So I’m sitting here contemplating my past and the mistakes I’ve made, especially for the last year, and I realize that I truly am my own worst enemy.  One of my best and worst characteristics is that I look for the best in people.  I see potential.  It’s probably part of being a teacher, but I often see what people can become if given the right environment and the right encouragement.  That’s sounds noble and idealistic, but it often hinders me from seeing the reality of what a person really is.

It’s the reason I remain in terrible, unfulfilling  relationships.  I see the potential of what could be if we just work on things a little more, and I usually ignore the reality that this person and this relationship are not working as they should.  Instead of seeing the shortcomings and flaws, I see the potential and the good.  It may sound like a good thing, but after this last year, I see that it is a real problem for me.

This is part of the reason I think I’m just not built for a real long-term relationship.  My judgment gets clouded, and I get too focused on the potential and not on the reality.  I really believe that I’m better off developing good friendships and staying out of anything serious.

www.thirdaxe.com

My website has been evolving for several years, now, and it’s finally getting close to what I had originally wanted.  My good friend and fabulous artist, Rob Brown, has done a couple of marvelous graphics for the site, and they really make it crackle.  I’m very grateful to him for all he’s done.  He’s also finishing up work on a new poster for me that is just amazing.  The detail in it is unreal.

I still need to drive more traffic to the site, but it’s slowly but surely coming along.  I’m glad I held out for the right artist instead of settling for someone whose work didn’t capture my vision.  It’s good to have someone on the same wavelength as I am to help give a visual representation of the books.  Thanks, Rob!

To see the update, please visit the site:

www.thirdaxe.com

I’m up to chapter five on book three, and I’ve hit one of those plot points where I’m discovering what is going to happen as I write it.  For me, this is both good and bad.  The good is that it makes the work exciting.  That process of discovery is one of my favorite aspects of writing a novel.  The bad is that each night when I sit down to write at a point like this where I truly don’t know what is going to happen, I get filled with anxiety that maybe this will be the night when the well has run dry.  I am confident enough in my process that I believe the story will unfold as it should and that I will find the right words and the right rhythm and the right pacing, but the anxiety is still there each night.

Chapter four was a different story, pardon the pun.  I knew what was going to happen from beginning to end.  There was a little discovery of details, but I knew the basic plot, so each night when I sat down and started my process, there was very little anxiety.  All I had to do was sit down and concentrate on where I was in the chapter, where each scene needs to end, and what details needed to be focused on.  It’s not as exciting, but it’s a lot less stressful.

So that’s a little about my writing process.  Later tonight, if you have some insomnia, remember to come back and read this post.  You’ll be in dreamland in no time.

www.thirdaxe.com