Tag Archives: inspiration

Cultural Rebellion

My extreme disdain for Beat culture goes far beyond the obvious lack of talent in most of the work.  No, I truly detest the rebellious course proposed by most Beat artists.  Don’t misunderstand; I’m all for cultural rebellion.  I’ve spent the better part of my life refusing to assimilate into the cultural norms before me, but Beat culture has turned rebellion for many aspiring young artists into a process of self-destruction that simply leads to addictions, poverty, homelessness, and sometimes even death.

Beat writers such as Kerouac, Bukowski, and Ginsberg glorified and glamorized lifestyles at the lowest end of the economic scale.  In their writings, you can easily find passages in which these writers lambaste the middle-class; denounce money, ridicule employment within the establishment; uphold living as a hobo; and acclaim the wondrous benefits of narcotics.  I understand well enough that these writers came out of the Fifties, a paranoid and stuffy period, and that their version of rebellion arose from the need to break free from repression, but that fact does not excuse these people, who mostly came from affluent middle-class backgrounds, for a distorted message.  Granted, their intentions may have been good, but in this case, the road to ruin is indeed paved with those intentions.

There are problems within America’s middle-class, problems which have existed for the better part of a century.  Money and the pursuit of obtaining it can blind many people to the important things in life: love, family, and morality.  Suburban life has evolved into a bland, cookie-cutter landscape in which glitz and flash have replaced quality.  This insular existence began as an escape from ethnic diversity within urban areas and has become a form of rigid social stratification, a way of isolating the well-to-do and their tax-base from the undesirables of the inner-city.  As a result of taxes being taken out of the metropolitan areas, serious cultural erosion has gripped many urban environments.  For example, in Memphis where I went to college and had the opportunity to teach, the most affluent suburb is Germantown, and its high school is a model for academic and athletic success.  However, within the city limits of Memphis, it was not uncommon to find schools without air conditioning, never mind something as elaborate as a computer.  While the inner-city suffers, the suburbs thrive in pseudo-isolation.  I say pseudo because the suburbs couldn’t exist without the industrial and commercial centers of the city itself.

These problems with middle-class ideals are very real and deserve attention, but the problems of being poor in a capitalist society are, I believe, much more pronounced and dangerous.  When a person is poor, mere survival becomes a challenge because everything requires currency.  Even the homeless must pay money for food and clothing, unless they happen to find or steal these necessities.  As most people know, the real paradox of capitalism is that it takes money to make money.  As money for clothing and grooming decreases, opportunities to find gainful employment also decrease.  As employment opportunities decrease, frustration and depression increase, which lead to more and more problems.  Thus, the simple, often taken for granted act of survival becomes a challenge.

Among the lower classes, drugs, alcohol, violence, sex, and unwanted pregnancies are epidemics.  Literacy, mathematical ability, and other basic educational necessities are not considered as important as toughness, strength, and bravado.  Growing up in an impoverished, rural community in the Appalachian Mountains, I often heard people say that book learning and school were wastes of time.  In Memphis, those sentiments were echoed by many of the poor I met.  As an educator and a writer, I can’t describe my frustration at seeing friends, family, and neighbors reject education and literacy.  The result of this rejection is an embracing of lowbrow culture such as professional wrestling and talk shows like The Jerry Springer Show.  These forms of entertainment glamorize violence, sexual perversion, and ignorance.  It could be argued that lowbrow culture is merely a mirror of society, but as the “art” forms continue to glamorize the problems, people within the lower classes gain a sense of vindication at having these problems.  If people on TV are like this, it must be okay for me to be like this too.  The problems compound because they are no longer viewed as problems at all.

In their rawest forms, the Beats would have you believe that this lifestyle should be an aspiration.

Cultural rebellion is a natural part of the human psyche.  Without it, we have no progress.  Without it, we are still scavengers at the water-hole picking flesh from the kills of predators.  Without it, we do not land a probe on Mars.  We as a species are driven by a desire to change things, to make things better than they were, and that desire is the crux of cultural rebellion.  Rebellion of any kind should come from a need to improve conditions, but the rebellion proposed by the Beats does not lead to a better way of living or a better way of viewing the world.  In this way, it cannot truly be called a rebellion at all.  It should be viewed as a disenfranchising and debilitating pestilence on society.

