Category Archives: Humor

Education Ramblings

The Future of Education!

Warning:  Recently The Ramblings of D. A. Adams engaged in subversive activity with its disparaging mockery of current student engagement and grade enhancement methodologies.  We at the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy find this kind of insubordination abhorrent and unfounded.  The current policies and guidelines proposed by the BEB and then adopted and mandated by individual states represent thousands of hours of research by administrative professionals, who through rigorous study of theory and abstract concept, understand classroom paradigms more clearly than mere teachers.  In fact, current teacher evaluation procedures were written by an administrator not sullied by the cumbersome and mentally taxing burden of in-class experience.  Therefore, the procedures more clearly define teacher expectations through an unfiltered lens.

As a result of his subversion, D. A. Adams has been taken to an undisclosed location for advanced re-education protocol and, given the re-education is successful, should return to this blog sometime after the next election cycle.  Until then, his replacement, Dr. Bohrdem Tatears, will entertain you with PowerPoint presentations of flow charts for proper use of humor within the social hierarchy of future corporate-modeled educational systems.  Remember, humor is a dangerous tool and, like all tools, should only be wielded by trained professionals.

Editor’s Note: We at The Ramblings of D. A. Adams were unaware that Mr. Adams was involved in such deviant behavior and apologize for his disparaging criticism of BEB policies.  His views are not reflective of the respect and admiration we hold for the All Children Left Behind and Race to a Stop Acts.

Education Ramblings


Please Forward to All Faculty Effective Immediately:

Due to increased the standards of the All Children Left Behind and Race to a Stop Acts, the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy has implemented the following guidelines for evaluating student performance.  All faculty members must adhere to these guidelines without question in order to improve our educational rankings among developed nations.

Section 1 – Does the student attend class regularly and refrain from disruptive behavior?  If yes, refer to Article 1-.01A.  If no, refer to Section 2.

Section 2 – Does the student attend class semi-regularly and refrain from drooling while asleep and/or defecating themselves during class time?  If yes, refer to Article 2-.02A.  If no, refer to Section 3.

Section 3 – Does the defecation have a foul odor?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, refer to Section 4.

Section 4 – Is the student armed? If yes, refer to Section 5.  If no, refer to Section 6.

Section 5 – Is the student a proficient marksman?  If yes, refer to Article 2-.o2A.  If no, refer to Article 3-.o3A.

Section 6 – Has the instructor made every attempt to meet the emotional needs of the student?  If yes, refer to Section 7.  If no, refer to Article 2-.o2A.

Section 7 – Has the instructor simplified the material adequately to engage students on their level of proficiency?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, refer to Section 8.

Section 8 – Has the instructor attempted doing the work for the students?  If yes, refer to Article 3-.o3A.  If no, please report to the Bureau of Educational Bureaucracy for immediate reassignment.

Article 1-.01A – Pass them with an A.

Article 2-.o2A – Pass them with an A.

Article 3-.o3A – Convince them to withdraw from the institution so their numbers don’t count against us.

Remember, student performance is a direct reflection on your ability to teach.  Following these guidelines will make you a more efficient teacher and improve the long-term sustainability of our workforce development.

Sparkly Ramblings


BREAKING NEWS!

The Ramblings of D. A. Adams, using award winning investigatory journalistic techniques such as surfing the internet and reading anonymous forwarded emails, has unearthed a shocking story of epic proportions that threatens to crumble the very foundations of  our republic.

The Twilight saga is a covert plot by the Chinese to drive Americans insane.

Shocked and appalled that such a masterpiece of literary and cinematic genius could be a weapon of international espionage, I rushed to Washington to learn more about this unfolding crisis.

“The numbers are quite clear,” claims Dr. Lottastatz of the Center for Researching Research.  “Since the release of the first Twilight book in 2005, levels of insanity in America are up 275%.  With the release of each subsequent book and movie, we see a clear upward trend in the data.  It’s quite alarming.”

Concerned for national security, I hurried to the CIA to speak with my inside source within the intelligence community.

“We’ve known about this plot since as early as [classified],” states [classified].  “Stephenie Meyer’s real name is Som Dom Chik, and she entered this country on a work visa in [classified] and assimilated into American culture.  We only learned of the plot in [classified] because [classified classified classified classified classified].  As you can see, it’s quite alarming.”

Unnerved by this top secret information, I hurried to Jones Creek, Georgia, home of Morbul Shidinski, currently America’s foremost literary scholar and critic, hoping her insights could help unravel this conspiracy.

“Contextually speaking, on a surface level, the Twilight series seems to be what we deem ‘purple prose.’  However, after deconstructing the sub-contextual layers, we find an intricate web of literary devices layered together in a specific chronology that is ideal for evoking a negative psychological reaction, known clinically as Sparkle Induced Psychosis, in its readers.  Furthermore, the true brilliance of the work is that these devices are so powerful that one does not necessarily have to read the text to be affected by them.  Merely hearing them described by an infected person is enough to render an otherwise sane individual completely bonkers.”

Now terrified for the future of this great nation, I raced back to Washington and the Center for Researching Research, seeking an antidote for this growing pandemic.

“As of now, we’ve only found one way to reverse the psychosis, but it’s controversial, to say the least,” states Dr. Lottastatz.  “The subjects we’ve tested who were exposed to Sparkle Induced Psychosis respond positively when forced to watch reruns of The Munsters non-stop for 72 hours.  Apparently, the creators of that show were aware that the Soviets had originally designed the Twilight Plan in the 50’s and created Herman Munster as a counter-measure.  Fred Gwynne was secretly a CIA operative who developed a comedic styling that numbs the frontal lobe, decreasing levels of psychosis.  We have a contingency plan in place to have every TV channel to run episodes of The Munsters non-stop for two weeks.  It may be our only hope.”

Editor’s Note: Due to the highly classified nature of this information, no portion of this article has been verified or confirmed by anyone, anywhere.