Tag Archives: ramblings

Humor

Tea Party Ramblings

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The Jew-run liberal media won’t run this story because it doesn’t further their political agenda, and Fox News won’t carry it because it’s true, but over the weekend, I discovered an amazing story that the world needs to know.

It seems that a museum in Memphis had an exhibit called “Dinosaurs Live” that featured mechanical dinosaurs.  The exhibit offers patrons an opportunity to experience firsthand the size and scope of dinosaurs when they roamed the planet.  A family from Ellis Chapel, Arkansas, devout Tea Party activists and members of the Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church of Ellis Chapel, heard about the exhibit and decided to brave the dangers of the big city to see for themselves.  When the family arrived at the museum and learned that the dinosaurs were in fact mechanical and not “live,” they demanded a full refund.

“We came down here expecting to see us some real life diney-sores,” explains Cletus McOnetooth.  “That there advertising is misleading.”

When a museum spokesperson attempted to explain that dinosaurs had been extinct for millions of years, McOnetooth became incensed.

“That’s plumb impossible.  Everbody knows the world’s only six thousand year old.  All them scientists are just puppets of Satan trying to confuse the minds of our children folk.”

The irate McOnetooth family text messaged their Tea Party militia brothers, and a protest quickly formed outside the museum.  Protesters marched with signs like: “Musiems are for Queers” “God Hates Queers” “Stop Taxing Diney-sores” “Only Queers Tax Diney-Sores” were prominent in the protest.

“If we have to, we’ll fire bomb this musiem and overthrow the government,” one protester said.  “We know this socialist regime just doesn’t want us to see the diney-sores cause it proves they’re lying about how old the earth is to pass this socialist healthcare.  We won’t stand for it anymore.”

“Don’t know why we keep getting labelled as racists,” another protester said.  “Not none of us have any problem with each other.  We all get along just fine.  It’s them blacks and Jews and queers that keep causing all the problems.”

Fortunately for all, the protest quickly disbanded when it was learned that professional wrestling was about to start in the convention center.

“We came down here to see them diney-sores,” Cletus McOnetooth said.  “But instead we got to see wrastling, so we feel it’s all part of God’s plan.  He sure does work in mysterious ways.”

Humor

Political Ramblings

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After much deliberation and research, a plan has been formulated to save this country from the deep rift between conservatives and liberals.  This plan is a much needed compromise to allow each major segment of the population to have feelings of independence.

First, all lands west of the Rocky Mountain Continental Divide will become the new land Liberallum.  There will be government buildings on every street corner with rules and regulations for how to walk, talk, breathe, and perform any other act known to humanity.  All male members of Liberallum will be required to perform acts of homosexuality weekly, and all women will be required to have at least one abortion per year until menopause is reached.  Then, abortions become optional.  The government will be run by a committee formed by PETA and the chairperson will be Noam Chomsky.  At the end of each week, all property and money will be redistributed evenly among the population.

From the Rocky Mountain Continental Divide to the Mississippi River, the land shall be renamed Conservatorium.  In this region, the Ten Commandments must be posted in every building, and all citizens shall follow the Catholic-Orthodox Christian Faith, since this is the oldest denomination of Christianity.  In Conservatorium, there will be no organized government whatsoever.  Any violations of any tenet of the Catholic-Orthodox faith shall be met with immediate execution.  No science, technology, or formal education will be permitted within the realm of Conservatorium.  Though not officially government organizations, Glenn Beck will oversee the ATF, Rush Limbaugh the DEA, and Bill O’Reilly the FCC.  These organizations shall have no administrative function other than to allow each man to hear himself pontificate.  All citizens are encouraged to hoard as many material possessions as possible.

All land east of the Mississippi shall henceforth be known as The Democratic Republic of Moderation.  In this land, people are free to worship or not as they see fit.  The government shall not sanction any religious ideology under any circumstances in any forum.  The free market will operate will reasonable oversight from professional regulators appointed by elected officials.  Elected officials will be chosen by the people to serve various terms depending upon which branch of government they are serving.  Public education will meet the highest standards in the world, with emphasis on reading, writing, and arithmetic for all.  Each student will be encouraged to pursue areas of study in which they show both aptitude and interest.  In the educational system, plumbing and physics will each have equal merit, as will any other area of study.  In the Democratic Republic of Moderation, all citizens who work a regular job shall be guaranteed a livable wage and adequate access to healthcare.  Any citizen requesting public assistance in lieu of work will be subject to mandatory drug testing.  All citizens in DRM will have license to shoot the people attempting to cross the Mississippi River.

Interviews

Stephen Zimmer Ramblings

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The following is an interview with author, filmmaker, and all-around good person, Stephen Zimmer.  He is the author of The Rising Dawn Saga and Fires in Eden series and contributor for Seventh Star Blog.

D. A. Adams:  What first got you into storytelling? What was the allure?

STEPHEN ZIMMER:  Storytelling has been with me since my mom first read me The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy aloud, a chapter or so a night, when I was about 7. I’ve always tilted towards fantasy, in the movies and television that I’ve gravitated towards, as well as the books I have been drawn to.

The allure is to immerse myself in fantastical worlds, and to depart Mundania (with a nod to Piers Anthony on that word!). I’ve never thought that the world that we live in is “it”, and loads of mystics and theoretical physicists agree with me on that notion! Fantasy gives me the best chance to explore wild and wonderful worlds in this life, and storytelling provides a medium to craft some of these adventures into something that I can share with others. What are we waiting for? Let’s go!

