Education Ramblings

September 28, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

Recently, I got the opportunity to testify before a congressional sub-sub-committee meeting on education reform. Since elections are just around the corner, the representatives wanted to accomplish something positive before adjourning for their fall respite. The following is a transcript of our meeting:

Delaware (D): As chair of this sub-sub-committee, I call this meeting to order. Massachusetts, you have the floor.

Massachusetts (D): Mr. Adams, what do you see as the biggest need in our education system?

DA: Well, students need…

Texas (R): I object to that question on grounds that it promotes a socialist agenda.

Massachusetts (D): According to recent f***ing polls, Americans rank education as important. The question is f***ing valid.

DA: Students need…

Utah (R): The only problem with education is that students no longer say “One nation, under God.” If we just added that back in, all of our problems would vanish.

Florida (D): Separation of Church and State!

California (D): We should convene a sub-sub-sub-committee to examine the effects of separating church and state on students’ emotional needs.

Texas (R): That’s socialism if I ever heard it!

DA: Students need…

Minnesota (D): I’m certain that you’ve thoroughly researched your prepared testimony before arriving at this meeting. Could you just forward a synopsis to my office so that my assistants can review your findings and brief me?

Kansas (R): We need to remove any reference to science from our textbooks so that we can get back to being the world standard for education.

Massachusetts (D): Are you f***ing stupid? That doesn’t even make any f***ing sense.

Texas (R): If you weren’t such a lily-livered, godless commie socialist, it might.

California (D): We need to establish a sub-sub-sub-committee to explore the emotional toll of removing science from textbooks.

DA: If I could just say…

Vermont (D): I think we should table this agenda point until our next session after the elections. My polls indicate that the public opposes the president on this issue, and I don’t want to seem in allegiance with him.

Texas (R): Yeah, let’s table this here dogie until the herd is driven to market.

Massachusetts (D): You a f***ing Harvard grad. You wouldn’t know a f***ing dogie from a Volkswagon.

Texas (R): That’s a Nazi car. I knew the president was just like Hitler.

Delaware (D): Unfortunately, our time is up. Mr. Adams, your input has been insightful. Thank you for your time.

I left the meeting proud to be an American.

Humor

Healthcare Reform Ramblings

September 23, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

That evil, socialist healthcare reform begins to phase into effect today. Here are the dastardly provisions that become law now:

1. Insurance companies will no longer be able to deny children coverage for pre-existing conditions. (Damn socialists wanting children to have health coverage. Damn them. Damn them to hell. How can our country be moving in that direction?)

2. Children of parents with insurance will be allowed to remain covered under those policies until the age of 26. (Make the little fuckers get a job.)

3. Insurance companies will be forbidden from terminating coverage for any other reason than customer fraud. (How can health insurance companies make billions in profits if they actually have to keep sick people on the books? Again, how can our country be moving in such an evil direction?)

4. Insurance companies will no longer be able to cap the amount of benefits and treatment a person can receive in a lifetime. (Jesus fucking Christ, is there no justice for large corporations trying to maximize profits? )

5. Insurers can no longer charge customers for preventive services like mammograms and colonoscopies. (This commie fucker can’t even spell preventative correctly. Our country is headed in the wrong direction!)

6. High-risk pools are mandated to cover those who have been denied coverage because of pre-existing conditions. (This must be those death panels I heard about on Fox News. Get my goddamn pitchfork and torch. Take to the streets! We’re Taxed Enough Already! I’m angry at all this socialism!)

We now continue with your regularly scheduled programming.

General Posts

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

September 21, 2010 D.A. Adams Leave a comment

Never let facts get in the way of a good hate. Nevermind that all indicators point to the fact that under the current administration’s leadership, the recovery from the Bush Era Recession has been faster and stronger than the recover from the recessions of 1991 and 2001. Nevermind that after a couple of years of losing hundreds of thousands of jobs a month the economy has been creating jobs again for the last few months. Nevermind that things in this country are slowly moving in the right direction. The people who hate President Obama are going to hate him no matter what the facts are.

And even though many of those same people often let the N-word fly when they mention black people, their disdain for the president has nothing to do with his race. And even though many still cling to the same tired, dis-proven campaign smears about his citizenship, his religion, and his patriotism, in their minds their hate is perfectly rational because the deficit has grown. Nevermind that during the previous administration’s two terms the deficit grew by record increases year after year after year. They weren’t steeping in the streets because that president was “one of them,” even though his father is an oil billionaire and a political insider. He sure sounded and looked like them.

After 9/11, President Bush had a 90% approval rating because many of us who disagreed with his politics set aside our partisanship and backed our leader. By the end of his second term that approval had fallen to 27% because of his incompetence, not because of blind obstructionism. The opposition to our current president cannot claim any form of objectivity. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, President Obama could do to sway those people that he is doing a good job — no matter that the stock market has increased by 25% since his inauguration, no matter that the housing market is slowly coming back, no matter that the facts say the economy is moving in the right direction.

Hate is hate, and fear is fear, and they will not listen to reason or rational argument. They need a shit-kicking cowboy who spits backer and don’t take no lip off them lily-livered Commies, not some educated ni…uh…spear-ch…uh…spa…uh…socialist.