For Collin and Finn

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

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Dear sons, it makes me so proud to know both of you are embracing reading.  I can’t stress enough how valuable and healthy this skill can be in your lives.  Reading exercises your brain in a way nothing else can, which improves your intelligence, helps you retain more knowledge, and keeps you sharper longer.  Reading is one of the best ways to learn new skills and self-educate, both of which can go a long way to achieving the self-sufficiency I’ve stressed to you before.  Being literate empowers you in more ways than I can even begin to express.  The older you get, the more you will be grateful for learning this skill and embracing it.

Reading is also fun.  There’s not much more entertaining than diving into a new world and meeting new characters in a well-written story.  If you read good books, you will rarely be bored, and your imaginations will grow immeasurably.  Some of my fondest memories from childhood involve reading books, and much of what has shaped me into the man I am today came from the pleasures of reading.  There’s nothing wrong with playing video games and watching shows/movies, but reading is a much better, much more beneficial, and much healthier activity.

One day soon, you’ll be old enough to read my books, and that thought both fills me with pride and terrifies me.  If you love the stories, of course, I’ll be delighted, but if you don’t, I’m not sure how I’ll feel.  I wrote them for you, hoping to share a heroic tale that would inspire you, and I care more about your approval than anybody else’s.  So when the day comes when you do begin reading them, I’ll be more nervous than with any other reader.  All I ask of you are two things: please be honest with me, and please be gentle.

Enjoy reading, guys.  You have both entered into a pastime that can change and enrich your lives forever.  You make me proud that you both enjoy learning so much and that you are beginning to absorb books.  I promise you I will provide you with as many as I can find, and you will have an endless source of entertainment and education.  I love you, boys.

General Posts

Monday Morning Ramblings

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I had a pretty cool experience last night while talking to Collin.  On average, I talk to the boys 4-5 nights a week for about an hour each night.  Usually, Collin wants to play games that we make up, and most of those games are based on whatever video game he’s into.  Sometimes, he wants to talk to me “like adults,” meaning he wants to tell me all about his job, wife, and kids.  Currently, he’s an illustrator, an explorer, an inventor, and a construction worker; he’s also been married for twenty years and has two or three kids, depending on the day.  Finn sometimes wants to talk, but mostly, he just enjoys having me sing to him.

Recently, Collin has begun reading to me from a book he got about the most dangerous animals in the world.  He gets very serious and has already developed a reading voice that sounds like a museum tour guide.  He needs a little help on a few words, but for the most part, he’s becoming a pretty good reader.  I probably don’t need to mention how proud that makes me.  For the last four years, I’ve worried about him watching too much TV and playing too many video games, but now that he’s discovered reading for fun, he seems to be taking to it much like I did at that age.

Last night, Finn had already fallen asleep, so Collin and I started out playing a couple of games.  Then, he asked if he could read to me from a new book he had just gotten, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  If you know anything about me, you probably know that’s the book that got me into fantasy and writing, so it’s pretty special to me to begin with.  He had gotten to page 47 on his own and read aloud to me up to page 63.  For nearly a full hour, I just sat and listened to him, helping him with a few words but mostly just listening to my oldest son read to me one of my favorite books.  It was one of those ineffable moments parents get to share with their children that make all the difficulties worth it.  All I can say is that I’ll hold onto that memory for as long as I can.

General Posts

Thursday Morning Ramblings

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I’ve reached the point in my teaching career where I feel like I’m wasting my life.   The skills I teach, writing, critical thinking, and to a lesser extent reading, seem life relics of a bygone era, and every semester, not only are the students less prepared coming into class, they also tend to act more resistant to learning even the basics.  Sure, there are the occasional gems and the dedicated adults, but their numbers dwindle with each year.  Now, after 14 years in the classroom, I truly feel burnt out, used up, frustrated, and ready for a substantive change.

Those who have followed me for a while have heard me gripe about these feelings before, but now, I can’t stress loudly enough that I really, really, really need out.  I feel like I’m suffocating from the demands of the job, and with each passing hour of class prep and grading, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve lost yet another hour that could’ve been spent doing something more productive and more fulfilling for me.  Right now, I’m honestly only here for the paycheck, and considering how paltry the money is in comparison to the effort required, that’s simply not adequate motivation to continue.

The downside is that I know I’m stuck for at least another year and a half because I’m too close to having my retirement vested to walk away today, and while that amount of money may not be enormous, it is enough that I would be stupid not to tough it out for at least 18 more months.  But with every single day and every single essay graded, I feel a little piece of myself die and know  the time wasted on most of the papers is that much less time left in my life to write my own works.  I know there are some of you who feel trapped in your jobs and can relate to what I’m expressing.

The good part is now that my health is coming back, my focus is returning to the farm.  Without that prospect of hope, I’m not certain I could make it, but having the opportunity to get it going provides me with at least the sense of an escape route.  Over the next few months, I’m going to throw myself back into that project and make as much progress as I can.  With a little luck and a lot of hard work, hopefully it will become productive enough that two years from now I can walk away from education permanently.  One of the only things I know for certain is that I don’t have much more than that left in me.