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You Can’t Make Crap Like This Up Ramblings

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No one could’ve predicted this would end badly, a convicted felon with a penchant for guns and predatory wildlife.  I mean, how could anyone foresee a bad end to such a stable environment?  For answers to this tragic enigma wrapped in a blanket of conundrums, I rushed to Washington to speak with my old friend, Billy Joe Oilmoney, himself an avid gun collector and hunter.

“Well, it sure is a mystery,” he said, scratching his head.  “No one could’ve predicted such a tragedy.  This here is a perfect example of why we don’t need regulations of any kind.  If a law-abiding gun owner can’t set loose his collection of lions and bears on unsuspecting neighbors without being criticized for it, that ain’t the kind of America I want to live in.”

I politely reminded Senator Oilmoney that the owner was a convicted felon.

“That’s exactly what I mean.  If we didn’t have regulations, he would’ve been a law-abiding citizen.  Are you slow or something?”

Thankful to have that cleared up, I headed down to South Carolina to speak with Joseph Cartwright III, talk radio host, blogger, and Tea Party Activist.

“Truly, no one could’ve foreseen such a terrifying end to this man’s life.  It’s clear President Obama ordered the CIA to frame this man in an attempt to further a socialist agenda of stripping all Americans of their guns.  I’m sure the PETA tree-huggers will be all over this, too.  Now, we’re gonna have to deal with a new rash of regulations ordering us not to keep exotic predators in our basements.  Well, if I can’t raise Grizzly bears on my farm, I’m not sure I want to live in his nation anymore.”

Next, I headed out to California to interview Dr. Jen Touchyfeely, Professor of Emotional Studies and faculty sponsor of her university’s PETA chapter.  I like to keep things fair and balanced, you know.

“No one could’ve predicted such a horrendous end to this.  It’s just awful how those evil police officers gunned down those innocent animals,” she said, sobbing uncontrollably.  “They could’ve let them live free out there in the wild.”

When I asked about the dangers of letting wild predators roam freely near residential areas, she became incensed.

“We all know the Midwest is just fly-over country.  People don’t actually live there!”

Finally, to get the pulse of how this shocking mystery was affecting the common man, I hurried to Arkansas to chat with my old pal Cletus McOnetooth.

“I reckon it’s is the first I heard of this.  Real live lions and such?  Really?  This ain’t another one them ‘Diny-sores Live’ that turns out to be nothing more than mechanical puppets, is it?”

I assured him the lions were all too real.

“Hot damn!” he shouted, grabbing for his coat and calling to his wife.  “Sugar, gas up the truck and grab my shotgun.  We’re eating lion tonight!”

General Posts

Tuesday Afternoon Ramblings

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It’s curious to me how when the wealthy and well-to-do grab for more, that’s just capitalism.  Greed is good, they espouse.  But when we peasants ask for anything, it’s class warfare.  Get a better job, they grouse, while simultaneously making decisions that create jobs overseas.  They’ve manipulated every law, every regulation, every facet of government to benefit their best interests, and then seem offended when we simple folk complain about the absurd pressures being placed on us today.  They hide wealth in offshore accounts to avoid taxes, and then blame cops, firefighters, and teachers for the deficit.  They sit on their balconies, sipping champagne and mocking the protesters crowding the street below.

Their pomposity, so smug in self-righteousness, angers me.  They have crippled the wealthiest nation in the history of mankind, depleting nearly every advantage we once held, yet act as if because they themselves prosper, all is well in the mighty empire.  Well, all is not well.  We are fed up with the Big Lie.  We are fed up with rising prices and falling wages.  We are fed up with the blame being placed on those of us who go to work every day yet can’t afford basic healthcare.  We are fed up with crumbling infrastructure and pathetic excuses for leadership.

I’m for civil disobedience, for peaceful demonstration.  In a democratic republic such as ours, we should be able to enact change without bloodshed.  We should be able to reclaim our government with our voices and votes.  But the feeling I get is that the wealthy and well-to-do are so convinced of their own turgidity that they will not listen to reason and rational discourse.  I’m afraid that the peaceful protesters will soon be supplanted by the angry mob, and once that happens, things will get uncivilized and messy in a hurry.  Anger and frustration are dangerous fuels and can ignite rapidly.

General Posts

Monday Morning Ramblings

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If you watch Fox News or listen to conservative talk radio, you probably believe the Occupy Wall Street protest and the subsequent demonstrations springing up around the nation are nothing more than a collection of neo-hippies, drugged-out radicals, welfare leeches, and uneducated rabble intent on hijacking the government for their own socialist ideology.  These disorganized radicals are at the same time undisciplined lawbreakers and highly trained agents of some secret Leftist cabal planted by Karl Marx himself.  If you believe the far right, this is how totalitarianism begins.

Of course, two years ago, when Tea Party Activists were conducting similar protests, these same pontificators praised protesters as true patriots attempting to save the nation from the evils of government.  Then, protests were our God-given right, guaranteed by the Constitution and paid for by the blood of the Revolution.  It was the duty of concerned citizens to protest the injustices of Death Panels and government bailouts of irresponsible corporations.

I’m not physically there on Wall Street, so I can’t intelligently speak about the people who are protesting.  I also can’t intelligently describe their methods or activities because I haven’t seen them firsthand.  All I’ve seen are video clips and sound bytes from major news outlets, and we all know that the media can manipulate those to fit whatever suits their needs.  What I do know and can speak about intelligently is that the vast majority of us “average” Americans are fed up with corporate greed and government bureaucracy.  We’re  sick of watching laws and regulations manipulated to favor the few and harm the many.  We’re sick of feeling like the entire system is rigged against us.

The other day, I wrote about my hopes for the protests.  Nearly every person I know, regardless of political affiliation, feels like our country is slipping away from us.  Maybe, it’s already too far gone to save.  Maybe, we can salvage our democratic republic and restore liberty to the masses.  Only time will tell, but what is certain is that this current round of protests is fueled by an overwhelming sense of frustration we all feel.