Tag Archives: relationships

Tuesday Morning Ramblings – Thankful #16

November 16, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

I’m thankful for my friends. I’m one of the most fortunate people in the world because I have great friends. I’m not going to single out any one individual for fear of leaving someone out, but if you consider yourself my friend, please know that I am grateful for your presence in my life. I’m not an easy person to be friends with, so thank you for tolerating my stubbornness, foolishness, and oddness.

I also apologize to my friends for sometimes being so distant. I often deal with difficulties by retreating into my shell and and sorting things out on my own. It’s my way of getting through bad stuff, and while I acknowledge that it makes me standoffish, it’s just the way I process things. Please understand that if you are a friend of mine, I still care about you even if I don’t come around for a while.

My friends have always had my back, and for that, I’m most grateful. I don’t need to reiterate what the last three years have been like, and I wouldn’t have survived without the love and support of my truest friends. You kept me from sinking too deeply into utter despair, and I will never forget that. Now that my life is moving in the right direction and I have found a wonderful woman who is a positive and nurturing influence, I hope to reconnect with those of you who I’ve lost some contact with. Please, know that even if we haven’t spoken for some time, I still consider you a friend and am grateful for all that you’ve given me over the years.

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Thursday Morning Ramblings

October 28, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be anything or anyone else. My friends are the people who accept me and embrace me as is. They are the ones who deserve my attention. The people who think there is something odd about me or who find my quirkiness bothersome aren’t worth my time and energy. They are the ones missing out because I’m a pretty decent person. I’m far from perfect and have never once claimed to be without faults, but I am certain my good points far outweigh the bad.

For one, I’m kind. I make every attempt to treat people with respect and dignity, even some who don’t deserve it. I try never to say mean-spirited or hurtful things to or about people. That’s not to say I’ve never hurt anybody’s feelings; I just don’t do it purposefully. The older I get the more I realize that kindness is a rare commodity in this world. Many, many people are just plain mean. Others are just inconsiderate. Those of us who make a conscious effort to treat others kindly are few and far between, and often that kindness is mistaken for weakness, but I am far from weak.

I’ve been through some difficult trials the last three years, some very long, very bleak stretches of time where I thought my entire world was imploding. I have seen other people collapse from the same pressures, but I have managed to keep myself somewhat sane and mostly productive. In the last three years, I’ve gotten my second book into print and completed the rough draft of the third. I’ve traveled the Southeast to promote at various conventions and festivals. I’ve worked hard for the college and my students, and I’ve begun development of the farm. To accomplish these things, I had to dig deep inside myself and find strength I didn’t even know I had. If you misinterpret my kindness for weakness, you are sadly mistaken.

I’m also funny. Yes, my sense of humor is a bit odd, and I find humor in moments and events that others don’t, but I’ve learned about myself over the years that I can make most people laugh most of the time. This is a good skill to have, and it has served me well in every facet of my life.

I’m a 37 year old divorced man who is a little overweight, underpaid in his career, and not yet discovered as a novelist. I may never find that success, either. I have a temper, can be a slob, and am way way way too sensitive. I’m goofy, awkward, sometimes inept, and often out of step. I have plenty more faults I could divulge, but I’ll save those for another day. Despite my many blemishes, I’m still a pretty good person, and the people who see me and accept me for who I am are the only ones whose opinions I give a damn about.

www.thirdaxe.com

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Late Night Ramblings

July 2, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

I’ve written on here a few times about the turmoils I’ve been through, and I’ve tried to remain open and honest about my feelings. Life has dealt me a few serious blows, and a couple of times, I’ve thought that I was down for the count. I’m not ashamed of my status, despite being fairly poor and barely scraping by. I work hard, my child support is paid in full every month, and my sons have insurance. And if I have to do without a few creature comforts to continue to be a decent father, that’s fine by me.

I’ve made some terrible choices with women. I don’t know if I’m just attracted to the wrong ones or if the wrong ones are attracted to me or if I’m just meant to live alone, but I do know for a fact that I need to break the cycle of allowing myself to get involved with women who want to play games behind my back, reward my loyalty with betrayal, and dismiss my love like yesterday’s trash. I’m too decent of a person to continue to allow myself to be treated in those ways, and even if I have to live alone for the rest of my days, I will not settle for anything less than a positive, healthy relationship if I ever do get involved with someone again. And I have the internal strength to live alone as a self-sufficient individual.

For the first time in two and a half years, I feel like I’m almost to my feet emotionally. The women who have betrayed and wounded me the worst will never again control my life. They had an opportunity to nurture my love and grow old with it for shelter and protection, but instead, they chose to turn on me and betray it. In the long run, that’s their loss, not mine, and even if I remain alone, I am better off without their negative anchors weighing me down. And when I lay my head on the pillow at night, my conscience is clear enough that I don’t have much trouble falling asleep.

My books may never be successful, but I do not regret the risks I took to get them on the market. I would take that chance again every single time. While I may not have succeeded, it wasn’t from lack of effort. I have no regrets and will carry my head high even if I never sell another copy because I had the discipline to complete them, the courage to put them out there, and the guts to pursue it will everything I had. I didn’t stand on the sidelines hoping for something to happen. I put my ass in the fire and tried to make something come to life.

And I’ll take a hundred million failures over a lifetime of passivity.