Late Night Nonsense

My career in education is over. I’ve waited a week and a half to write this entry because I wanted to sift through my emotions first, but now, sitting here alone after midnight and sorting through nearly two decades worth of stuff, I’m still not sure what my emotions are. I know I feel as if I’ve wasted my life and my talents. I feel undervalued, under-appreciated, and under-rewarded for sixteen years of service. I feel trapped by poverty, by a broken body, by a crushed spirit. I feel like my society tricked me into believing one set of values — that hard work, education, and dedication mattered — only to bury me in student loan debt without any means of repaying it because those values in this country today are nothing more than empty platitudes. Right or wrong, that’s how I feel.

I want to write a lot more, but I don’t want to say anything else. I’m going to finish the final book in the Brotherhood series, and from there, I have no idea where my life will go. Somehow, someway I have to find a way to earn enough money to do more than simply survive. My body is too tired, too fragile, and too damaged for survival. On a side note, to the jackasses out there who pirate copies of my books, you’re stealing from a man who can barely keep his lights on month to month. Thanks. I truly hope there is a special room in hell for people like you.

I’m sorry to whine, but there’s little left in my tank. I feel completely and utterly spent in every conceivable way. Hopefully, now that the stress and grind of education are behind me, I will begin to recover somewhat, but right now at this moment, I feel physically and emotionally broken. In the past, I’ve always been able to push through every sort of physical discomfort life has thrown at me, but for some reason, this is different. I don’t know if the neurological stuff has worsened and weakened me or if I’m simply getting older and softer or if I’m just exhausted, but right now, I can’t push through whatever this is.

That’s all for now. Sorry to be such a downer.

9 thoughts on “Late Night Nonsense”

  1. If you are at all of a mind for such things, I highly recommend you learn to code. In as little as three months, you could be on your way to a very lucrative career. If LINGO tanks, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.

  2. Just keep your eyes open and think positive and you will find a way!

    I know our situations aren’t similar, but I have 8 years of Universiry education and the debt has been rolling in, times were rough. Although it may sound clichéd, but if there is a will there is a way.

    Best of luck to you!

    “I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I am telling you it will be worth it.” Art Williams

  3. You should know that you have always been one of my favorite people. Life is never fair and it can get us all down. However, the Alex I know always wades thru whatever is thrown at him. I remember the day you showed me the pictures of your boys and we talked about what you wanted for them in life. Your values and ideals are so strong…..dont let this world take that from you. Take a few days just to bury your head in the sand and forget the world. Then it will be time for the Alex I know….the one that will take this world by storm in your own way. I am here anytime you need a friend… you bunches!

  4. Sometimes all we can do is just hang on. Writing is who you are. I have no doubt it will continue in some fashion. I don’t think you have a choice in that. As for education, as hard as it has been on you over the years you never know which child you reached even though it was never mentioned. It maybe the boy that seemed to pay no attention rudely checking his phone who absorbed every word. It maybe the quiet girl in the back you never quite met your eyes. But you did something for those kids. And although its not said enough. Thank you. So many people are struggling something has to break soon in this country. Hang in there my friend. Hang in there. Find a reason to keep going and just keep going. Then straighten up open your eyes and find your path. Its there and you will find it. You got this.

  5. You seem to have a great following with social media, have you ever considered network marketing? I have seen some amazing social networking pull through the rough times with it and quit their day jobs – just be sure you choose the right company to start with. I don’t have much of a social following but as a third job (today’s economy!), it does generate me a fair income on the side. After about 45 working hours over 4 months, provides me roughly ~$600 CAD/mth.

    Just a thought! And Patty, very well said 🙂

  6. Alex,
    I remember as an “old” student in your class, how impressed that I was with your teaching. Being out of school as long as I had been, it was hard to jump back into a students chair after 26 years. You truly are a wonderful teacher. The skills that you taught me, and the way you taught them, are things that I will use through out my career. Life sucks sometimes, believe me, I’ve had my share, and I know how you feel. But, perhaps THE most important thing I came away from your class with was a speech that you gave us towards the end of the semester. You told us that there was one quote that we needed to always remember and live by. I will copy it to the end of this reply…but i want you to know, as your student, that i have kept the copy of that quote and read it virtually everyday. It has made an impact on my life…and now, I am giving it back to you. Thank you for being a good man, a good friend, and a good teacher.

    Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

    Calvin Coolidge


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