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40 Year Old Ramblings

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Someone get those damn kids off my lawn.  How the hell do I get this clock to stop flashing?  Speak up.  I can barely hear you.  What’s happening to me?  Holy crap, I’m 40 years old today.

I wish I could offer some pearls of wisdom to the world now that I’m officially over the hill, but about the only thing I’ve learned in this life is that I don’t really know anything.  On this day, I’m grateful for all my friends and family who love me.  I’m grateful for my sons who give me purpose.  The first 40 years have been a wild ride.  I hope the next 40 settle down a little bit because I’m ready for a little tranquility and peace of mind.

This semester has been brutal, to say the least.  Before Thursday, I’d only had two days off over the last two months, and I’m feeling exhausted.  I purposefully took these four days off to recharge for the final push.  Once I get over this hump, I hope to get caught up on the important things I’ve had to shove to the back burner, such as building the second hydro unit and taking care of everyone who claimed a perk during the fundraiser.

For today, I plan to watch football, eat pumpkin pie, and rest a little more.  Hopefully, I’ll get some good news about book four to share soon.  As soon as I know something, I’ll share the news.  Until then, if you want to do something for my birthday, please share the links to book one and spread the word about the series.  All I want today is to sell a few books.

http://www.seventhstarpress.com/

http://www.amazon.com/The-Brotherhood-of-Dwarves-ebook/dp/B0076OCAKG/ref=kinw_dp_ke

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1937929914

General Posts

Saturday Afternoon Ramblings

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Here’s why I find myself growing angry and bitter.  By the terms of my divorce, based on Tennessee law, my child support is based on a ratio between my income and solely the mother’s, and the time we each have the boys.  Because she doesn’t work, I’m required to pay roughly 30% of my take home income, regardless of what her household income is.  Financially, that’s crippling and affects my ability to spend time with my sons.  Furthermore, I have no oversight on how that money is spent.  None.  In addition to that, I get no tax break on that money.  My taxes are based on gross income, so some years I actually owe money at the end of the year, despite living well below the poverty line.

If I don’t pay child support, I can face jail time for contempt of court.  If I don’t pay it, even though I have no way of ensuring that money is spent on my children, I’m labeled a deadbeat dad, not just by the law but also by society.  Don’t get me wrong, I have no issue with supporting my children.  I would do anything for them.  What I have a problem with is the imbalance of the laws that have crippled me financially for at least twelve more years, offer me no safeguards that the money is used for its intended purpose, and in effect enslave me to that obligation, regardless of whether or not she actually needs the money.

So I work, pay the money, and scrape by on what’s left.

My profession is education.  Aside from writing, that’s what I’m best at doing.  Today, because our society so undervalues education, during the school year, I work 60-70 hours a week.  Last night, I graded until 8:00 PM, on Friday night.  I woke up this morning and spent three more hours grading, recording, and uploading files.  As soon as I finish this post, I’ll spend at least five to six more hours doing the same.  Tomorrow, I’ll spend all day grading.  From mid-August to mid-December, I get maybe three or four full days off.  Anyone who has ever taught can attest that being in the classroom teaching is exhausting work in and of itself.  I’ve worked other jobs and have often said that one hour in class equates to about two hours at another job.  During the school year, I and every other teacher I know live in a constant state of exhaustion.

Because I have to work so many long hours with so little time off, I have no time or energy left over for loved ones.  Just talking to my children for an hour four nights a week is taxing.  Forget about date nights (not that I have any money for one) or spending quality time with friends and family.  Forget about writing or doing the things I need to do for the farm.  By the time I accomplish everything I have to do for school, I’m utterly spent, and it’s Monday morning and time to start over again.  Forget about promoting my books the way I need to.  Forget about nurturing a relationship.  Forget about having any kind of a normal life.

I’ve had well-intending people tell me to find another profession, as if the answer is so simple.  I’m trained to teach and write.  I’ve yet to find an employer out there that values my skills or equates them to their needs.  Not that there are any decent jobs out there right now.  I feel trapped by circumstances with no foreseeable end to the cycle.  I’ve all but lost hope on my books ever being “successful” financially.  I’ve all but lost hope on ever getting the farm off the ground, even though I’ve proven my hydro design works.  I simply don’t have the funds to make it happen.

