Recently, I got the opportunity to testify before a congressional sub-sub-committee meeting on education reform.  Since elections are just around the corner, the representatives wanted to accomplish something positive before adjourning for their fall respite.  The following is a transcript of our meeting:

Delaware (D):  As chair of this sub-sub-committee, I call this meeting to order.  Massachusetts, you have the floor.

Massachusetts (D):  Mr. Adams, what do you see as the biggest need in our education system?

DA:  Well, students need…

Texas (R):  I object to that question on grounds that it promotes a socialist agenda.

Massachusetts (D):  According to recent f***ing polls, Americans rank education as important.  The question is f***ing valid.

DA:  Students need…

Utah (R):  The only problem with education is that students no longer say “One nation, under God.”  If we just added that back in, all of our problems would vanish.

Florida (D):  Separation of Church and State!

California (D):  We should convene a sub-sub-sub-committee to examine the effects of separating church and state on students’ emotional needs.

Texas (R):  That’s socialism if I ever heard it!

DA:  Students need…

Minnesota (D):  I’m certain that you’ve thoroughly researched your prepared testimony before arriving at this meeting.  Could you just forward a synopsis to my office so that my assistants can review your findings and brief me?

Kansas (R):  We need to remove any reference to science from our textbooks so that we can get back to being the world standard for education.

Massachusetts (D):  Are you f***ing stupid?  That doesn’t even make any f***ing sense.

Texas (R):  If you weren’t such a lily-livered, godless commie socialist, it might.

California (D):  We need to establish a sub-sub-sub-committee to explore the emotional toll of removing science from textbooks.

DA:  If I could just say…

Vermont (D):  I think we should table this agenda point until our next session after the elections.  My polls indicate that the public opposes the president on this issue, and I don’t want to seem in allegiance with him.

Texas (R):  Yeah, let’s table this here dogie until the herd is driven to market.

Massachusetts (D):  You a f***ing Harvard grad.  You wouldn’t know a f***ing dogie from a Volkswagon.

Texas (R):  That’s a Nazi car.  I knew the president was just like Hitler.

Delaware (D):  Unfortunately, our time is up.  Mr. Adams, your input has been insightful.  Thank you for your time.

I left the meeting proud to be an American.