Tag Archives: writing

For Collin and Finn

Wednesday Night Ramblings

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boys
Dear sons, since you’ve gone back to Florida, I’ve missed you desperately.  When you’re here, I feel whole and alive and happy.  When you’re gone, there’s an emptiness in my heart nothing can fill.  I don’t know why you haven’t been calling me as much as you used to, but I miss talking to you and hearing about your days.  You’re both growing up so fast, and I want to share as much time as I can with you.  You’re my guys, and I love you both more than you can imagine right now.

I’m exhausted from working on this book.  It has taken nearly everything out of me to write it this summer, but I’m almost finished.  One day, if you read my books, I hope you’ll both know that I wrote them for you, to give you something of me that you could cherish and remember and pass on to your children and grandchildren.  You both are my inspiration and motivation, and even though we aren’t together as much as I’d like, I hope one day you’ll find joy in reading this series.

It’s almost time for me to write tonight, and both of you are probably sound asleep right now.  I wish with all my heart I could pop my head in your room, watch you sleep for a few minutes, and kiss your foreheads.  There’s not much harder for parents than to be separated from their children, and for me nighttime is the worst.  While I’m writing, I hope both of you are enjoying happy dreams and resting comfortably.  Please, know that I’m always thinking about you and missing you.  Hopefully, I will see you again soon, and hopefully, we will talk tomorrow.

General Posts

Late Night Ramblings

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I’m having one of those “it’s hard not to be bitter” nights.  I’ve been working at this craft since I was 17.  I’ve spent countless hours honing my voice and learning how to pace a scene.  I’m damned proud of each of the books I’ve written, despite their flaws, because I know with each one I poured all of my passion for this craft into them. The first three of the series were written under conditions that were as big of obstacles to creativity as I can imagine, yet somehow I persevered and managed to create three pretty good books.  Despite the quality of my writing, I still feel mired in the muck of obscurity.

Part of what makes me bitter is that piles of horse dung like Twilight make millions, while many writers like myself kill ourselves at day jobs, hoping for a break.  It’s hard not to be bitter.  I’ve worked my ass off this summer to finish book four before school starts back because once the semester begins, I’ll be so overwhelmed with bullshit I won’t have the creative energy to write much new prose.  Night in and night out, I’ve hammered out scene after scene, believing this book is even better than the first three.  Only time will tell if I’m right.

Another aspect of the creeping bitterness is social media.  In this age, it’s absolutely essential to have a social media presence just to be noticed, but everywhere is so inundated with crap, from stupid cat memes to political diatribes to gossip that it’s hard to be heard among the din.  Then, there’s the clusterfuck known as Twitter.  I’m sorry, but I hate Twitter.  It’s just endless noise, barely recognizable as English, and try as I might, I can’t make any sense out of it.

At this point, I feel like the line from “Slow Rollin Low” — “Ain’t that just like a fool / Want to ride on them trains / When them trains is all gone.”  I’m a dinosaur, an antiquated relic.  I feel like all of my hard work has been for nothing.  Usually, what sells in high volumes are the bubblegum shit like Twilight or the smut porn like Fifty Shades of Gray.  It’s hard to sit here and not be bitter when I feel like my talent has been wasted.  And please, before anyone comments about how I’ve touched lives, consider that a whole mountain of good feelings doesn’t pay the electric bill or buy a bag of groceries.  I don’t need wealth, but I do need to make a living at this.  Otherwise, it just seems self-indulgent.

General Posts

Wednesday Morning Ramblings

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I don’t know if other writers experience this, but as I’m moving into the final section of my fifth manuscript (book four of the Brotherhood series), I find that as I near completion of each rough draft, I become completely consumed by the book.  All of my thoughts and feelings become centered around finishing the work, and everything else in my life becomes peripheral.  It’s not a healthy feeling, either, and is probably the one thing about writing I dislike.  I want to hear from my writer friends on this.  Do you experience this same tunnel vision phenomenon, or am I just a freak?

Over the last week, I’ve gotten to write two scenes that have been in my head for several years.  It’s an odd sensation to finally complete something that I’ve carried for so long.  While I’m glad to be reaching this point of the series, I’m also a little sad to be done with those scenes.  It’s somewhat like saying goodbye to an old friend who you know you won’t see again.  Still, I’m grateful to have reached this point.  There have been many times when I doubted I would, so I’ll say goodbye to those scenes and move on to the next.

Overall, I’m pretty happy with the rough draft.  It needs a lot of polishing and shaping, but the overall story feels pretty intense to me, and I think a couple of the twists will please most of my readers.  There are still about four and a half chapters to write, and little time to write them before school starts back, but I feel confident that I can get it done.  Others things in my life may suffer somewhat, but I want to make this deadline more than I can express in words.  Books two and three went through so many delays that I need to get this one out on time just to feel that sense of accomplishment, so my apologies if I don’t write too many blog entries over the next few weeks.  For those of you who read my books, I feel confident that it will be worth it.