DA: Outside of literary or film influences, what has shaped your artistic vision more than anything?

ZIMMER:  Dreams. Literally. I am fortunate to have very vivid, powerful dreams on a very regular basis, some incredibly life-like. The things that I experience and see in them often inspires me artistically, and really has had an impact on me. I look forward to adventures when I sleep, believe it or not! I’m fascinated by consciousness, and feel that it is a true unexplored frontier!

DA: Where would you like to be in five years in terms of your career?

ZIMMER:   I would like to have a nice timber A-frame high on a mountain close to the mountain where D.A. Adams’ woodland retreat is located, so we can hang out more often, go fishing, discuss the finer points of rock music, etc.!

Seriously, I would like to have the first 4 or 5 titles out in both The Rising Dawn Saga and Fires in Eden series, continuing a year-round appearance schedule. I would also like to have a release or two out in the horror genre, and perhaps some short stories in some quality anthologies, or maybe even a themed collection of short stories that I’ve done.

On the film side of things, I would like to be making modestly budgeted independent features, most hopefully in the fantasy genre. 1 feature a year would be great.  Between film and books, I hope to do just well enough that I can make a living just from my endeavors in these areas.

DA: When I was a naïve college student, my friends and I would discuss creating the literary movement of our generation. Now, as small-press and independent writers, you and I are part of a movement away from the New York epicenter. How do you see this movement evolving over the next generation or two?

ZIMMER:  It is a brave new world in many respects. The barriers are falling down in some ways, especially with eBooks. However, as with music, it could result in a deluge of releases, and make it a little more difficult to get your work noticed, reviewed, or seen. I take it one day at a time, as there are so many unpredictable factors that have yet to play out fully. Will eBooks really overtake print, or will they co-exist? What effect will piracy have on eBooks? Without bookstores, who is going to be hosting reading clubs, advocating new authors, exposing new authors via readings, etc.  in a digital world? The word of mouth that occurs between people at bookstores, browsing the fantasy sections, etc. can’t be underestimated.

Overall, I would have to say that there is going to be an upswing in credibility regarding small press and independent authors, and the accessibility is going to increase in a digital world, but exposure and promotion are going to be very, very difficult if the music and film worlds indicate anything. My heart goes out to talented, seriously-minded independent rock bands that are in an ocean of bands putting out mp3’s everywhere, who have declining options for live clubs, radio, independent music stores etc. It is harder than ever to be heard and talked about, and I hope that it doesn’t become similarly difficult for authors to be read/reviewed/exposed.

DA: What would like your readers to know about you?

ZIMMER:  I wish they could see just how immensely dedicated I am to my work and to them. From the time spent writing and researching, to setting up as active of an appearance schedule as possible, so that the folks that enjoy my work can visit with me in person easier, I really value my readers and want to give them the best work and support that I possibly can. They are my friends, as they enable me to do what I love to do. If they commit to reading my series, I must return that commitment 10 fold on my end to give every aspect of being an author a 150% effort, as they deserve nothing less. Without readers, authors are pretty useless!

DA: We’ve discussed in private conversations the financial strain of being a “new” writer.  Do feel like this struggle has had a positive or a negative effect on your creativity?

ZIMMER:  I have to say that financial strain is mostly not a positive thing, but it does have its uses. Having to pull a late night drive after an event so that you can save on a hotel room is something that I wish I didn’t have to do, for one example of a negative. I wish I could take advantage of every promotional opportunity I encounter. But having thin resources does discipline you and makes you a better planner, I believe. I can see improvement in my planning in just the past couple of years, and am getting more out of the money I allocate out of my pocket to sustain my activities, appearances, etc.

DA: You and I met on the Con-circuit. Do you enjoy Con weekends?  If so, what do you find most fascinating about fandom?

ZIMMER:  I really do enjoy Con weekends! It’s my kind of crowd for sure! I love everything about it, the atmosphere, the new friends you meet (like you), the unpredictability, the learning (even when you are on a panel, you learn from the audience!), and so much more. I always hate that melancholy feeling that hits at the end of a con, when dealers are breaking their tables down, and attendees are rolling their luggage out.  It is really its own world, and it’s a wonderful one. The thing that fascinates me the most is that there is a real sense of community and “we’re in this together” mentality that resonates through fantasy/sci-fi/horror related Cons.

Also, I do not see the provincialism that plagues other writing circles, in other genres. The fantasy/sci-fi/horror writers really do help each other out and pull for each other, at least from what I’ve seen. (and in doing so, they push everyone higher, as JFK said, “a rising tide lifts all ships”)

DA: Any parting thoughts?

ZIMMER:  I really encourage people to give small press/independent authors and publishers a chance. Obviously, I’m a little biased, being a small press author myself, but there is a very logical and objective reason as well. The major publishers are shrinking and paring down their rosters, a trend that has resulted in many mid-list authors that are now working with small press outlets. Additionally, as the big publisher’s rosters are smaller and their schedules tighten, they are not as likely to take big chances with releases unless they can really project some success according to an established model. This means that small press is where a lot of the risk-taking and ground-breaking in the genre is truly occurring nowadays. The quality of writing is most certainly there in the small press world, as anyone who has read, to name just a few examples, Jackie Gamber, Lettie Prell, Elizabeth Donald, H. David Blalock, TammyJo Eckart, or D.A. Adams can attest!