Tag Archives: ramblings

Monday Morning Ramblings


It’s grading cycle time again, so my brain is complete mush.  I have several blog entries I want to write but simply don’t have the attention or brain power to compose them right now.  I’ll finish up this cycle mid-week, so hopefully by Thursday or Friday, I’ll be able to write a real entry.  Until then, I hope everyone has a great week.  Now, I need to dive back into this stack of essays and try to provide meaningful insight into my students’ wonderfully thought through, carefully planned essays that they completed a full week before the due date.  Mostly, though, I’ll just write “Clunky” over and over on sentences I don’t like.

I love my job.  I love my job.  I love my job.  I love my job  I love my job IlovemyjobIlovemyjob…

Harry Crews Ramblings


I was 19 or 20 when I met Harry Crews.  I was a junior at Memphis and a member of the Honor’s Program in the English Department.  Gordan Osing, a poetry professor, wanted to organize an interview with Crews, who was there as part of the River City Writers series, and the decision was made to find volunteers among the Honors students to each read at least one of his novels and then develop 3-4 questions for the interview.  I had never heard of Harry Crews and knew nothing about him, but the picture above was the promotional photo for the River City poster, so as a young, aspiring writer, I figured he looked like someone I would dig.

The book I read was Karate is a Thing of the Spirit, and I was blown away by the gut-wrenching grittiness of the narrative.  Because I had no clear understanding of how to interview anyone about anything, the questions I came up with were pretty lame, and I don’t think any of mine made it into the final draft of the interview.  At the time, my feelings were a little hurt, but now I recognize that I was out of my league at that point of my development.  For me, however, the real highlight of that experience was getting to have breakfast with Harry Crews the morning of the interview.

We were supposed to meet him at the campus dining area around 8:30 or 9:00, and when I arrived, he was sitting at one table and talking to two people I didn’t know.  My fellow interviewers were at another table, staring at him with a combination of fear, frustration, and awe on their faces.  I asked what was going on, and they responded that he was already there and talking to the other two people when they arrived, and none of them wanted to interrupt him.  One even admitted to being scared of him.

Maybe I was just young and foolhardy.  Maybe I was driven by my ambition to learn the craft of writing.  Maybe my life experiences up to that point gave me a boldness they lacked, but I walked straight over to him, introduced myself, and explained that we were waiting for him at the other table.  He shook my hand, and even in his late 50’s his grip was like iron.  He explained politely but sternly that he would only join us if his new friends could come with him.  I told him no problem, and the three of them rose from the table.

Back then, I was still in pretty good shape from years of lifting weights and working, and as he stood, he commented to me that I either had good genes or had spent a lot of time in the weight room.  I told him that and chopping wood, and he slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hell, that’s even better, boy.  Me and you’ll get along just fine.”  I thanked him and called him Mr. Crews, but he insisted that I call him Harry.

At the table, the other interviewers barely spoke to him, but he and I talked for nearly the entire hour, covering everything from tobacco farming to lifting weights.  We got pretty in-depth on the subjects of football, steroids, and Lyle Alzado, who had been a friend of his.  He described seeing Alzado shortly before his death, how the once 290 lb slab of muscle had been eaten down to a 150 skeleton by cancer.  There was a look in his eye and a tone in his voice of true sadness as he talked about him.  That conversation is one of the pivotal moments of my life and career, and I hope as age and decay take me that the memory will stay with me until my end.

Growing up in a rural, fairly impoverished area made me feel often like an outcast in college.  Yes, I had intelligence and skill, but more than once I heard classmates utter pejoratives about my hillbilly upbringing.  Few if any of them had been raised in an environment similar to mine, so few of them could relate to me.  Before meeting Harry, I often doubted if I could ever make it as a writer, but during that conversation, I heard a man who spoke a lot like my grandparents and parents, who had been raised a sharecropper, who lifted himself out of poverty far worse than I had ever known to become an internationally renowned novelist.  In short, he was one of my biggest idols.

Those couple of days he spent at the university were the only time I ever got to meet him, but over the years, I’ve read and reread virtually everything he’s ever written.  There are two or three of his newer works I haven’t gotten to yet, but I’ve read most, and his writings have been one of the greatest influences on my writing style.  So I’m hurting that he’s gone, even though he probably wouldn’t have remembered me and even though he had gotten pretty sick there towards the end.  One of my heroes has passed on, and my heart is heavy for him and his family.

