If you’d asked me when I was younger how I saw myself at 36, I probably would have given some answer like successful, married, couple of kids, blah, blah, blah. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have said divorced, single, and still trying to establish as a writer, but that’s where I am. The funny thing is, I’m kind of happy. Despite all the negative things that have happened to me over the last few years, I like myself. I’m decent to people, a good teacher, a good writer, and most importantly a good father. I like not having a spouse to nag at or criticize me for things. I like not having someone trying to make me into a “better” version of myself.
Being single allows me to focus on the things that really matter to me: my writing, my career, my students. The only downside is being separated from my sons. I miss them terribly every moment of every day, and the times I do get to spend with them are never long enough. That’s one of my few regrets in my life, that I don’t get to be a full-time father to my sons.
But overall, as I sit here on Father’s Day 2009 thinking about my boys and hoping they are safe and happy, I am glad to still be able to pursue my passions and strive for my goals. One day, I will get there.