Category Archives: For Collin and Finn

Things I want my sons to know about me.

For Collin and Finn

Friday Morning Ramblings

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Dear sons, I want you to know what an amazing, beautiful place this world can be.  Of course, there are difficulties and adversities to overcome, but there are also triumphs and splendors to relish.  I want both of you to search for and see the beauty on this earth because life truly is what you make of it.  If you wallow in the negative and allow the bad people to engulf you, your life will be miserable, but if you accept the bad as opportunities to learn and grow, then you can appreciate the good.  Simply put, your life on this earth can be either heaven or hell, and the only thing that determines which is your attitude.

That’s not to say the hard times and bad people can’t be challenging.  There will come moments in your life when you feel hopeless.  There are obstacles that will seem insurmountable.  There are pains that feel overwhelming.  But even the worst storms of my life have eventually passed, and once they have gone, I’ve come out the other side a better man, not because there is anything special about me but because I’ve allowed myself to learn and mature.  Sitting here at 39 and looking at my life, I can honestly say that today I understand the importance of how my attitude and perspective shape the way I respond to both the good and bad.

For you boys, I hope you learn this early and follow it throughout your lives.  You will be much happier and healthier if you live with a positive attitude.  Life has a way of giving back to you what you send out, and the people who are the most miserable, in my experience, are the people who wallow in self-pity and look for someone or something to blame and never learn to accept their own part in their failures.  On the other hand, the happiest are those who take responsibility for their own lives, learn from their mistakes, and forgive the people who have wronged them.  That’s the kind of person I want you both to grow into.

The best advice I can give you for achieving this end is to find pleasure in and appreciate the mundane.  Notice and relish as many sunrises and sunsets as you can, for each is unique and spectacular.  Notice the beauty and sophistication of nature, for even the simplest blade of grass is a miracle of complexity.  Respect and appreciate the fragility of life, all life, for death is the one bond we all share, from the simplest bacteria to the most complex person.  If you’ll wake each day aware of these simple things and appreciate each day as a new opportunity to have a positive impact on the world, you will be much happier, and my wish for both of you is to find your happiness and live your lives growing into the best of who you are.

For Collin and Finn

Friday Morning Ramblings

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Dear sons, one of my hopes for you is that you learn to be self-sufficient.  There’s a freedom to knowing how to do things for yourself that’s invaluable.  Not needing someone else to wash and iron your clothes or tend your yard or patch your roof or cook your meals allows you to stand on your own and not be dependent on anyone.  I hope you learn all of the essential skills and grow into the kinds of men who don’t need a woman to survive and who don’t have to call a contractor every time a faucet starts dripping.  You will be much happier men if you develop these skills.

I’m fortunate that your great-grandfather and papaw taught me how to do the basics of most things.  I’m fortunate that I learned to cook and do laundry while in college.  There aren’t many things I can’t do for myself, and I feel confident that even if I don’t know how to do something, I can figure it out with a little trial and error.  Part of learning self-sufficiency is not fearing making mistakes.  We learn the most when we try something, fail, and then try again.  If you want to grow into strong, independent men, set aside the fear of failure and try to do things for yourselves.

Even though this hasn’t worked out for me yet, I also believe that having self-sufficiency will make you a better partner for whomever you end up with.  When you can help out with the dishes as well as mow the yard, you can share more of the daily chores that make life a grind.  Sharing the load goes a long way to reducing stress in a relationship and makes you more equal as partners.  Also, if you can do for yourself, you are less likely to end up trapped in a bad situation because you have the confidence that you can survive on your own.

So sons, learn as many skills as you can.  As you grow, I’ll try to teach you some of what I’ve learned, but the most important skill I hope you cultivate is to teach yourself how to learn new things.  If you can do this, you’ll learn independence, and with independence comes freedom.  One of my great hopes for both of you is that you never feel dependent on anyone for anything.  I love you, boys, and can’t wait to see you in a couple of months.

For Collin and Finn

Friday Morning Ramblings

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A pic from one of our first weeks together.

Dear sons, one day, I hope you’ll look back at these posts and know what a profound impact you had on my life.  Even though I was 31 when Collin was born, I didn’t really become a man until that day, and being your father has been the most important role of my existence.  None of the professional accomplishments measure up to the satisfaction of those times I’ve gotten to keep you guys for a week or two at a time.  To this day, my proudest achievement is the first time I kept you boys alone for that 11 or 12 day stretch, feeding you every meal, bathing you each night, and getting you to sleep.  Collin, you were 4, and Finn, you were not yet 2.  Being able to care for you by myself and keeping you safe and healthy for that long made me feel better about myself as a person than anything before or since.

Life without you hasn’t always been easy.  When you are in Florida and we have months to go before we’ll see each other again, I miss you more than words could ever express, but all I have to do is think about the times we’ve spent together, and I smile.  There’s a moment with each trip after we’ve endured the long drive and gotten settled at home, when you boys start running around and playing with all of the toys you haven’t seen in months.  At some point, you both start laughing, and that sound soothes and heals me more than anything.  On my hardest days, the memories of your laughter get me through the darkest moments.

My only real regret in life is that I’m not able to have you guys more often or for longer periods.  So far, circumstances have prevented that from being a realistic possibility, and while I love talking to you on the phone, it isn’t a good enough substitute for holding you, hugging you, and seeing you with my own eyes.  My biggest goal in life is to have more time together, and I promise that I’m working as hard as I can to make that a reality.  Please, don’t ever think, even for a moment, that I don’t want to spend more time with you because there is not one second of my life that I don’t miss you boys and wish we were together.  One day, you’ll be old enough to understand the logistics of making even one trip happen, but until that day, I hope you know in your hearts that Daddy would trade everything for more time with you.

I love you guys and can’t wait to see you again.