but I’m so desperate for a change in my career that I’m willing to put in the time to make it happen.  Nineteen months means three more full semesters and one more summer session of teaching.  Then, hopefully, I can retire from education and focus on the farm and my books.  When that day arrives, I will be one of the happiest people on the planet, in addition to already being the luckiest.

One day next week, I’ll post an update on how the prototype is coming.  That’s all for now.

www.thirdaxe.com