Tag Archives: Politics

Friday Afternoon Ramblings

I’ve been getting a lot of hate mail from liberals lately, claiming I’m not mocking them with the same enthusiasm and joy as conservatives, and as much as I’d like to keep my blog “fair and balanced” so to speak, I just can’t think of anything really funny to write about liberals right now.  I started a piece about taking a vegan bass fishing, and while it had potential, it just didn’t have the same pop as Cletus McOnetooth.

I’m not sure why that is.  There’s plenty of irrationality on the left, and there’s just as many nut jobs who deserve ridicule, but Fox News and Rush spend so much time painting everyone not far right as liberal, they’ve taken the steam out of mocking the far left.

Also, mocking the right is so much damn fun.  In the past couple of weeks, I’ve learned from Tea Party “We’re not Racist, We Just Don’t Like Blacks, Jews, Queers, Hispanics, and Ay-rabs” Members that it takes nine full years for a presidential policy to affect the economy, so that everything happening now is because of W.  Everything in the 90’s was because of Sr. and everything in the 80’s was because of Jimmy Carter.  Exquisite logic.  I’ve also learned that according to the news, the stock market fluctuates so no one really knows if the number is higher today than a year and a half ago because no one keeps records on those kinds of things.  Plus, all the jobs being created right now are census jobs.  Companies aren’t really hiring yet.  Maybe we should do a census every year if it provides that many jobs.

I’ve also learned that Tea Party “Non-Racists” support providing more health coverage for children, increasing coverage for Medicare/Medicaid, lowering prescription drug costs, and lowering costs for important diagnostic tests for elderly.  In effect, they support healthcare reform, they just don’t support the president who is pushing those provisions because Fox News draped those provisions in inflammatory rhetoric.

I also learned that 20% = 51% because despite the entire federal budget only equaling 20% of the GDP, the government now controls 51% of the entire US economy.  And even though W. inherited a balanced budget with a surplus and then proceeded to run up record deficits for eight years because of zero fiscal responsibility, the entire current deficit is Obama’s fault because he tripled the deficit from 10 trillion to 14 trillion.  I’m an English guy and not great with numbers, but even I suspect that math is a little fuzzy.

So until liberals give me some good grist for the mill, I’m gonna have to keep picking on the poor, helpless, tormented conservatives.

Thursday Morning Ramblings

It frustrates me that conservatives are so entrenched in their own beliefs that any attempt by working people to assert our rights is automatically labeled as communist, Marxist, socialist, or anti-capitalist, especially when these same people hide behind religion to give them the illusion of holding moral high ground.

Here’s a quick story to illustrate my personal experience and why I believe we need reform.

Over the years, I’ve worked on and off delivering pizza.  In between undergraduate and graduate schools, I did it for two years.  The money was pretty good, and the hours allowed me plenty of time to write.  When I first finished graduate school, I went back to the job while I searched for a teaching position.  During my teaching career, I’ve gone back three or four times to make ends meet.  Just in that industry alone, I’ve firsthand witnessed a major shift in how employees are treated.

When I first started, all drivers were paid an hourly wage (usually minimum) and then commission on their nightly deliveries.  The commission was tiered so that the harder you worked and the more you delivered, the more money you earned.  If memory serves, less than 10 deliveries equaled 6.5% commission; 10-19 equaled 7.5%; and 20 or more equaled 8.5%.  There was a very clear, very tangible motivation to work harder, and everyone was making money.  Most nights, I was earning about $15 an hour total, which for a 22 year old kid wasn’t bad.  And the store was very profitable, too.

Then, when I got out of graduate school in 1999, I learned that the commission structure had been changed from a percentage to a flat rate of $1.25 per run.  This was great on small orders because it was a nice increase, but on normal and large orders, it was a noticeable decrease in pay.  Instead of being able to average $15 an hour, it became more like $12-13.  The interesting thing, however, was that the store was doing more volume at that time.

When my oldest was born and I went back to the job for the last time, things had really changed.  The per delivery pay had been decreased to $1.00, and employee meals were limited to “mistakes” that couldn’t be sold.  At that time, on a good night you might average $10 an hour.  Right after I left the position, one of the drivers informed me that the commission structure changed yet again.  Instead of a flat $1.00 per delivery, it became linked to the number of deliveries per trip out the door: $1.00 for the first, $.75 for the second, and $.50 for the third.  Where’s the motivation to work harder?  The crazy part is that the store was selling more than ever before.

To me, this is an illustration of what’s been wrong with this country for the last decade.  I guarantee the CEO and top executives of the company didn’t endure a 33% reduction in their pay while the price of food, gas, healthcare, and rent were spiraling upwards without control.  I’d be willing to bet their pay probably increased, but when we complain about that, we’re labeled as communists.

I happen to like the free market.  I happen to believe that consumers should be the ones to determine which companies flourish and which flounder, but I also understand that you can’t have a consumer class without having a strong viable middle class that earns a fair wage and can afford more than the basic necessities for survival.  I also understand that treating employees as a disposable commodity does not follow suit with the tenets of most major religions.

It’s not about throwing out capitalism.  It’s about refining the system to be more inclusive to the average person who is willing to go to work and put in a hard day’s work for a company that is making a good profit.  I strongly and firmly believe that every person who works full-time and performs up to reasonable standards should earn enough money to afford food, shelter, healthcare, education for their children, and retirement for themselves.  If that makes me a radical Marxist, then so be it, but that is what I believe, and I shall beat on that drum as long as there is breath in my body to do so.

www.thirdaxe.com

Tea Party Ramblings

After American Idol last night, there was a knock on my door.  I wasn’t expecting company, so it was a little unsettling.  I peeked through the peephole and couldn’t believe my eyes.  I stood there, unable to move.  The knock came again, more impatiently this time, so I opened the door, my heart about to beat through my chest.

On my doorstep was Das Fuhrer himself, Adolph Hitler.  Well, his apparition, anyway.  He’s been dead for 65 years.

Unsure of the etiquette for meeting the most maniacal leader in history, I invited him in, and for an Austrian/German, his English was impeccable. After I prepared hot tea, he and I sat on the couch and exchanged pleasantries, but he quickly got down to brass tacks.

“I need someone to write my story,” he said.  “And Fox News wouldn’t return my calls.  You’ve been doing a great job on your blog recently, so I trust you to be honest and fair.”

I blushed.  Hitler’s a fan.

“I’m mad as hell over these recent comparisons between Barack Obama and myself,” he began.  “How dare they compare me, the most ultra-right-wing dictator in the history of the universe, with a mixed-breed moderate who compromises with his opposition.  It’s outrageous!”

I swear, a tear welled up in his left eye, however briefly.

“I give the world rockets, jets, and the interstate highway system, and I’m repaid with this slander.  When the Jews insult me, it’s understandable.  We had our differences.  But my own constituents?  How can they turn on me like this?”

I offered my condolences.

“And what the f**k happened to Quentin Tarantino?  Resevoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Death Proof, all brilliant.  What the f**k was he thinking with Inglourious Basterds?”

I must admit I had no answer.

“Anyway, you’ve been a gracious host, but my day pass is about to expire.  I must get back to hell.  Lucifer’s a real dick about punctuality.  And people thought I was a dictator?  The stories I could tell.”

With that, he excused himself, leaving me in stunned silence.