Recently, thanks in part to the new mind control crystals the evil socialist Obama placed in all GM vehicles after the government took over the automotive sector, I got to see the thoughts of a focus group of Tea Party activists as they listened to a speech by Sarah Palin. The group consisted of a soccer mom, a heavy equipment operator, a college student/member of the Young Republicans, and the pastor of White Haven Missionary Baptist Church. The following is a transcript of each member’s thoughts as they listened to a speech by former Governor Palin:
Palin: “Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant — they’re quite clear — that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments.”
Soccer Mom: “She’s so pretty. I really relate to her. I worry about my daughter getting knocked up, too.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “I wonder if I vote for her if she’ll let me rub her titties.”
College Student: “I’m so hungover. I need a beer.”
Pastor: “She might be a woman, but at least she’s white.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “I wonder if I vote for her if she’ll let me rub her titties.”
College Student: “I’m so hungover. I need a beer.”
Pastor: “She might be a woman, but at least she’s white.”
Palin: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.”
Soccer Mom: “If I vote for her, maybe she’ll let me go shopping with her.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “She said the word school, so she must be for education.”
College Student: “What’s an Afghanistan?”
Pastor: “My grandmother used to knit Afghans.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “She said the word school, so she must be for education.”
College Student: “What’s an Afghanistan?”
Pastor: “My grandmother used to knit Afghans.”
Palin: “But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.”
Soccer Mom: “That Korean couple on Lost was so cute.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “I’d like to see her do a lesbo act with a Korean chick.”
College Student: “If I vote for her, I wonder if she’ll let me rub her titties?”
Pastor: “I need a shot of whiskey.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “I’d like to see her do a lesbo act with a Korean chick.”
College Student: “If I vote for her, I wonder if she’ll let me rub her titties?”
Pastor: “I need a shot of whiskey.”
Palin: “I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree.”
Soccer Mom: “She has a college degree. She must be so smart.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “What the hell kind of grammar was that?”
College Student: “I should try to bang that communications major in my Psych class.”
Pastor: “Hmmm, an educated woman? Well, at least she’s white.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “What the hell kind of grammar was that?”
College Student: “I should try to bang that communications major in my Psych class.”
Pastor: “Hmmm, an educated woman? Well, at least she’s white.”
Palin: “As we work and sightsee on America’s largest island, we’ll get to view more majestic bears, so now is a good time to draw attention to the political equivalent of the species.”
Soccer Mom: “She said bears. She must be an animal lover, too!”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “I’d like to see her do a lesbo act with a Korean chick on a bearskin rug.”
College Student: “I’m gonna get hammered tonight.”
Pastor: “If I vote for her, maybe I’ll get to rub her titties.”
Heavy Equipment Operator: “I’d like to see her do a lesbo act with a Korean chick on a bearskin rug.”
College Student: “I’m gonna get hammered tonight.”
Pastor: “If I vote for her, maybe I’ll get to rub her titties.”
Former Governor Palin closed her speech with her trademark, “Don’t retreat; Reload!” The mind control crystals were overwhelmed by the rush of brain waves put forth by the focus group, so we’ll never know what those thoughts were, but I left the event convinced that Sarah Palin and the general public represent all for which America now stands.
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