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Patriotic Ramblings

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Dear Mr. Bin Laden:

I’m not sure how much time Satan will give you for Internet surfing during your stay in hell, but on the off-chance that you get the opportunity to read this, I thought I’d drop you a note to express my sentiments as an ordinary American.

We’re not a perfect nation; yes, we have our issues.  We sometimes bicker about trivial issues while major problems fester.  To outsiders, we may seem immoral and unruly because of the opportunity to self-govern, which does at times manifest itself in peculiar fashions.  Yes, we sometimes overvalue materialism and come across as crass and unsophisticated.  Few of us would deny that we are still a work in progress.

But Mr. Bin Laden, you underestimated us as a collective.  While we may bicker amongst ourselves, sometimes viciously, when our way of life is threatened, we will rally together and defend each other to the death.  We are not Democrats and Republicans; we are Americans.  When someone attacks us, we will protect ourselves, and we will pursue our enemies as far as we have to go.  We are not a weak collaboration of backwards tribes cobbled together to resemble a country.  We are the United States of America, the nation that gave birth to democracy for the world, the nation that turned the tide of WWII, and the nation that stared down the Soviet Union without blinking.  We are the nation of nations, the Great Experiment.

On Sept. 11, 2001, you thought we would fear that a coup was occurring and that pandemonium would erupt across the country, but that’s not how we do things here.  We vote.  We decide who leads us, and if those leaders don’t meet our expectations, we kick them out, not with bloodshed and violence, but with the democratic process.  On 9-11, despite the fear and chaos, we didn’t panic and rip apart at the seams.  We came together, rallied around our flag, and vowed to get you.

Yesterday, we made good on that vow.  Despite a political change at the presidency and two shifts of leadership in the House and a plethora of issues dogging our country, we maintained our resolve, just as we told you we would.  Despite our many flaws, we are still the greatest nation this world has ever known, and I still believe that we, the American people, have the ability to solve all of our problems because of our diversity, our self-governance, our determination, and our spirit that comes from the liberties we share.  To some, those words may seem hollow and empty, but for the vast majority of us in this nation, they have real meaning.

We are the land of the free.  We are the beacon of liberty in this world.  You underestimated us, Mr. Bin Laden, but yesterday, you came face to face with the best we have to offer.  Now, enjoy your time in hell.

Sincerely,

D. A. Adams

General Posts

Friday Morning Ramblings

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Writing has always been my best way to make sense of myself and the world around me, so this entry will probably be a very rambling “Rambling.”  It’s no secret that losing my children is probably the deepest wound I carry, and that pain affects me in just about every aspect of my life.  Each time I see my sons, I have to relive that first separation, the day when I dropped them off with my ex-mother-in-law (a woman who still considers me her son and whom I still consider a second mom).  That day is the darkest and most painful moment of my life.  Every atom of every cell in every part of my being was screaming for me not to walk away from my children, and my heart literally felt as if it was going to explode through my sternum it was pounding so hard, despite the fact that I had taken a strong dose of Valium.  A part of my soul died that day, and only other people who have experienced something similar can relate to it.  Every time I have to leave my children now, I relive that day, and it messes me up for some time after.

The difficulty is that I need to see Collin and Finn as often as possible, not just for my well-being, but so that they will know in their hearts that their Daddy loves them and is there for them.  It’s truly a hellish situation, needing to see them but then enduring the separation again.  I try to deal with it, but the pain is like a tidal wave that washes over me and overwhelms everything else.  I wish I could simply choke it down and suppress the feeling, but it’s simply too enormous for that.  The short-term effect is that the way I’ve always dealt with my issues is to retreat into my shell, lick my wounds, and then re-emerge when I feel better.

I’m trying to deal with this issue.  I’ve gone to counseling, meditated about it, begged god to take it away, cried until my pillow was soaked, buried myself in physical labor, written about it, and pondered it a million times, but letting go of that pain and that moment eludes me.  There is not a second of my life that I don’t miss my children.  Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, terrified because I can’t see with my own eyes that they are safe and sound.  Sometimes, I’ll see good parenting out in public, and the sorrow of missing them drowns me.  Sometimes, I’ll see bad parenting and feel even more sorrow.  I try every single day to live my life in the here and now because that is the lesson I learned from my accident, but there is a part of me that is stuck on that day January 5, 2008 when a piece of my soul withered up and died.  I don’t know how to let go of that, but I know without a doubt that if I don’t find a way to move on, I will never be able to live my life fully, and I will never be a whole person capable of loving those around me the way they deserve to be loved.

So that’s my burden I need to resolve.  That’s the splinter in my heart that gnaws from the inside.  I don’t just want to heal from this; I have to, if I ever want to have any hope of finding peace and serenity in my life and of having a balanced, healthy relationship.

General Posts

Friday Morning Ramblings

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About the only time I get them both in one shot.

I’m running down to Jacksonville to see the boys this weekend.  My oldest turned 7 last Monday, and I promised him I would come down there for his birthday.  It’s a grueling trip, and I’ll spend almost as much time on the road as with them, but it’s worth it.  My youngest, Finn, is going through a phase where he doesn’t want to talk on the phone, so I’ve barely had any interaction with him since August.  I need to see him and let him know that Daddy thinks about him every day.  Collin is getting to the age where he remembers from one trip to the next what we do, so when I mentioned that we would be staying in the same hotel, he got excited.

I probably won’t get to post an update until next week, so please remember to help me spread the word about our fundraiser for the farm.  The proceeds come directly to me, and I will use every penny for expenses directly related to renovating the building and installing the first growing unit.  Even if you can’t donate any money yourself, you can help out by posting this on your blog, tweeting it, or sharing it on Facebook.  Please, help us reach our goal of launching the first unit by mid-May.  Thank you for all of your support and encouragement.