I’m an entertainer, not an intellectual, so I don’t pretend to know more about the world or society or the future than other people. Anyone who claims to know the future is either a fool or a con artist, and in my opinion, the same can be said for anyone who “knows” god’s plan. Once upon a time, I believed myself to be a highly spiritual person and, in my arrogance, I’m sure I believed that I had more figured out than most.
Then, life kicked my ass.
One of the most humbling experiences of my life was a year ago on Christmas morning. For anyone who doesn’t know already, that was the first anniversary of the day my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce. I woke up alone to complete silence. Those of you with children, try to imagine it. It’s a silence with its own gravitational pull. I challenge you to experience that and then try to feel like you have more figured out than anyone. It brought everything in my life into sharp focus, and it put my ego in check.
If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you’ve noticed that I battle depression pretty regularly, and in a lot of ways, I’ve lost my spiritual faith. Most days, the world seems cold and vicious, a rolling speck of dust in the black vacuum of space. There’s little justice to be found and even less fairness, and what mercy exists is finite and fleeting. I never thought my consciousness would transform into this state, but it’s where I find myself at the beginning of 2010.
When people meet me, they generally describe me as nice or kind, and in a lot of ways, I guess I am a kind-hearted person. I’m glad that despite everything that’s happened, I’ve managed to retain that facet of my personality. I like treating others with respect and dignity, even if we are on a speck of dust hurtling through the void. Compassion and kindness are two of our greatest traits as humans, and if more people cultivated them, we could have a better world.
I guess that’s all for tonight. www.thirdaxe.com
One thought on “Monday Evening Ramblings”
Alex….yes I’ve been in yours shoes…a very desolate lonely feeling you will not find. My first husband left a few weeks before 9/11. I thought the world was coming to a terrible end…and I was experiencing it all alone. I hear what you are saying about spiritual…and if it will not offend (I don’t mean to offend you…my heart is reaching) may I pray for you? God has filled my heart, most days with contentment and somedays simply joy…can I pray that for you. Your new friend, Debbie