There aren’t words to describe how ready I am for this semester to end and for me to focus exclusively on the farm. Mentally, I’m completely exhausted, and emotionally, I’m worn down to a nub. Most of how I feel right now is leftover from last semester. The combination of dual enrollment and overload broke something inside of me and took away the last reserve of teaching energy I had stored away. Then, on top of having been overworked in an inhumane manner, I now sense the weight of this current assault on education pressing down on me as each day I feel as if I have to justify my existence to a nameless, faceless enemy that seeks to dismantle the career for which I’ve sacrificed so much. It’s a sickening sensation, and morale among my colleagues is disturbingly low.
The truly maddening part of our current political climate is that we’re on a collision course with self-destruction. Our nation’s infrastructure has been woefully neglected for decades, and now, instead of fixing the two areas that truly threaten to bankrupt this nation, namely the unchecked inflation in healthcare and energy costs, our “leaders” have set their sights on dismantling that infrastructure even more. We spend $750 billion out of the Federal budget on a healthcare system that is completely disconnected from market realities and true free trade principles, yet instead of finding a solution to that, we’re gonna punish the civil servants, most of whom are already overworked and underpaid and feel like second class citizens. If that’s not madness, what is?
My best hope for the future is the farm. If I can get it productive and on the road to self-sufficiency, then I’ll walk away from the system and never look back. I can honestly say that I did my best to make something of a difference and give something back to my community. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel as if I’ve failed because the values I’ve embraced and the skills I’ve taught now seem antiquated and worthless, especially in our current environment, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel impotent and powerless against the tide of mindless hate that’s ripping our society apart. But I gave all I had to give, and now, my tank is empty. Now, I just want to grow some vegetables and enjoy the woman who loves me and spend as much time as possible with my family. Someone else can worry about literacy and critical thinking and organization of thought. As for me, I’m going to focus on fixing up the building, installing the first unit, and growing fresh food.
Big Owl's Tree 