In our society, this culture of money and greed and affluence and immoral behavior, a true rebel should strive for something truly rebellious.  Anyone who claims to be rebellious should not strive to descend the socioeconomic ladder.  No, a rebel should simply strive to be a decent person, someone who is nice and kind and considerate to everyone he or she meets.  This attitude would shock the hell out of people.  This behavior would indeed be viewed as bizarre.

In my youth, I watched friends who thought themselves to be rebels willingly place the modern-day shackles of lower-class life on themselves.  We were born poor, and they in their rebellions quit school, partied, worked menial jobs, and lived in slums, permanently arresting themselves in the lifestyle they thought they were rebelling against.  I say that a true rebel in the lower classes is the person who does not use alcohol or drugs, refuses to be left out of education, abstains from sex until after having a career.  Those people are the ones who are truly not doing what they are supposed to be doing.

In the middle-class, I say that a cultural rebel is not the person who rejects the establishment and aspires to be poor.  Rather, these true rebels are the people who embrace substance over image.  These people reject the insular suburbs and reach out to the inner-city, trying to improve the lives around them instead of making their lawns the greenest in the cul-de-sac.

The Beats argue that the way to improve the middle-class is to reject it and become poor, but there is nothing virtuous and compelling in becoming disenfranchised.  Poverty breeds problems that are powerful and crippling to the soul.  Depression hangs on the lower classes like smog to an airport.  Addictions destroy families in any class, but in the lower classes, the addictions I have witnessed become amplified by depression, a lack of money to support the addictions, and the basic need to survive.  Cultural rebels should not embrace this lifestyle as something grandiose and beautiful.  Cultural rebels should be truly rebellious.  They should spend their lives trying to do what very few people in this country strive for anymore and that is to improve other people’s lives, not their own, because rebellion has never been anything except an attempt to make the world and the human existence better.

Thursday Morning Ramblings

I am who I am.  I can’t pretend to be anything or anyone else.  My friends are the people who accept me and embrace me as is.  They are the ones who deserve my attention.  The people who think there is something odd about me or who find my quirkiness bothersome aren’t worth my time and energy.  They are the ones missing out because I’m a pretty decent person.  I’m far from perfect and have never once claimed to be without faults, but I am certain my good points far outweigh the bad.

For one, I’m kind.  I make every attempt to treat people with respect and dignity, even some who don’t deserve it.  I try never to say mean-spirited or hurtful things to or about people.  That’s not to say I’ve never hurt anybody’s feelings; I just don’t do it purposefully.  The older I get the more I realize that kindness is a rare commodity in this world.  Many, many people are just plain mean.  Others are just inconsiderate.  Those of us who make a conscious effort to treat others kindly are few and far between, and often that kindness is mistaken for weakness, but I am far from weak.

I’ve been through some difficult trials the last three years, some very long, very bleak stretches of time where I thought my entire world was imploding.  I have seen other people collapse from the same pressures, but I have managed to keep myself somewhat sane and mostly productive.  In the last three years, I’ve gotten my second book into print and completed the rough draft of the third.  I’ve traveled the Southeast to promote at various conventions and festivals.  I’ve worked hard for the college and my students, and I’ve begun development of the farm.  To accomplish these things, I had to dig deep inside myself and find strength I didn’t even know I had.  If you misinterpret my kindness for weakness, you are sadly mistaken.

I’m also funny.  Yes, my sense of humor is a bit odd, and I find humor in moments and events that others don’t, but I’ve learned about myself over the years that I can make most people laugh most of the time.  This is a good skill to have, and it has served me well in every facet of my life.

I’m a 37 year old divorced man who is a little overweight, underpaid in his career, and not yet discovered as a novelist.  I may never find that success, either.  I have a temper, can be a slob, and am way way way too sensitive.  I’m goofy, awkward, sometimes inept, and often out of step.  I have plenty more faults I could divulge, but I’ll save those for another day.  Despite my many blemishes, I’m still a pretty good person, and the people who see me and accept me for who I am are the only ones whose opinions I give a damn about.

www.thirdaxe.com

Remembering Kurt Cobain

Remembering Kurt Cobain

I was on a blind date when I first heard the news.  We were in a Cajun restaurant in Memphis, eating peel and eat shrimp and trying to break the ice.  Over Debbie’s shoulder on the Television that was tuned to MTV, I saw the words: “Kurt Cobain Found Dead”.  I was astonished and told my date what I had just seen.  At first, she thought that I was pulling some weird joke, a lame attempt to shock her, but unfortunately for everyone who loved his music, Kurt Cobain was gone.

