For Collin and Finn | Big Owl's Tree

Dear sons, here’s another lesson I want you to learn from me. Life doesn’t owe you anything, and you are not entitled to a free ride. Anything and everything you strive for in this world will come with a price, and every choice you make, good or bad, comes with consequences. If you make good choices, those consequences can benefit you for a lifetime. If you make poor choices, they can hold you back from reaching your potential. If you make terrible choices, they can haunt you for the rest of your life. I know this from personal experience and from watching others live with the consequences of decisions they made in haste or short-sightedness.

Too often, people fall into the delusion that success is a given. Too often, people believe that all they have to do is show up, and the world will be so enamored with their charm or genius that riches and fame will be theirs for the taking. In my youth, I suffered from this delusion. I believed at 18 that my writing ability would be so astounding, so original, so authentic, I would be granted the keys to the walled city and live on easy street for the rest of my days. By 22, I had learned my folly. I had to hone my craft, had to get knocked down multiple times, had to get back up, and had to earn every iota of success I’ve achieved. The world taught me quickly and succinctly that it owed me nothing.

I’m sharing this lesson not to dampen your spirits or dash your dreams, but rather to prepare you for the reality of just how difficult life can be. I want you to be ready for those times when you do get knocked down to get up, brush yourself off, and brace yourself to fight again. Just as I tell you whenever you lose at a video game to practice more and try harder, in life, you must do the same because it has a way of being relentless, especially when you’re down.

You both have unlimited potential. You both have intelligence, creativity, and personality. You will have opportunities to achieve great things with your lives, but you will have to earn that greatness. You cannot wish for it; you cannot hope for it; you cannot dream it into reality. You must earn it, and it can be a long, hard road. I will be there for you as much as possible, but in the end, you will have to do it for yourselves.

I’m starting a new category here on the blog. It’s called “For Collin and Finn” and will be a place where I can share thoughts and ideas that I’d like to share with my boys but can’t because of circumstances. Some of these posts will be public and some private, but they are here so that one day they can know me. I have so many regrets about the last four years, regrets of time lost with them, of those special firsts that I didn’t get to share, of not having the financial resources to do more for them. In a way, these posts are my effort to make up for all that we’ve lost and missed out on, and while nothing can ever give us back the time, my hope is that one day when they are old enough, they will read these entries and understand how badly I miss their presence, their laughter, and their energy.

Sons, the most important lesson I want to teach you, if you learn nothing else from me, is that there is no substitute for hard work. Regardless of what path you choose in life — artist, musician, director, doctor, plumber, or carpenter — there are no shortcuts for success. You will have to dedicate yourself to learning your craft, and you will have to spend countless hours practicing to hone your skills. If you want to be great at what you do, and my hope is that you’ll strive for greatness, you cannot get around that simple fact. Be prepared to study and struggle and fail and relearn and try again.

This world is a competitive place, and whatever path you choose, there are thousands out there who want to achieve success in that field. If you want to stand out from the crowd, work harder than they do. Set your will to achieving your aspirations and let nothing hold you back or slow you down. You will learn that if you give your all and fight with everything inside you to reach those goals, even if you fail, you will feel pride in knowing you gave it your best. I’ve learned this one firsthand because I’ve had more than my share of failures, but when I lay my head down at night, I know in my heart that those failures were not from lack of effort. When life has you down, and it will knock you down at some point, having that sense of pride to hold onto is important. It will give you the strength to get back on your feet and try again.

So please, guys, don’t go through your lives searching for shortcuts or hoping for windfalls. Good luck and fast bucks are too far and too few between, as the Outlaw once sang, and if you wait for life to give you anything, you will find yourselves bitter and disappointed. Work hard at whatever you do; commit yourself to pursuing excellence; and never quit. I learned that from your grandfather and great-grandfather, and I hope you can learn it from me, too.