General Posts, Ramblings of Thanks

Wednesday Morning Ramblings – Thankful #3

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I’m thankful to live in a country where our transfer of power is bloodless and still somewhat civilized.  Yesterday, many of us undertook our civic duty to elect our representatives to Washington, and while some of us are disappointed by the direction, it occurred legally and for the most part without fraud.  Today, there aren’t tanks patrolling the streets to keep us indoors, and there aren’t armed mobs roaming the streets destroying property and burning down cities.  We voted, those votes were tallied, and the losers step to the side peacefully.  They may begin planning strategies for the next election cycle, but they do so without an armed insurrection.

That’s what makes this country so strong and so amazing.  If you don’t like the results of this election, work harder to win the next one.  If the people you voted for this time around don’t live up to your expectations, replace them in two, four, or six years.  I’m thankful to live in a country and within a system that allows us the freedom to choose our government officials, and if you don’t like the people who are running for office you have the opportunity to either run yourself or find someone you do like.  Our system is the model for how a Democratic-Republic should be structured, and I’m thankful for the thoughtfulness of people like Jefferson, Hamilton, Adams, and the many others who worked through their differences to develop a framework for government that has survived well over 200 years.

I am thankful to be an American.

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Tolerance Ramblings

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After Pastor Jim Swilley came out of the closet in front of his congregation in Georgia, I received a phone call from Hal Golightly, a fashion designer in New York City and a regular on Bravo’s “Real Gay Fashion Designers Catfights.”  It seems that Pastor Swilley has inspired Hal to come forward with a confession of his own.  Since the Jew-run, liberal media won’t cover these kinds of stories, I agreed to meet him at an undisclosed location for a covert interview.

“The truth is” Hal began, his real dialect nothing like his on-screen persona. “I’m not really gay.  I just pretend to be gay to fit in with the fashion industry.”

Shocked at such a bold admission, I sat silently, unsure of my next question.

“I’m tired of living a lie.  People expect fashion designers to be gay and act like drama queens and watch Sex and the City reruns, but I’m straight.”  Tears began streaming down his face, and he looked as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  “My real name is Billy Joe McOnetooth, and I’m first cousins with Cletus.  That’s why I came to you.  I want people to know that fashion designers and choreographers and professional soccer players don’t have to be gay.  Straight men can perform in these jobs just as well as gay men.  In fact, some of the best in each profession are secretly heterosexual.”

Shocked and dismayed by this outlandish claim, I asked him to give specific examples, but he politely refused, except for Richard Simmons.  He was adamant that Simmons is secretly a heterosexual man with a fetish for Japanese women.  We concluded our interview, and I set out for Ellis Chapel, Arkansas to meet with Cletus and discuss his cousin’s situation.

“You mean to tell me that Billy Joe ain’t a queer folk?” Cletus said, scratching his head.

I explained as well as I could that it was all an act to fit in at soirees and on TV.

“Well, what about the time me and him was down by the creek experimenting with our sexuality?  Don’t that count for queeredness?”

“I was never down by any creek with my cousin, Cletus,”  Hal responded via voicemail.  “He’s mixed me up with someone else.”

“That weren’t Billy Joe I was having anal sex with?  Well, then, who the hell was it?” Cletus asked, a fearful expression on his brow.  “I mean having sex with your gay cousin is one thing, but a stranger?  Folks around here don’t cotton with that.  Looky here, I gotta get down to the Tea Party meeting.  We gotta help them big corporations get back to wiping out the middle class so that my children and grand-children can be safe from them socialists.  I don’t have time to sit around here talking about them queer folks.”

With that, Cletus ran out of the room, leaving me to ponder whether or not Richard Simmons really leads a double life.

This blog is dedicated to the GOP, the TEA Party, and other homophobes everywhere.

General Posts, Ramblings of Thanks

Tuesday Morning Ramblings – Thankful #2

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I’m thankful for my sobriety.  There was a stretch of my life when drugs and alcohol controlled me, and if not for the touch of grace, I would not be here typing this entry.  That may sound hokey to some, but for me it’s very real.  Maintaining sobriety is a challenge, especially when stress and pressure get very high, yet I’m grateful for the strength to control that demon.

There was a seven or eight month period right after my divorce when I lost control and allowed myself to be weak.  I drank heavily and often during that time, and I’m ashamed of that weakness.  However, I was able to recognize that I was descending back into a place where I didn’t want to be, and I retook control of myself.  I’m a much happier person sober than I’ve ever been drunk and high.

I hope this post doesn’t come across as preachy or judgmental because that is not the intent.  I don’t judge other people for what they do, and I myself enjoy drinking a cold beer at the end of a long week.  I simply no longer drink cold beers until I am hammered.  For me, at this point of my life, I am thankful for the strength to maintain my sobriety from one day to the next.