So each day, I feel a little more bitter, a little more angry.  I feel like our system has failed me at each and every turn.  I’m trying desperately to find something to give me a glimmer of hope, a flicker of optimism that somehow things will get better, but each day I feel more trapped, more alone, more forsaken, more disenfranchised.  That’s my reality.  That’s where I am right now.

General Posts

Saturday Morning Ramblings

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Two and a half years ago, I was a shell of a man, struggling to get to my feet and find my bearings after my divorce.  I was broke and broken. I lived in my best friend’s spare bedroom and didn’t have my own car.  I made it to and from work by bumming rides from family and friends.  Each day was a challenge to find the motivation to get out of bed and force myself to trudge onward.  Because of the terms of my divorce, I get to keep roughly $.51 on every $1.00 I earn.  After taxes, child support, and insurance for my kids, my take home pay is barely above minimum wage.  Those factors severely limit how often I get to see my children, and for anyone who knows me, you know how deeply that affects me.

Two and a half years ago, I faced tough choices.  I could lay down and give up, and quite frankly, that option was pretty appealing.  I could move somewhere else, closer to my kids, and start a new life.  I went so far as to apply for jobs in South Georgia and North Florida.  Then, one day, as I worked on cleaning up my motor home to get it livable, an idea came to me.  I looked out at my family’s 27 acres and realized that one of the passions I’ve always wanted to pursue is growing vegetables.

I started researching what it would take to launch a farm.  The more I learned, the more I realized that the future of farming is indoor growing, so I launched myself into studying as much as I could about aeroponics and hydroponics.  At first, I leaned towards an aeroponic system because of the efficiency, and I built a functional prototype.  However, the more I learned, the more I saw that those units, while efficient, are highly unstable.

So I went back to the drawing board and designed an ebb and flow hydroponic unit.  In August of this year, I finally had enough money to buy all of the components necessary to build and launch the system.  Today, I’m a couple of weeks away from the first harvest.  From this experience, I’ve learned some valuable lessons, most notably that because of the grow rates of various plants, it’s important to have multiple systems to maintain proper nutrient cycles for each.  To that end, I want to build our second unit that I can dedicate to one specific vegetable.

But like I said, I’m severely limited in my financial resources, so quite honestly, I need help.  I’m currently running an IndieGoGo campaign to raise funds for this second unit.  If I didn’t need this money to get the unit up and running soon, I wouldn’t be asking, but I know, based on my take home income, it will be mid-summer before I can have enough money to put into it.  If I can get this system going now, I could effectively have three harvests in that time frame.

Recently, I’ve watched three specific fundraisers have tremendous success.  A friend of mine raised money for a rock video.  Within 48 hours, he had surpassed his goal.  An acquaintance raised money for an independent film and received enough to cover production costs.  Most recently, my publisher ran a campaign for a new book project and raised nearly 250% of their goal.  I don’t resent the successes of these fund raisers.  In fact, I supported each one, sharing links and writing blogs about them, but I am bothered by the lack of interest in supporting my project.

I’m trying to build a farm that will have a long-lasting impact on the lives of people in this region.  We need more fresh, organic vegetables in this area.  We need more sustainable agricultural practices.  That’s not political either.  It’s just a fact.  Weather patterns are changing.  During the grow season, we have extended periods of drought followed by intense storms.  That’s not conducive to efficient farming.  The future will have to be focused on developing indoor growing environments that are year round and efficient.  I’m not even going to get into the effects of rising fuel prices on traditional farming, but our current model isn’t financially sustainable long-term.

So I’m asking for your help.  If you can, please, contribute, even $1.  If you can’t, please share the link, especially with people you know who might be interested.  This farm has the opportunity to change lives, not just mine but those in my community, too.  I believe that with all my heart.  I have the plan, the design, and the ability to make it happen.  What I don’t have are the financial resources.  Please, help me make this a reality.