Tag Archives: relationships

General Posts

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

1 Comment


Part of my healing process to become a better man, father, and partner has been to re-evaluate my life and look at all the twists and turns and missteps I’ve traveled.  I’ve worked in pizza on virtually every level, including mostly delivery; sweated and shivered in warehouses; drove a short-haul truck route; built a greenhouse; ran the front desk of hotels; cleaned tables as a bus boy; fallen on my face in retail; sold advertising, cars, and timeshare; tutored kids; lectured on composition, business communications, and speech; written books, short stories, articles, and Ramblings; and toiled at a variety of menial labor positions.  From each of these experiences, I’ve learned something about myself and others and life in general.

While not every choice I’ve made has been right, I wouldn’t trade one moment of my past for anything better.  Each step, each failure, each new attempt has brought me to today, to the man I’ve grown into.  I happen to like this man.  Sure, I’m stubborn and proud, battered and bruised, but I’m also more steadfast and dedicated to accomplishing my goals.  I’ve learned our greatest strengths as a species are our capacity for compassion and ability to forgive.  I’ve learned that through giving of ourselves without expectation of return we find peace and contentment.  Even the smallest act of simple kindness can impact a person’s life profoundly.

I’m still a work and progress and have much patience and maturity to learn.  I’m trying hard to let go of the anger and pain I feel towards those who have wronged me, and I’m hoping for forgiveness from those I’ve wronged.  I’m grateful for each and every person who takes the time to read one of my books or silly Ramblings, and I’m humbled whenever someone finds entertainment or inspiration from what I’ve written.  I’m blessed to have my health on the mend and grateful for each new day, each new opportunity to do something positive with my life.  I’m grateful for all the friends and loved ones in my life; you are the greatest blessing a person could ask for.

I’ve learned to define success on my terms, without the  encumbrance of preconceived expectations, and while I’m not financially where I want to be, in many ways, I’m more successful than I ever imagined possible.  I’ve learned who I am and what I’m worth as a man, a father, a friend, and a lover, and that knowledge alone is worth all of the hardships.  I’ve learned that nothing worth having comes easy, and while that may seem trite and mundane and cliche, it’s one of the truest truths in this world.  All I can do, as a work in progress, is keep working hard, keep learning, keep growing, keep maturing, and keep striving.  That is my path to my definition of success, and I will walk that path with my eyes open, my shoulders held high, and my head slightly bowed.  In that manner, I will traverse my road, and in that manner, I will enjoy the journey.

General Posts

Saturday Morning Ramblings

14 Comments


I was 23 when my ex-wife and I first started dating.  In many ways, I was just a dumb kid, full of dreams and ambitions, but truly clueless about how the world really functions.  I believed in my abilities as a writer and even had a handful of publishing credits under my belt, but in terms of building a career, I had no idea what I was doing.  I decided to go to graduate school for an MFA in Creative Writing because I thought that degree would afford me the opportunity to write full-time and teach for a little while until I began making a fortune from my books.

She and I married my fourth semester of the six semester program, and I was utterly miserable in graduate school.  All of my passion and love for writing was crushed by the petty workshops and backbiting students and the un-inspirational core faculty.  To this day, I will not join a formal writers’ group for those reasons.  Shortly after she and I married, we found out she was pregnant, and without any real support system in Memphis, I chose to get my Master’s in Creative Writing (which is considered a lesser degree but still allows one to teach on the collegiate level) to find work and be able to provide for my new family.  I also made the decision to move us back to East Tennessee to have our families near us  for support.

Shortly after the move, she had a miscarriage and for the most part blamed me because of the long ride in the bumpy truck.  The first year of our marriage was almost as bad as the last two.  I worked several crappy jobs while looking for teaching work and struggled just to keep a roof over our heads.  By this point, at 26, I had given up on writing.  The experience of graduate school had been too much, so when I first landed a teaching position, I resigned myself to being a full-time teacher.  At least, I rationalized, I could share my love of language with others.

The school where I held my first full-time assignment treated its faculty like second-class citizens and worked us beyond anything reasonable.  For over 8 years, I gave those bastards my absolute best, and in return, I got a paltry salary, a mountain of attitude, and zero respect.  Not from all, there were some people there who were wonderful colleagues, but the bad far outweighed the good.  In 2003, about halfway though my career at that school, I experienced a rebirth of sorts when my first son was conceived and, despite working full-time at the college and part-time on the weekends, poured myself into crafting The Brotherhood of Dwarves.  I truly believed writing would be my ticket out of education and the way to provide a better life for my son.

Other than the birth of my second son, 2006 was a rough year for me.  My marriage was unraveling in front of my eyes, and my relationship with the college had soured to the point that I would no longer attend meetings to avoid the negative bullshit.  I felt besieged at home and work and felt trapped in a life that was draining me of all hope.  To make matters worse, Brotherhood had been a resounding flop in terms of sales, and I had no way to release book two, Red Sky at Dawn.  The only positives in my life were my two sons.  Being their daddy made everything bearable.

When I look back at that time of my life, I feel like my youth was drained from me by a woman who didn’t believe in me and a college that never appreciated me.  Today, that’s why I’m so steadfast in my mentality that no one will ever mistreat me again.  I’ve paid my dues and, since the divorce in 2008, learned to live without my children on a daily basis.  I cannot and will not accept anything other than respect and fairness.  Without those two as a foundation, nothing can be healthy or positive, and I’ve already lost too much of my life to draining experiences.  Now, I will not settle for anything less than an equal balance of give and take.  Slowly but surely, I’m inching towards the man I want to be, and one day, I will get there.

For Collin and Finn

Friday Morning Ramblings

2 Comments


Dear sons, one of my hopes for you is that you learn to be self-sufficient.  There’s a freedom to knowing how to do things for yourself that’s invaluable.  Not needing someone else to wash and iron your clothes or tend your yard or patch your roof or cook your meals allows you to stand on your own and not be dependent on anyone.  I hope you learn all of the essential skills and grow into the kinds of men who don’t need a woman to survive and who don’t have to call a contractor every time a faucet starts dripping.  You will be much happier men if you develop these skills.

I’m fortunate that your great-grandfather and papaw taught me how to do the basics of most things.  I’m fortunate that I learned to cook and do laundry while in college.  There aren’t many things I can’t do for myself, and I feel confident that even if I don’t know how to do something, I can figure it out with a little trial and error.  Part of learning self-sufficiency is not fearing making mistakes.  We learn the most when we try something, fail, and then try again.  If you want to grow into strong, independent men, set aside the fear of failure and try to do things for yourselves.

Even though this hasn’t worked out for me yet, I also believe that having self-sufficiency will make you a better partner for whomever you end up with.  When you can help out with the dishes as well as mow the yard, you can share more of the daily chores that make life a grind.  Sharing the load goes a long way to reducing stress in a relationship and makes you more equal as partners.  Also, if you can do for yourself, you are less likely to end up trapped in a bad situation because you have the confidence that you can survive on your own.

So sons, learn as many skills as you can.  As you grow, I’ll try to teach you some of what I’ve learned, but the most important skill I hope you cultivate is to teach yourself how to learn new things.  If you can do this, you’ll learn independence, and with independence comes freedom.  One of my great hopes for both of you is that you never feel dependent on anyone for anything.  I love you, boys, and can’t wait to see you in a couple of months.