I recently found a copy of Nirvana’s Unplugged album.  I hadn’t listened to them in several years and had, quite honestly, forgotten just how much they had influenced me as a high school and college student.  Now, I do not purport to speak for my generation.  First of all, I’m not famous and don’t have a faithful following of people who agree with every word I utter; it would be pompous and pretentious of me to believe that I speak for anyone but myself.  Second, my generation and this country are so fragmented and divided, there is absolutely no way that one person could adequately represent all of our views and beliefs.  However, I do believe that on April 5, 1994, my generation lost one of its most powerful voices.

Kurt Cobain spoke to me like very few artists have.  In short, only the novelist Harry Crews and musician Chris Whitley have made me feel quite so connected to something worthwhile.  When I listened to Cobain’s lyrics – the ones I could understand and decipher – I knew that someone else in the world felt the same as I did.  He despaired for humanity’s condition, mocked stupidity, loathed cruelty, and longed for a better world.  His vision was at the same time immensely depressed and wondrously beautiful.  His voice was weak, limited in range, and chaotic but also voluminous, melodic, and controlled.  He was an enigmatic paradox who dared us to make sense of him.

I cannot believe that sixteen years have passed since he died.  Since then, I have matured quite a bit, I think, and no longer view the world in the right-or-wrong, good-or-bad, simplistic views of adolescence.  The world is much too complex, too full of compromise and shades of gray for anything to be as simple as right or wrong, and in these years, I’ve learned that Kurt Cobain understood too much about life too early.  Perhaps, his knowledge of the world and his hard-earned wisdom are what led to his early death.  Perhaps, drugs just suck.  I don’t know.  But I wish Kurt Cobain was still alive and making music.

A friend used to argue that Cobain was not passionate, that he was so distraught and depressed and horrified by the world all he could do was mumble.  I didn’t agree with her then and, after listening again to the Unplugged album, still don’t now.  While many of his lyrics were mumbled, his music contained both passion and some sense of hope, and the mumbling was a convention used to make us listen more closely, make us tune in to the music more than just casually.  He had the level of genius to do something like that.

Nirvana reached an immense audience, touched more people from more backgrounds than any other band I can remember.  I’ve known high school dropouts, graduate students, jocks, nerds, revolutionaries, fraternity boys, lesbians, gay men, good old boys, urbanites, and suburbanites who all loved them.  Their music may have come from a Punk, underground scene and may have been born from antisocial sentiments, but it certainly became much more.  For those of us who watched it live, the performance on Unplugged was a profound event.  We didn’t have many cultural/social/spiritual events in the 80’s and 90’s, and there are even fewer today.  On December 14, 1993, I was moved deeply by the performance, and even now, seventeen years later, I still get goosebumps when I hear tracks from that set.

I’ve always believed that a sign of greatness is when people have to have an extreme feeling about somebody, either good or bad, and Cobain fit this criterion nicely.   Those who loved him and his music revered him.  A writer friend of mine believed he was our generation’s prophet.  The people who dislike his music despise it passionately.  One heavy-metal musician said that he believed Nirvana should have won a new award for “Least Talented Band To Sell The Most Albums.” Other friends of mine hold similar views about Cobain and Nirvana, but one fact remains true: they all feel an extreme emotion about the music.  Mediocrity usually doesn’t breed this level of passion.

It’s tragic that Kurt Cobain left us so early.  Even if his music hadn’t continued to evolve, it would have been nice to see if his angst could have grown into spiritual serenity.  If he had retired young, it would have been nice to have seen the comeback tour.  Instead, we are left with conspiracy freaks with websites about “The Murder of Kurt Cobain,” a plethora of copycat artists with music that doesn’t quite measure up, but also a legacy of music that will hopefully remind my generation of how we used to view the world when we were young enough to see things as right or wrong.

My closest friend in college used to say that she believed Kurt Cobain’s death would be remembered as one of the saddest events of our generation.  Since then, Oklahoma City, Columbine, and 9/11 have certainly annihilated that theory, but the spirit of her thought still has merit.  Even in death, Cobain is an icon of our time, a symbol of wasted talent and the bullshit of drugs.  But in his life and in his music, he moved me and many others.  He was a powerful voice in a crowded din, and he was one of my biggest artistic influences.