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Monday Morning Ramblings

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I’ve been thinking about the $75,000 fine imposed on James Harrison for his hits on two Browns receivers a week ago.  Now, I’m all for player safety, and I agree that helmet to helmet shots need to be phased out of the game.  Of all people, I understand the long-term effects of a severe concussion.  However, I have a problem with the hypocrisy of fining Harrison for his hits and not holding other people accountable as well.

For instance, the offensive coordinator designed a pass route that brought his 190 lb. receiver into the zone of the 260 lb. defensive MVP who is known for his unreal strength (I think he benches nearly 600 lbs.) and nasty disposition.  Instead of penalizing Harrison for doing what he’s been trained to do, which is deliver punishment to offensive players who enter his territory, why doesn’t the NFL fine the coordinator for putting his player in harm’s way?  Maybe the offense should design pass routes that keep their receivers matched up with defensive backs.

Also, the quarterback who threw the pass should have seen Harrison lurking in that zone.  Maybe if his throw had been more accurate, the receiver would’ve had more of an opportunity to protect himself.  Shouldn’t the one who threw the bad pass be just as accountable as the one who delivered the blow?  If QBs had to pay fines for nearly getting their WRs killed, maybe they would be a little more careful where they put the ball.

My point is this: Football is a brutal sport.  Everyone who has ever played the game is aware, or should be, that on any given play, their body could be maimed forever.  Defensive guys are by nature a mean-spirited and nasty lot.  We enjoy hearing the groans of pain when we smash into an offensive player’s body.  That’s what they get for thinking they could get by us.  No amount of legislation or enforcement can remove the instinct to inflict pain.  For at least 32 years, season after season, the NFL has tilted the rules in favor of the offenses, trying to make more exciting games with more points and more passing.  At some point, the league needs to accept that as long as football is a contact sport with pads, there will be serious injuries, including blows to the head.

I’m not saying that helmet to helmet blows should be legal or that players shouldn’t be fined for cheap shots.  What I’m saying is that the offense needs to be just as accountable for these hits as the defense.  If offensive coordinators and QBs shared in the blame for putting their receivers into prone positions, the defensive guys would have fewer opportunities to deliver these blows, but I guarantee that in the hypocrisy that is the NFL League Office, there will be no attempt to rein in the offensive side of the ball.

www.thirdaxe.com

Humor

Political Correctness Ramblings

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Now that Juan Williams has been fired, I had the opportunity to apply for the host position on “Talk of the Nation.”  Having long been a fan of the program, I was excited about the chance to take over the helm and use my talents for this prestigious show.  The following is a transcript of my interview:

D. A. Adams:  Thank you for the opportunity to interview for this position.  I believe I’m the right person for the job.

Averly Sensitive:  By person, are you implying only humans are qualified for this position?

DA: Um, yes?

Ima DeBaller:  So you discriminate against other species?

DA: Well, I thought the ability to speak English would be a prerequisite for a national radio host.

Averly:  Hmmph, so you don’t like other nationalities, either?

DA: Um, what?

Ima: You closed-minded white male bigots are all the same.

DA:  I’m a little confused.  Can we start over?

Averly:  We at NPR pride ourselves on our open-mindedness and commitment to free speech.  You clearly are not objective enough to work here.

DA:  Look, I believe all people deserve respect and dignity, regardless of race, religion, social class, gender, whatever.

Ima:  So you are against the elderly.

DA: What?

Ima: You didn’t include the elderly in your little rant.  Obviously, you must be an ageist.

DA:   (Due to the sensitive nature of this blog, Mr. Adams’s Irish-tempered outburst has been omitted to protect innocent eyes.)

Averly:  (Sobbing)  I’ve never been called those words before.

Ima:  Look what you’ve done!  You brute.

DA:  (Content removed.)

Obviously, I didn’t get the job, and NPR will have to continue their search for someone who is open-minded, sensitive, and domesticated enough not to offend any culture or sub-culture by saying something that can be misconstrued out of context as offensive.  In this manner, free speech and liberty shall be preserved ad infinitum.

www.thirdaxe.com

Humor

Healthcare Ramblings

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Now that the first six provisions of healthcare reform are enforceable laws, I decided to take a look at how these provisions are affecting those at the highest end of the economic spectrum.  I traveled to Minneapolis, MN and sat down with Iwanna Getindempokets, the largest shareholder of United Health Group.  I first asked how the new laws had affected him professionally.

“It’s very difficult to explain,” he said.  “Before, our job was so easy.  Someone got sick, we dropped them from coverage.  We didn’t have to worry about taking care of ill people.  Now, we can’t just collect monthly premiums.  We actually have to look at the costs of healthcare.  It’s so time-consuming.”

As a healthcare consumer, I asked him if he thought healthcare insurance providers had an obligation to make sure their customers received the services they paid for monthly.

He stared at me blankly.

I rephrased the question and asked if healthcare insurance providers should pay claims.

“We’re in the business of making money,” Getindempokets responded, becoming agitated.  “How can we make money if we have to spend money?”

Seeing his agitation, I grew concerned for his well-being, so I asked him how the reform had affected him personally.

“It’s been hell,” he said, a tear forming.  “My wife is so worried about the dip in profits, she’s actually cancelled her plans to buy our third vacation home.  It was going to be in Costa Rica, but that won’t happen now.”

He paused and took a deep breath.

“The worst, though, is how all of this has affected my daughter.  She’s my only child, you know.  When things affect you and your spouse, that’s one thing, but when things affect your children, it cuts more deeply.

“My daughter’s dream was to be the world’s first trillionaire.  She had her heart set on it, but thanks to the selfishness of so many Americans, that probably won’t happen.”

As a parent, part of me empathized with him.

“Paris Hilton has gotten to follow her dream of being a coked-out international slut.  Why can’t my daughter have her dream of being a trillionaire?  It’s just not fair.”

He paused, and his pained expression became one of anger.

“I’ll never forgive President Obama for signing those provisions into law.  That ni…uh…socialist has no right to make big business provide the goods and services for which it charges hefty sums.  This country is moving in the wrong direction.”

With that, his Blackberry went off, and he motioned for me to leave his office.  As I exited the luxury suites of the executive floor, I couldn’t help but wonder if the evil socialists in Washington could sleep at night, knowing how they had trampled the dreams of a little girl.