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Please Forward to All Faculty Effective Immediately:

Due to increased the standards of the All Children Left Behind and Race to a Stop Acts, the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy has implemented the following guidelines for evaluating student performance.  All faculty members must adhere to these guidelines without question in order to improve our educational rankings among developed nations.

Section 1 – Does the student attend class regularly and refrain from disruptive behavior?  If yes, refer to Article 1-.01A.  If no, refer to Section 2.

Section 2 – Does the student attend class semi-regularly and refrain from drooling while asleep and/or defecating themselves during class time?  If yes, refer to Article 2-.02A.  If no, refer to Section 3.

Section 3 – Does the defecation have a foul odor?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, refer to Section 4.

Section 4 – Is the student armed? If yes, refer to Section 5.  If no, refer to Section 6.

Section 5 – Is the student a proficient marksman?  If yes, refer to Article 2-.o2A.  If no, refer to Article 3-.o3A.

Section 6 – Has the instructor made every attempt to meet the emotional needs of the student?  If yes, refer to Section 7.  If no, refer to Article 2-.o2A.

Section 7 – Has the instructor simplified the material adequately to engage students on their level of proficiency?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, refer to Section 8.

Section 8 – Has the instructor attempted doing the work for the students?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, please report to the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy for immediate reassignment.

Article 1-.01A – Pass them with an A.

Article 2-.o2A – Pass them with an A.

Article 3-.o3A – Convince them to withdraw from the institution so their numbers don’t count against us.

Remember, student performance is a direct reflection on your ability to teach.  Following these guidelines will make you a more efficient teacher and improve the long-term sustainability of our workforce development.

General Posts

Thursday Morning Ramblings

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Today’s blog is about respect and common courtesy.  In the words of Vince Lombardi, “What the hell is going on out there?”  Is it just me or does it seem like simple, basic rules of etiquette are relics of the past?  Yesterday, I was treated in the most disrespectful, condescending manner of my life, and while I somehow managed to maintain my composure and not blow up in response, I was so angry after we hung up the phone that it took me a good ten minutes to compose myself enough to enter the classroom.  I was so angry I was literally crying, that kind of angry.

It’s one thing to have a difference of opinion or to have to tell someone something disappointing.  Hell, I have to do it every semester in school with failing students, but there is no excuse for being condescending and pompous in the process.  There’s no reason for arrogance and dismissiveness.   Tone of voice and word choice are important, and in professional arenas, it’s not unreasonable to expect a person to behave as a professional.  Part of professionalism is showing respect to customers and clients, no matter the circumstances.  Respect doesn’t mean ass-kissing.  It means showing consideration for and recognizing the other person’s rights as an individual.

I wrote the other day about Coach Brumley Greene humiliating me during a scrimmage, but I can also tell you that off the field that man has always treated me with utmost respect.  There’s a clear difference between a coach trying to motivate a player and a customer service provider showing contempt for a customer.  Have we just lost this concept in our society?  Am I a dinosaur who needs to adapt to the new norms of our culture?  I don’t know anymore, but what I do know is that what happened to me yesterday is not an isolated incident, and I’m not the only one who has noticed an erosion of etiquette in our society.

Please, share your own experiences or opinions on this subject.  I’m curious to know what you think.

General Posts

Tuesday Afternoon Ramblings

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I’ve told this story hundreds if not thousands of times, but one of the most important lessons I ever learned in life came my freshman year of high school.  I played defensive end on a 5-3 defense, which would be fairly close to the equivalent to the OLB on a modern 3-4.  During a scrimmage with Knox Carter, I missed a tackle because I half-assed got into the backfield and didn’t set a solid edge.  Then, to compound matters, I dove at the running back as he sprinted by me and lay on the ground, feeling sorry for myself for not making the play.  As I lay there, I heard Coach Brumley Greene come charging onto the field.

He grabbed my facemask, lifted me from the ground, and got in my face.  For the next two minutes, he proceeded to berate me for my pathetic effort on the play.  As he yelled and shook my facemask, spit flew from his mouth onto my glasses, cheeks, and lips.  He let me know without question that I, and I alone, was the only person responsible for the effort I gave.  This incident occurred in front of at least 100 people, most of them my age, and at the tender age of 13, I was mortified by the embarrassment.  As soon as Coach Greene finished humiliating me, he turned to the other team’s coach and ordered him to run the same play.  “Yes, sir,” was the only response.

On my second attempt, I nearly killed the poor ball carrier, and even before I could get to my feet, here came Coach Greene.  Again, he grabbed my facemask and sprayed me with spittle, but this time it was in congratulations.  Even at 13, I got it.  My effort was the only difference in the two plays, and despite the humiliation, or maybe more accurately because of it, I learned in that moment the importance of giving my all.  To this day, I cherish Coach Greene for teaching me that so early in life.

Today, however, he would be fired the moment he touched me.  The spit alone would be grounds for a lawsuit, and that, I wholeheartedly believe, is the crux of where we’ve strayed as a nation.  In a misguided attempt to protect young people’s feelings, we have robbed educators of some the most powerful teaching weapons in the arsenal.  Humiliation, shame, and fear are mighty motivators, and some of the best life lessons we learn have to bruise our feelings to leave a lasting impression.  From my own experience I can attest, the humiliation faded rather quickly, but the lesson has lasted my entire life.  Thank you, Coach Greene, for caring enough to teach me that lesson.