Tag Archives: entertainment

You Can’t Make Crap Like This Up Ramblings

No one could’ve predicted this would end badly, a convicted felon with a penchant for guns and predatory wildlife.  I mean, how could anyone foresee a bad end to such a stable environment?  For answers to this tragic enigma wrapped in a blanket of conundrums, I rushed to Washington to speak with my old friend, Billy Joe Oilmoney, himself an avid gun collector and hunter.

“Well, it sure is a mystery,” he said, scratching his head.  “No one could’ve predicted such a tragedy.  This here is a perfect example of why we don’t need regulations of any kind.  If a law-abiding gun owner can’t set loose his collection of lions and bears on unsuspecting neighbors without being criticized for it, that ain’t the kind of America I want to live in.”

I politely reminded Senator Oilmoney that the owner was a convicted felon.

“That’s exactly what I mean.  If we didn’t have regulations, he would’ve been a law-abiding citizen.  Are you slow or something?”

Thankful to have that cleared up, I headed down to South Carolina to speak with Joseph Cartwright III, talk radio host, blogger, and Tea Party Activist.

“Truly, no one could’ve foreseen such a terrifying end to this man’s life.  It’s clear President Obama ordered the CIA to frame this man in an attempt to further a socialist agenda of stripping all Americans of their guns.  I’m sure the PETA tree-huggers will be all over this, too.  Now, we’re gonna have to deal with a new rash of regulations ordering us not to keep exotic predators in our basements.  Well, if I can’t raise Grizzly bears on my farm, I’m not sure I want to live in his nation anymore.”

Next, I headed out to California to interview Dr. Jen Touchyfeely, Professor of Emotional Studies and faculty sponsor of her university’s PETA chapter.  I like to keep things fair and balanced, you know.

“No one could’ve predicted such a horrendous end to this.  It’s just awful how those evil police officers gunned down those innocent animals,” she said, sobbing uncontrollably.  “They could’ve let them live free out there in the wild.”

When I asked about the dangers of letting wild predators roam freely near residential areas, she became incensed.

“We all know the Midwest is just fly-over country.  People don’t actually live there!”

Finally, to get the pulse of how this shocking mystery was affecting the common man, I hurried to Arkansas to chat with my old pal Cletus McOnetooth.

“I reckon it’s is the first I heard of this.  Real live lions and such?  Really?  This ain’t another one them ‘Diny-sores Live’ that turns out to be nothing more than mechanical puppets, is it?”

I assured him the lions were all too real.

“Hot damn!” he shouted, grabbing for his coat and calling to his wife.  “Sugar, gas up the truck and grab my shotgun.  We’re eating lion tonight!”

Thursday Morning Ramblings

I only speak for myself and don’t purport to know the motivations and aspirations of the protesters at Wall Street, but if I were among their ranks, the following would be my clearly stated goals of the protest:

I want to live in a nation that respects and rewards a person’s contribution to society fairly and justly.  I would like to earn enough money to pay off my student loan debt, save for retirement, have access to adequate healthcare, and send my children to college, not feel at the end of the month as if I have to choose between food and gas.  I would like to know that my contribution as a professional educator is respected and appreciated, not just by my students and colleagues, but by society as a whole.

I want to live in a nation that holds corporations and CEO’s accountable for moving jobs overseas and hiding billions in profits offshore to avoid paying taxes.  I’d like to see CEO’s punished for bankrupting companies, not compensated with multi-million dollar severance packages.  I want companies to be held accountable if they poison our water supply, make our air unbreathable, taint our children’s toys with lead paint, contaminate our food supply with lethal bacteria, or in any other way recklessly endanger our lives in the name of profit.

I want to live in a nation that once again embraces innovation and ingenuity and doesn’t allow other countries to outpace us in technological advancement.

I want to live in a nation that respects all people who are willing to work full-time, regardless of occupation.  There is dignity and honor in contributing to society, whether that be as white collar, blue collar, or red collar.  All jobs are important, and anyone who is willing to work and be productive should be viewed, not with cynicism and disdain, but with appreciation and admiration.

I want to live in a nation that embraces diversity and respects everyone’s rights to freedom.  Liberty is our birthright, guaranteed by our Constitution, and these freedoms are granted to all citizens of this country regardless of sex, race, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or any other artificial stratification created to keep us divided and bickering.  We are all American citizens, born with certain unalienable rights.

I want to live in a nation that celebrates and aspires to greatness, not promotes and rewards mediocrity.  Not so long ago, our music, our movies, our books were the best in the world.  Today, we create paper-thin melodies with no soul, recycle worn-out franchises, and cheer poorly written, cliche-riddled narratives.  We have half-baked reality shows rewarding talent-less jackasses and washed up celebrities.  We promote buffoonery and incivility, while creative geniuses play street corners for handouts.

I want to live in the America I was promised as a child, a land of freedom and opportunity, a place where if you built a better mouse-trap, the world would beat a path to your door.  Today, if you build a better mouse-trap, Corporate America and government bureaucracy will trample your aspirations with a myriad of confusing regulations and a maze of overbearing documentation, stifling your innovation in name of preserving the status quo.

Those would be my goals for the protests.

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

I’m so excited about the launch/re-launch of my series.  Bonnie, the artist working on the covers and interior sketches, is absolutely fabulous and has created some magnificent work for book three.  I can’t wait to see what she develops for the first two books.  Having action-oriented covers and a handful of sketches was my original vision for the books, but I simply didn’t have the money to pay a professional for it.  Now, I feel like there is an excellent visual representation of the prose that can draw in a wider audience base.

I’m hopeful that the writing itself will live up to the quality of the cover.  Personally, I feel pretty good about it, but I’ve never been the best judge of my own writing.  As the pivotal piece in the series, book three needs to be strong, and while I think it lives up to my ambition, there’s still lingering doubt in the back of my mind that I could’ve done a better job here and there of building tension and creating more drama.  I’m my own worst critic and need to learn to wait on reader feedback before I start critiquing myself.  Readers will tell me if I did a good job, and I need to be patient.

It will be pretty cool to see the first three books launched for the holiday season.  While I’m nervous about being scrutinized by critics, I’m also hopeful to reach a much larger audience.  The covers will get attention, and Seventh Star will get the word out to so many more people than I ever could alone.  It’s an exciting time, and I’m grateful for the opportunities before me.  Hopefully, I can get a few interviews lined up to help with the promotional efforts, and I’m going to try my very best to attend more conventions, even if just on Saturdays, to help Seventh Star market and promote.

Just a reminder, the current editions of books one and two will cease production within the next couple of weeks, so if you want to have copies of those, you have a very limited window to get them.  Once the printer halts production, those versions will be pretty rare.