Rest in peace, Harry.  You were one hell of a unique man, one hell of a writer, and one hell of an inspiration to this hillbilly.

Harry Crews: June 7, 1934 – March 28, 2012

Education Ramblings


BREAKING NEWS: Local teacher lauded as hero for taking sick day.

After waking up feeling incapable of facing another day lecturing slack-jawed, apathetic students with no thirst for knowledge, Jeffrey Burntout made a heroic decision that has all of education abuzz with praise.  He called in sick and sat on his sofa all day, wearing only his bathrobe and watching “Law and Order” reruns.  Burntout, a high school history teacher, explains his decision candidly:

“Well, if I’d gone to work that day and saw one more student playing on their smart phone instead of listening to my lecture on the Civil War, I might have strangled them right on the spot, so I felt it was best for everyone involved if I just stayed home.  These kids are dumb, really dumb, and they’ve sucked all the joy out of sharing the history of our great nation, a subject I once felt so passionate about.  Now, I contemplate complex murder-suicide plots almost daily.  I just needed a day to myself without grading answers that claim Snoop Dogg convinced Obama to sign the Emancipation Proclamation.”

Burntout has received praise from virtually everyone associated with his school district from the principal to the State Comptroller for Educational Financing.

“It’s really remarkable, what he said,” claims Beanie Counter, the State Comptroller.  “A complex murder-suicide inside the classroom could’ve cost the state millions in litigation, so really, his action of calling in sick is truly admirable.  I personally have nominated him for Teacher of the Year.”

“This is a great day for education,” adds  Dr. Jen Touchyfeely, Professor of Emotional Studies in California.  “Who could calculate the emotional toll a complex murder-suicide would have had on the students, teachers, and administrators who survived the attack?  Burntout is an inspiration to all of us.”

Dr. Lottastatz of the Center for Researching Research also hails Mr. Burntout’s actions as heroic:

“The numbers are quite clear.  99.9% of all teachers today contemplate murder, suicide, or murder-suicide on a daily basis.  The remaining .1% have been on the job for less than a week, so his actions provide hope to all that a day of lounging on the couch can be a healthy outlet for teachers who have to deal with the dumbest generation in American history.  I’m not just speaking in anecdotal terms here, either.  The research shows that without their smart phones and laptops, these kids would get lost in their own bedrooms.”

Even Mr. Burntout’s students condone his actions, as illustrated by Natalie Erehead, class valedictorian and student in Burntout’s AP American History during fourth block.

“Like, really, it was so much easier to text with the sub in the room.  Mr. Burntout knows all our little tricks, so it was a great stress relief for all of us not to have to come up with new ways to hide our phones instead of listening to stories that have nothing to do with Lady GaGa or ‘Jersey Shore.’  I hope…”

At that, her phone buzzed and Erehead’s eyes glazed over as she frantically typed her response to a message about the socks a sophomore had worn that day.

“Can you believe someone wore matching socks on Mismatch Monday?  Stupid sophomores.”

The Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy even supports Mr. Burntout’s sick day.  In a recent press conference, the BEB hails him as the best and brightest of all teachers today, putting the needs of the system above his own desires to strangle a student.  In its statement, the BEB describes how murdered students do not count at the end of the year, so by taking a day off, Mr. Burntout kept the passing ratio above Federal guidelines, thus ensuring funding for his school.

“I don’t feel like a hero,” Burnout says.  “I’m just one of many dedicated teachers trapped in a broken system, but I really enjoyed the ‘Law and Order’ marathon.  They showed some old episodes when Michael Moriarty was still the Assistant DA.  Those are my favorites.  The show was much grittier back then.  If you’ll excuse me, I have a stack of tests to grade, and the BEB gets awfully upset if I don’t accept answers that Snooki led the march for women’s rights.”

With that, I left Mr. Burntout to his work, grateful to know that our nation’s future is in the hands of so many dedicated professionals.

Editor’s Note: the BEB has read and approved this message as a positive portrayal of the All Children Left Behind and Race to a Stop Acts.