I’ve got a new book coming soon. It’s a humorous look at life in jail because it’s much better to laugh at misfortune than cry. So far, the feedback I’ve received is that it’s laugh-out-loud funny. A word of warning, though: this book is NSFW. It’s so profane it’s probably not safe for home either, so read at your own discretion.

Here’s a brief snippet:

So to spice up your Tuesday afternoon, you chug a fifth of whiskey and let happen what may. At some point, it becomes imperative to check on your elderly neighbor who you haven’t seen in a couple of weeks. He might be in danger, you realize, so you charge across the neighborhood in denim shorts and tennis shoes. What could possibly go wrong? you reason as you proceed to bang on every door and window, calling his name and growing more fearful with each passing minute. When the cops arrive after several calls from other concerned neighbors, you realize your wallet is still at home, so you attempt to run back there to retrieve it. Three Taser jolts, a dose of pepper spray, and a two minute beating later, you find yourself in the back of a patrol car charged with two counts of Aggravated Assault on an Officer and one count of Aggravated Burglary, and you are heading to jail. You’ve never been in trouble before and have no idea what to expect inside.

Never fear! This educational guide will give you an overview of 101 things you need to know about being an inmate in a county jail, so while you wait to be fingerprinted, photographed, and booked in, you can relax a little and enjoy yourself instead of fretting over when you’ll get to see an attorney.