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Thursday Morning Ramblings

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Today begins a new semester of classes, and even though I’m prepped for all my courses and have been through it hundreds of times, I always feel nervous on the first day.  I’m not certain why, either.  I could teach these courses in my sleep and know my material as thoroughly as I can.  Still, each new course brings the butterflies.  Once I get through the first meeting with each class, I’m always fine, but for some reason, the first meeting makes me anxious.  After nearly 14 years, you might think that would pass, but so far, it hasn’t.

Last semester renewed my passion for teaching, and I hope that carries over into this semester.  While I still want to leave education and write full-time, I like feeling passionate about my job again.  It makes the long, tedious chore of grading a little less painful, and not dreading each day is refreshing.  I’m good at what I do, and even though I can’t always see the immediate results of my labor, I know deep inside that my efforts do make a difference in people’s live.  That’s a rewarding feeling that not everyone gets from their day-to-day work.  I’ve learned to appreciate that and be thankful for it.

On the writing front, books one and two should be available very soon.  All of the artwork for book one is complete and will be posted on here as soon as possible.  The art for book two is nearly finished, and the prelims are awesome.  I can’t wait to share them.  Once all three books are live, we’re going into a full court press with the series.  In terms of writing, I’m knocking out a short story for an anthology and should have it complete by the end of this week.  Once it’s done, I’ll dive back into book four and get my momentum rolling with it.  I hope to get into the routine of writing every night throughout this semester so the manuscript is ready for polishing by mid-summer.

That’s all for now.  Be on the lookout for the artwork for books one and two in the very near future.

General Posts

Tuesday Afternoon Ramblings

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“Karma has a way of working. She may be slow and silent, but eventually she comes calling. And when she does, she pays back in spades. You can lie to yourself, your friends, your neighbors, and your family, but you can’t lie to Karma. And she’s a wicked bitch.”

I posted those words on my Facebook page last night and stand by them.  Personally, I’ve never once claimed to be a perfect human being.  I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and committed my fair share of wrongdoings, but one thing I know for certain is that my conscience is clear in terms of purposefully hurting others.

In my past, I’ve made mistakes, and through the years, I’ve tried to rectify those mistakes by becoming a better person.  In my career, I’ve stumbled a few times, but I’ve always gotten back to my feet and continued fighting forward.  I don’t depend on anyone for anything.

I’ve said before, my spirit has been reforged in the fires of hell, and I’ve seen myself stripped bare, naked and stark in the bright light of loneliness, and from that moment of truth, I don’t fear my Karma.  I have lived and will continue to live my life in a manner that allows me to look myself in the mirror every morning and feel good about the person I am.  I’m not perfect.  But I am a decent, hard-working person who strives to live a good life.

General Posts

Sunday Afternoon Ramblings

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The time with my kids is never enough.  The trip is so grueling that the first day is often spent trying to recover and adjust to being together, and the last couple of days are often full of pleadings to stay longer and have more time with Daddy.  It’s emotionally exhausting to hear your children tell you time and time again that they would rather live with you because you spend more quality time with them and give them more affection and attention than they get at “home.”  It’s difficult to want nothing more than to keep them with me but to be powerless to change anything.

In between the difficult beginning and ending, we usually have several days full of laughter and hugs and intimacy.  My sons love me, and I love them, and the moments we share are truly special.  On this trip, there are many of those moments that I hope to hold onto and cherish until I see them again.  The following are some of the highlights, in no particular order:

On New Year’s Eve, my youngest nieces spent the night with us, and we got a kit for making cookies on a stick.  The kids mixed the dough and pressed out the cookies on the baking sheet.  All four kids laughed and giggled as they worked the dough and sifted the flour, and once the first batch was ready, they beamed with pride as they ran around the house devouring the cookies they had just decorated with icing and sprinkles.

Also on New Year’s Eve, I took Collin and Finn outside to help me plant trees along the far edge of our property.  At first, Finn was upset that he couldn’t dig his own holes and plant his own twigs, but once he got to use the water jug to soak each one, he had a blast helping me.  Collin stayed by my side the entire time, watching intently as I buried the roots with soil and ashes, created the water-holding ring around the perimeter, and placed mulch around the tiny trunks for insulation.  We spent a couple of hours working together, and both boys asked me each day after if they could check on our trees.

One afternoon, Collin asked me to help him play Dynasty Warriors 5 with them to help him beat a difficult battle.  When we won the game, he hugged my neck and gave me a high five in celebration.  The look on his face, the pride and excitement at having won together as a team, almost made me cry.

Another afternoon, Finn asked me to play Super Mario Smash Bros. with him, and he beat me 3 out of 4 tries, and he really beat me.  I didn’t just let him win.  His excitement at having defeated me was fun to watch.  He hopped around on the bed and smiled with each victory.

The most intimate moments were the times I got to sit one-on-one with each of them and just talk.  They both would snuggle up against me, pressing their heads against my chest and telling me how much they loved me, and we would talk about whatever they wanted.  Those moments happened at least once a day, and I cherish each one.

On the drive to Florida, Collin got upset about leaving me, telling me how much he was going to miss me and how badly he wanted to stay with me forever.  As I tried to sooth him, he said, “You’re a great dad.  You’re everything I want to be.”  My heart completely melted.  Hearing that from my oldest son was almost too much to handle, especially while driving.  I know the day will come when he will see my flaws and shortcomings, and I my greatest hope is that each of my sons will be better men than I am, but hearing that Collin looks up to me so much right now validates for me that all of my efforts to remain active in their lives have at least given them a positive role model to look up to.  All of the sacrifices to spend time with them have been worth it because no matter how little attention and affection they get at “home” they know in their hearts that when they are with me, they are important and special children.  No matter what failings and shortcomings I do have as a person, so far, I have succeeded as a father, and that means more to me than any professional accomplishment.