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Breaking News: Americans Demand Dumber Political Candidates

In a stunning development, American citizens are protesting in the streets, demanding that political parties offer less intelligent, less educated candidates in the 2012 elections.

“It’s simple,” said Joe Workman, organizer and activist for the movement known as STUPID (STart Using Politicians that Is Dumb).  “Our school system is ranked 14th among developed nations and keeps declining, but our leadership still ranks 9th in terms of intelligence and education.  Clearly, our elected officials don’t match the electorate.  We must have dumber, less informed politicians.”

Amazingly, in a showing of bipartisan cooperation, the demands are coming from both Democrat and Republican voters, and protests are being held not only in all major urban districts but also in small towns and rural communities.

“We is tired of them fancy Ivy League pollyticians,” said Cletus McOnetooth, president of the Arkansas Chapter of STUPID.  “Give me simple folk in charge of nuclear war and global economics.”

Predictably, there is also resistance to the movement, especially from highly educated citizens such as Dr. Lottastatz of the Center for Researching Research.

“If our politicians get any less intelligent and less educated, there’s a 99.9% chance that we’ll have a 100% decline in economic productivity,” claims Dr. Lottastatz.  “The research is very clear.”

“That’s simply not true,” counters Dr. Fullofshitz of Fox News.  “Those evil socialist commies want intelligent leaders who can trick the American people into believing that reforming corruption is in their best interests.  His scientific research is biased and tainted by his liberal agenda.”

Intrigued by the healthy debate, I rushed to South Carolina to sit down with my old friend Joseph Cartwright III, conservative talk radio host and blogger, and leader of the Tea Party in the Palmetto Bug State.

“The Democrats have been electing stupid people for years.  Look at Hank Johnson and his capsizing island inquiry.  He matches the average American for lack of intelligence. Not to mention Gray Davis.  He was really the trendsetter in this dumbing down movement.

“But the Democrats have nothing on us.  We in the Tea Party have been doing our part to help this trend for a couple of years, now.  I mean, look at Sarah Palin.  You have to admit, you can’t get much dumber and less informed than her.

“And Sue Lowden.  She’s so uneducated she suggested trading chickens for healthcare.  If that’s not dumb enough for the American public, what is?

“And of course, our coup-de-gras, Christine O’Donnell.  You find me a politician with less intelligence than that woman, and I’ll show you someone in a vegetative state.”

General Posts

Saturday Evening Ramblings

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I’ve been thinking about our culture and some of the obstacles we face for the future, and one thing that strikes me is our rabid need for the next big thing.  It permeates every facet of every part of our society.  Movie studios are striving for the next Star Wars.  The music industry is still trying to replicate the successes of  Elvis and The Beatles.  Video games are always about the next hot game.  Sports are always over-hyping young athletes well before they’ve earned the accolades and then lambasting them when they don’t live up to expectations.  When the focus is always on the next thing and then the next and then the next, what becomes lost is the past and the lessons it can teach.  Obviously the purpose of this is to sell things–tickets, products, magazines, advertising, but am I alone in feeling like this system is simply unsustainable?

Hollywood has been bankrupt of ideas for years and is left recycling scripts and franchises.  The music industry sucks and has for quite a while.  Mainstream music is more about style and image than music.  Video games haven’t hit the wall yet, but give it time.  Both MLB and the NBA have been in decline for a couple of decades because the leagues focus more on their major markets than on overall competition.  And there is a serious disconnect between the upcoming generation and anything related to the past.  My nieces had no idea who Willie Nelson is, and one of them likes country music.  My girlfriend’s son had never heard of Ronnie Lott, yet he aspires to play defensive back.  I could cite many more examples of this disconnect, but you get the point.

I’m not saying we should live in the past solely.  That would be just as foolish and would resemble the Classic Rock stations that have been playing the same fifty songs for thirty years.  What I do believe is that if we as a nation are ever to get back to anything resembling quality, we need to stop seeking the next big thing and find some balance between attachment to the past and movement to the future.  We achieve this by celebrating the greatness that has come before as much as we hype the new.  Whatever we do, we have to find a way to connect this generation to reality more so than they are now.  Otherwise, we aren’t going to have a culture to worry about.

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General Posts

Friday Afternoon Ramblings

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The idea was born nine years ago.  For an entire year, I ruminated over it, contemplating characters, developing the landscape, outlining the plot structure, but I didn’t pursue writing the manuscript.  I was too scared.  Graduate school had deflated me and nearly crushed my creative spirit, so I just let it live in my head, content to have it as my hobby.  Then, I saw my firstborn son’s heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time, and a part of me woke up that I never knew existed.  This new man inside of me knocked aside fear, stood up to the graduate school bullies, and spoke from the very core of my being: You are a writer. Go write.

I listened to this new part of me and started The Brotherhood of Dwarves.  From the outset, I knew the story from beginning to end, not every detail, of course, more like the frame of a building before the bricks and drywall and trim, and I knew there would be at least five books.  Despite having not written in three years, I regained my discipline and wrote five and six days a week, hitting my page goal every day.  The more I wrote, the better it felt and the stronger my voice became.  I make no apologies for the first couple of chapters and cannot bring myself to give them a complete rewrite because of what they represent to me, my rebirth as a man and a writer.

I may never find real commercial success as a novelist.  I’ve accepted that fact.  While money would be nice and definitely wouldn’t be turned away, it’s not why I started writing in the first place.  I write because it’s who I am, who I’ve always been.  I chose to self-publish because I wanted people to read my work–I needed an audience to complete the story–and at that moment in history, the publishing industry was in a terrible state.  Since the economic downturn, it’s now a little worse.  I am proud of my decision and the risks I took.  Sure, I wish I had done things differently, and I’ve learned a tremendous amount in the last six years.  If I had it to do over again, I would in a heartbeat.

This morning on my way to work, I was overwhelmed with the need to complete this series.  The sensation filled me up and gave me a feeling that I can best describe as a bit of mania.  I saw the last two books before me, their plots stretching out to the end of the series, and excitement overtook me.  I’m a writer, and writers write, so as soon as book three is polished and ready to go, I will find a way to start on book four.  Even if there is never any economic success from this series, I will write it and bring it to market because that is who I am.  I’m a writer.