The first day of the show is going well. Seeing so many of my old friends has been very uplifting. These guys are so supportive and so encouraging that just being around them recharges my batteries. I also got to roast Andy Deane on a panel, which was pretty fun. He’s a great guy, and I really hope he knows I was kidding.
I’ll try to write more tomorrow. Now, I’m going to bed.
I just read an article about the NFL CBA dispute, and it really makes me sick. How fucking greedy can people be? The owners, all multi-billionaires on their own, are unwilling to share more of the pie with the athletes, all of whom make more in one season than I can make in my career as a teacher. Really, guys? At this point in our nation’s economic situation, you are going to squabble over how you share the $9 billion a year revenue? Maybe I’m just overly sensitive, but that just seems like a slap in the face to every middle-class citizen in this country. Most of us are struggling, really struggling, just to see a little daylight in our lives, and you greedy bastards are fighting over sharing billions. That just infuriates me.
If one game, even pre-season, gets cancelled over this bullshit, I swear I’ll stop watching. Major League Baseball pulled the same horseshit in 94, and the sport nearly went bankrupt before they let Mark McGuire juice up and hit extra-far-traveling baseballs in that sham 98 season. Many people who were avid baseball fans haven’t seen a game since 94, and I will be like one of them. You are already overpaid, all of you, and now at this point, you want to get even more greedy? That’s a big load of bullshit, and I won’t be part of it.
I realize that my lone little act of defiance won’t really make a difference in this argument, and long-term, much like baseball, the NFL will survive, but the greed just astonishes me.
As a teacher, I’ve become a shadow of my former self. There was a time when all of my attention and focus was on the students and their needs. Now, I find myself aggravated when a student asks a question that I’ve already covered. “Why can’t you grasp this?” I think. The younger, less burnt-out me understood that some students need to hear things a couple of different ways before the light bulb comes on. Now, I just feel exhausted from explaining and re-explaining the same concepts over and over and over.
Yesterday, I realized that I’ve become that teacher who runs from the building at every chance. Lunch hour? Get out of my way. End of the day? Try to keep up. As a student, I never understood those teachers. “Why are they still here if they are so unhappy?” I would ponder. Now, I realize that getting away from this profession is not so easy.
I’m a good salesperson and could go back to that, but I’m not sure I want to work for somebody else. I want to get the farm going and productive and work for myself for the first time in my life. I have a good plan and some clearly set goals, but all of it takes time, and I feel like the time here is choking the life from me.
I’m well aware that I’m fortunate to have a job and a steady income, and I am grateful for that fact. My best friend was out of work for nearly a full year, so I saw firsthand how devastating that can be, not just financially but emotionally and spiritually as well. So I do count my blessings and recognize that things could be much, much worse.
But coming to work every day feeling as if the job is killing me is no way to live, so I’m going to make this farm successful. All I need is time to get it off the ground.
Big Owl's Tree 