I’ve been getting a lot of hate mail from liberals lately, claiming I’m not mocking them with the same enthusiasm and joy as conservatives, and as much as I’d like to keep my blog “fair and balanced” so to speak, I just can’t think of anything really funny to write about liberals right now. I started a piece about taking a vegan bass fishing, and while it had potential, it just didn’t have the same pop as Cletus McOnetooth.
I’m not sure why that is. There’s plenty of irrationality on the left, and there’s just as many nut jobs who deserve ridicule, but Fox News and Rush spend so much time painting everyone not far right as liberal, they’ve taken the steam out of mocking the far left.
Also, mocking the right is so much damn fun. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve learned from Tea Party “We’re not Racist, We Just Don’t Like Blacks, Jews, Queers, Hispanics, and Ay-rabs” Members that it takes nine full years for a presidential policy to affect the economy, so that everything happening now is because of W. Everything in the 90’s was because of Sr. and everything in the 80’s was because of Jimmy Carter. Exquisite logic. I’ve also learned that according to the news, the stock market fluctuates so no one really knows if the number is higher today than a year and a half ago because no one keeps records on those kinds of things. Plus, all the jobs being created right now are census jobs. Companies aren’t really hiring yet. Maybe we should do a census every year if it provides that many jobs.
I’ve also learned that Tea Party “Non-Racists” support providing more health coverage for children, increasing coverage for Medicare/Medicaid, lowering prescription drug costs, and lowering costs for important diagnostic tests for elderly. In effect, they support healthcare reform, they just don’t support the president who is pushing those provisions because Fox News draped those provisions in inflammatory rhetoric.
I also learned that 20% = 51% because despite the entire federal budget only equaling 20% of the GDP, the government now controls 51% of the entire US economy. And even though W. inherited a balanced budget with a surplus and then proceeded to run up record deficits for eight years because of zero fiscal responsibility, the entire current deficit is Obama’s fault because he tripled the deficit from 10 trillion to 14 trillion. I’m an English guy and not great with numbers, but even I suspect that math is a little fuzzy.
So until liberals give me some good grist for the mill, I’m gonna have to keep picking on the poor, helpless, tormented conservatives.