I’m guilty of dwelling too much on the past, for holding on to too much pain.  I’m well aware that I need to let go of what’s done and move forward into the future because my best days are ahead of me.  Very soon, I will get to spend a lot more time with my sons, and in the next few years, I will get my life on the path I want.  I have poured the foundation for this future, and now, I’m building the frame.

Yes, my ex-wife betrayed me in a vicious manner.  Yes, my childhood was not so great.  Yes, my experiences as an educator have been draining and disheartening, but I’m still standing.  I’ve got a little fight left in me, and I have a lot of useful skills that will serve me well as I forge forward into this life I’m building.  I never wanted the white picket fence or the two car garage, anyway.  That’s not sour grapes, either.  For those of you who have provincial lives, if you are content with what you have, I’m happy for you, but I’m not provincial.  From early on, I’ve done things my own way, and I don’t want to plant my roots in any one place.

My grandfather dreamed of being a wanderer, but he married young and honored his obligations.  Towards the end of his life, you could hear the regret in his voice that he didn’t get to roam this earth the way he wanted.  I have a lot of that same wanderlust in me, and I don’t want to reach the end of my life and have the same regrets.

So I’m gonna try to let go of the past, look to the future, and follow this trail wherever it leads…

www.thirdaxe.com

It always surprises me how some people react when they hear that I’m a writer or that I have an independent publishing company.  It’s as if I’ve suddenly revealed that I’m a trust-fund baby and have never worked for a living.  What kind of misconceptions exist that people believe writers are all wealthy?  So far, I’ve lost more money than I’ve earned from the publishing side of things, and while that is going to change soon, it’s going to change because of years of hard work and due diligence, not because someone handed me anything.

Another misconception I sometimes encounter is the misguided notion that writing is easy.  In my experiences both with myself and other writers I know well, here are the ingredients for a talented writer:  1) a truly difficult childhood involving a healthy mix of psychological abuse and social ostracism; 2) at least one severe health issue during childhood that forces confinement in bed for at least a month; 3) an overactive imagination that borders on schizophrenia; 4) dependency issues with at least one but usually more mood-altering substances; 5) long-term struggles with depression; 6) a deep and palpable feeling of never truly belonging anywhere for very long; 7) delusions of grandeur that what you have to say actually matters; 8 ) a thick outer shell to weather the storm of ridicule, criticism, and doubt that will hammer you from all directions; 9) a willingness to sit alone for hours on end and tell yourself a story; and 10) the dedication to your craft through financial struggles that make mere survival a challenge.

Personally, I have often thought that if either of my sons end up as writers, I will feel like a failure as a parent.  My hope is that they are well-adjusted accountants with manicured lawns and deep roots in their communities.

www.thirdaxe.com